Ready For You
by bmango
Summary: They meet far from home in a land of sunshine and beauty. Will this short time together be enough when they return to their homes and their lives? Birthday present for theladyingrey42. JxE, AH, slash.
1. Use Somebody

**A/N:** I swear the rest of the A/Ns won't be this long. This entire story is dedicated to **theladyingrey42** for her birthday (which was last week). She has enjoyed 30 days of birthday presents and has allowed me to share it with all of you as well. It will be a mix of drabbles and full chapters with alternating POVs. It is slash, so if this is not your cup of tea, this is your fair warning. There will always be a song (or 3) matched to each chapter that kind of set the mood. I plan to update every other day (or sooner if I'm happy).

Big thanks to **ahizelm** for beta-ing this entire thing and being a rock of support for me! Thanks also to **.louise** for helping me make Edward more British.

All things Twilight belong to Ms. Meyer. And so it begins...

* * *

.

**The Setting**: Hobart, Tasmania**  
The Music**: _Use Somebody_, Kings of Leon

* * *

.

**JPOV**

How could you not notice him, all sex hair and silence?

I try to pay attention to my buddies and the games we're playing but his dark, brooding presence consumes my senses.

After losing badly and laughing it off, I feel the weight of his stare on me.

Slowly, I turn around, meeting bright green eyes over a torn paperback, and I inhale sharply. His even gaze seems to penetrate into the deepest reaches of my soul, as if all my secrets are laid bare before him.

I shiver with the eerie feeling that my fate had been irrevocably altered.

. . .

. .

.


	2. Don't Wanna Fall

**A/N:**_ This whole story is for the **theladyingrey42**'s big birthday. Big thanks to **ahizelm** for all the beta-goodness and **.Louise** for keeping Edward British. SM owns all things Twilight._

.

* * *

**The Setting**: Hobart, Tasmania

**The Music**: _Don't Wanna Fall in Love,_ Green Day

Terms: Backpackers = youth hostel

..

.

**

* * *

**

**EPOV**

.

I settle back into the corner of the couch, keeping myself isolated from the others in the lounge room. I pull out my much abused and dog-eared copy of _The Lord of the Rings_, planning on reading until I am too tired to keep my eyes open, and sip my tea.

I spent the whole day on planes, first from London to Sydney and then to my final destination, Hobart, Tasmania, and I am exhausted. My family gave me some spending money for my once-in-a-lifetime holiday, and I had decided on Australia. Tasmania is only the first leg of my six weeks off and I would be returning to the mainland in a week.

Now, I am trying to relax in this backpackers for a day or two before I figure out how to explore the island. There are people always looking for rides to share and some bus tours, but I haven't decided yet.

I look up briefly as a group of four gents push and shove through the door, laughing and teasing each other relentlessly. I recognize a couple accents, but the others I have trouble placing. They set up the video game system and begin playing some kind of fighting karate game, taking turns against each other. A tall, lanky blonde in tight jeans and a green button-up shirt immediately grabs my attention, but I know I just need to relax tonight, and quickly return to my book.

There's no need to complicate this trip. Home is complicated enough.

I sit for what seems like hours, paying less and less attention to the words in front of me and more and more to the tall American in the group. Every time I hear a Southern drawl, I couldn't help but glance up from my pages. I hear an unmistakable "y'all" and look over my book to meet ice blue eyes turning to face me.

I barely blink as I watch him watching me. The noise of the room fades away and there's only this beautiful man before me, stealing my very breath.

His shoulders slump as he releases a large sigh, and he rakes his fingers through his hair before shaking his head and turning back to the game.

I stay for a few more minutes, wondering what kind of spell this man from the other side of the world has put on me.

Eventually, I can't resist the pull of sleep and decide I've stayed up late enough to be less jetlagged tomorrow. I wander past the bulletin board in the lobby, looking for postings for rides. There are several offers, but most seem to be heading to Cradle Mountain. I have a tour booked to see the parks, so I'm more interested in exploring the east side of the island.

And then I see it.

"Wanted. Man or woman to ride share to Bicheno Backpackers, leaving Tuesday, returning Friday. If interested, please text at +01 697-555-9431."

Tomorrow. Bicheno is on the eastern shore and near to Freycinet National Park, one of the must see sights on my list.

I take the post with me and text the number from my room that I share with five other people. My other sharemates aren't there, so I get ready for bed, changing into pajama pants and brushing my teeth while waiting for an answer. When I return from the loo, I have a text waiting.

**Meet downstairs in the lobby at 8am tomorrow? ~J**

I text back immediately, happy to have a plan and a destination for the first part of my trip.

**Sounds good. See you tomorrow. Cheers, Edward**

I fall asleep quickly, dreaming about long legs, blue eyes and soft Southern drawls. I dream of tasting him, feeling the flush of his skin against mine, his body writhing in pleasure below me.

All too soon, I jerk awake as my alarm buzzes in my ear. I take a few minutes to catch my breath and slow my heartbeat before opening my eyes.

The other two gents in the room are still snoring softly, seemingly unaware of my night-time fantasies. After my eyes adjust to the muted light slipping around the shade, I quickly pull on jeans and grab a button-down shirt and clean boxers before wandering down the hall to find an open bathroom. After showering and changing, I return to my room to pack. I throw all my belongings into my backpack and sling it over my shoulder, noticing it is almost eight.

Not one for breakfast, I'm hoping I can convince this J person to stop at a cafe for tea and a biscuit. Just a little touch of home would be welcome.

I descend the stairs and wait in the lobby, realizing I'm a few minutes early. I casually look through some pamphlets about other attractions in the area and shove my hands in my pockets as I rock on the balls of my feet.

Someone behind me thunders down the stairs and calls out a cheery "Good morning!" to the staff at the front desk.

I freeze. I know that accent, that twangy, soft American drawl that plagued my midnight musings. In my heart, I hope that he is the mysterious J at the same time I almost dread being in a car with him for any length of time. This slight obsession after watching him for a couple hours cannot be healthy.

I turn to see him joking with the lady at the desk. He winks at her and she blushes furiously and I am instantly jealous.

I roll my eyes. _Good grief, I need to bloody settle down before I make a complete ass of myself._

He turns and starts walking towards me, and I wave hesitantly. "Are you J?"

"Edward?" His smile is brilliant and blinding as he reaches forward to shake my hand.

"Yeah. That's me." I try to keep my voice normal as I grasp his hand firmly and love the warmth that spreads through me at this brief touch.

"Well, great!" he begins, but then looks hesitantly at our still connected hands. I hurriedly pull mine back, willing myself not to blush. "Uh... my car's just out front if you're ready to go?"

His last statement sounds like more of a question, but I just smile reassuringly. _Really, I'm not a psycho._

"Sure, I'm ready. Do you mind if we stop at a cafe to get some liquid caffeine for the road?"

He laughs loudly, visibly relaxing. "Not at all, my man. There's a great place on the way."

I nod and follow him out the door, and we load our bags into the car. I notice a guitar case in the back seat and can't wait to question him about it. Actually, perhaps it's better if I didn't. If he actually plays and sings, I couldn't be held responsible for any reactions I may have.

I shake my head to clear the thoughts about him strumming the strings and crooning huskily in his southern drawl. I need a distraction before I embarrass myself any further. Or make my trousers any tighter. Sighing heavily, I climb into the front seat and he hands me a set of maps.

"Part of the deal is you have to be the navigator on this adventure. I'm too much of a Yank to be able to read the maps and drive on the left side of the road."

I laugh with him and readily agree. He pulls cautiously into traffic and I smile as I begin this next chapter in my life.

...

..

.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you all for the kind words and I hope you've enjoyed this glimpse into Edward's head. I know the chapters are short, but the story will move along. Promise. Now, leave me some sugar...


	3. Good Day, Sunshine

_**A/N:** As always, this is dedicated to the lovely and awesome** ladyingrey**. Much thanks to **ahizelm** for beta-ing. Thank you all for the reviews! Now, a little Jasper love._

..

**

* * *

The Setting:** Hobart, Tasmania**  
The Music:** _Good Day Sunshine_, The Beatles

.

**

* * *

**

**JPOV  
**

Having overslept as usual, I throw my clothes into my backpack, stuffing my boots on top before throwing it over my shoulder.

I hurry down the stairs, realizing I'm late and almost stumble as I recognize the lean form of sex-on-legs standing in the lobby. I fantasized about his hair all night.

I swallow tightly and call out a quick greeting to the desk staff.

He turns. Those eyes. I think I could drown in their green pools.

And I'll be spending hours in a car with him. Alone.

My heart flutters as he grasps my hand and I never want to let go.

...

..

.


	4. I Will Survive

**A/N:** _This is dedicated to my adorably cute (and probably blushing) BFF, **theladyingrey**. More thanks than I can put into words to **ahizelm** for putting up with me through this whole story. And thanks to **miss_becky_louise** for making sure Edward sounds British. SM owns everything Twilight. I just play with some of her boys._

.

**

* * *

The Setting: ** Driving from Hobart to Bicheno

**The Music:** _Stick Shifts and Safety Belts_, Cake; _Let's Groove_, Earth, Wind and Fire;_ I Will Survive_, Cake

Translation: pavement = sidewalk

* * *

**EPOV**

J drives a couple of streets and pulls up to the pavement on the right in front of a small cafe with bright awnings. The sun glints off the nearby water and reflects into his face as he turns to smile at me, his golden hair practically glowing. My breath catches in my throat at the absolute beauty before me.

"This place is great! You'll love the owner," he declares, breaking me from my Jasper-induced haze.

He jumps from the car and I shake my head slightly before rounding the front to join him.

He smiles brilliantly and I swear I can see the sun reflected in his eyes. "Come on. She's really lovely."

I follow him as he pushes the door open and a small tinkling of bells announces our arrival. From a back room, a small, wiry, hunched, ancient woman approaches the counter. Her body may be old, but her clear eyes dart between us, her alert, sharp mind seemingly missing nothing. She blinks twice at me before smiling broadly at J.

"Ahh! My boy, you have returned! It's been too long! Who's your friend here?" She looks at me curiously, giving me the once over.

"I know, MaryAnne, and you have my deepest apologies. This is Edward and I told him you have the best cafe in Tasmania."

"Oh, my dear boy, you flatter me. I do have some fresh muffins I just took out of the oven that I think you'd like. Let me get you a couple and then some coffee for the road, I think?" She looks up at J for clarification but he's already nodding his head.

"Correct as always."

"Actually, madam, I would like tea if you don't mind," I interject, needing something a little less caffeinated.

"Ahh, a Brit! Let me see." She putters behind the counter, stopping in front of the large tea display. "Earl Grey, I think, with milk, yes?"

"Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you." I smile, wondering if all Brits are as obvious in their beverage choices, or if she is just that astute.

"But, of course, my young man," she says warmly, giving me a sly wink. I wonder briefly what the gesture was for, but chalk it up to the antics of an old woman.

She quietly slips into the back and I watch her small frame pull a rack from the oven before sliding another in its place. The cafe is sparsely decorated with a few bistro tables and chairs, a single couch and scattered framed photographs along the walls. I look at a few closely and almost think I recognize MaryAnne in a couple of the old black and whites.

"All of these pictures are her and her family." I start at the smooth voice suddenly at my ear, whispering the secrets of the photographs. "They're all gone now, so she tends to adopt her customers: travelers, business people, neighbors... really everyone. Says her family just keeps growing. I've been coming here every day, except yesterday, for the last four days, but she basically adopted me after the first five minutes. She's amazing, like a little piece of home."

I turn to look into his eyes, seeing a hint of sadness at the edges. I'm just about to jump over the acquaintance border and ask an inappropriate question, I'm sure, but I'm saved by the gentle woman who adopts strangers, including this beautiful boy.

"This bag has your muffins and here's your coffee and tea done proper." She winks at me again and we take the proffered items.

"Alright, thank you, MaryAnne, ma'am. How much do we owe you?"

"I think that comes to five dollars for you two gentleman."

There's no way that the bill is only five dollars and I move to protest, but J is quicker than I am.

"Aww, MaryAnne! You shouldn't treat us so well or you'll go out of business. What do we really owe you?"

"Add a kiss on the cheek and I'll call it a good day's work."

J laughs and leans in to kiss the old woman on the cheek and backs away as I walk over to do the same. As my lips touch the soft, dry skin of her cheek, she pats my face and I look up, her pale blue eyes seeming to look straight through me.

"You take good care of him," she whispers, and for once I'm at a complete loss for words.

_Who is she referring to? J? I barely know the bloke._

I look at her in pure confusion and she nods at me. "I see how it is even though you do not. Don't say no when he says yes."

I back away slowly, noticing that J is already back to the car, peering at me over his shoulder.

"Th-Thank you, MaryAnne," I stammer, although I'm not entirely sure what I'm thanking her for.

"Enjoy your tea, Englishman," she calls after me while I hurry out the door. Once outside, I chastise myself for worrying about the old woman and her cryptic words.

J smiles at me as I join him on the pavement.

"Ready?" he asks simply.

"As I'll ever be," I reply, hoping my eagerness isn't showing too plainly on my face.

He chuckles as we climb into the car. He pulls out into the early morning traffic and I help navigate him to the motorway.

"I know we follow the highway for a while, and then we're on a country road for a couple hours after that," J explains as he turns and smiles encouragingly at me. "So, we're stuck together for a little while, how about we get to know each other?"

I return the smile, slightly amazed at how relaxed I feel around him, that I really could tell him anything. Then I remember that sharing everything can lead down a dangerous road, usually one on which I get my heart trod upon.

"Well, let's start simple then. What's your name? And where are ya from?"

"I think I can handle this type of interrogation. Edward Anthony Cullen and Edinburgh, Scotland, at the moment, but my family's from the London area. Just finished exams for medical school and I'm taking a well-earned holiday before my internship back in London." His eyebrows raise at that statement, but I hurriedly turn the question back to him, hoping to learn as much as possible about him. "What about you? What does J stand for?"

"Don't think I'm going to let the 'I'm a doctor' revelation slip by so easily, Edward. But we'll move on for now. Well, J stands for an old-fashioned family name that no one nowadays would be caught dead with...Jasper."

I laugh and his lips turn into a quick frown. "Oh Jasper, I'm not laughing at you. Actually, you really can't get more old-fashioned than Edward."

He chuckles along with me and I revel in the care-free sound. I don't know why he would be embarrassed about the name Jasper - it suits him. There's no way I'm going back to calling him J.

"Okay, you've got a point. I guess I forgive you then," he finally assents and I smile at him although he's staring at the road ahead.

"Where are you from? I've always been terrible with American accents," I continue, trying to change the subject from an obvious sore one for him.

"Originally, I'm from Dallas, Texas, but we moved to Austin when I was young." If I hadn't been watching his face so intently, I would have missed the flash of pain that crosses his face, gone almost as swiftly as it appeared.

He recovers and asks his next question quickly. "And where are you from? You said your family's from around London, but I can't place your accent either and I've been spending a lot of time with Commonwealth kids lately."

"Well, I am English, but my mum's American, a Southern girl herself actually. I think some of her twang rubbed off on us kids, making our accents a little harder to place."

"Kids, huh? You've got brothers and sisters?"

"Just one sister, Alice, and she's a force to reckon with. I swear she's not taller than my knee, but she cannot be stopped once she's on a mission." I remember vividly the trouble she and her 'missions' got us in when we were small, and I have the scars to prove it.

"Yeah, I have a sister like that. Well, she's quite tall... wouldn't do to have a short Whitlock. But man, is she fierce. She could take on a grizzly bear and probably win," he says with a smirk.

We laugh together and continue our easy banter until we exit the motorway. Jasper quiets as the road narrows and the curves become tighter. I watch his knuckles turn white with the grip he has on the steering wheel.

"If you'd like, I could drive for a bit. I am used to these types of roads and driving on the left after all."

I can see him relax slightly, his shoulders shifting from their tense position. "Actually, I might just take you up on that. This isn't as easy as the highway driving."

We come upon a small pastry shop and we stop to stretch our legs and grab a nibble. The cafe has a good selection of meat pies and Jasper's eyes widen at the number of choices.

"Well, I think I'll have to go for the Tazzy beef this time. Best in the country, yeah?" he asks the young woman behind the counter. She blushes and nods and he gives her a crooked smile and a wink. She hurries to warm up his pie, stumbling over her feet, while I take my time perusing my options.

"I think I'll take the cherry tart, if you please. And an Earl Grey tea if you have it." The girl blushes again and hurries to make my order.

"So, you went for fruit over meat, huh? Interesting." He winks at me and I can't help the feeling that he may actually be flirting, but then I remember the same gesture he gave the girl and try to dismiss it. He's just friendly.

_Right, Cullen. Keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll start to believe._

We sit at a small table on the patio and our food and beverages arrive shortly. He takes a large bite of his meat pie and moans quietly while closing his eyes and chewing slowly. I'm mesmerized by the angle of his jaw, the muscles bunching, his lips pursing slightly. He swallows and I pause midbite to watch his Adam's apple bob slowly as his tongue flicks out to lick his lips. I fight the sudden urge to lean across and nibble and suck his neck, spending time admiring it with my mouth.

I stifle my own moan with my pie and he opens his eyes quickly.

_Get a grip. The odds that he's gay and into you are about a thousand to one, so keep those thoughts, and your hands, to yourself._

"Good, yeah? I can't believe you didn't get one of the meat pies. I will seriously miss these when I'm back in the States." He takes another bite, moaning again.

I nod, not trusting my voice for a moment. God, if he knew what he did to me. "Next time, I promise I'll try one," I barely croak out.

After we finish our pies, Jasper concedes to let me drive the rest of the way to Bicheno.

A few miles down the road, he reaches into the back seat, brushing his chest along my arm and sending chills up my spine.

"What are you looking for?" I ask curiously, attempting to distract myself from his t-shirt clad muscles rubbing against my skin.

"I was just grabbing some tunes if that's okay." He looks at me questioningly and I nod my head. Soon he turns back to the front with an iPod in his hand. "Don't leave home without it! So, what do you like to listen to?"

"Depends on my mood most of the time. I'll listen to almost anything but American pop country. Some of the older stuff is good, and I like folk, but I just don't understand more modern country."

"Well darlin', I won't subject you to some of my tunes then. I've got almost every thing on here but classical."

I try to hide my disappointment with that revelation, but really most people just need the right exposure to the right classical music to appreciate it. I would definitely be willing to do that for him. "Hmm. Well, for driving, I _do_ typically listen to classical. Maybe I'll have to expand your horizons."

"Really? I can always put on country," he says seriously.

I wonder briefly if I've offended him, before I look over and catch him smirking at me with his crooked smile.

"How about some driving music? Something with a good beat?" he suggests.

"I can handle that," I reply, turning my attention back to the road.

I smile as the deep bass groove of Earth, Wind and Fire fills the speakers. We both sing along and the miles fly by as we nod our heads to the beat.

"Yeah, this works, Jasper. Good choice!"

He looks up at me suddenly, his eyes slightly widened. "You called me Jasper."

"Do you mind? You just seem more like a Jasper to me than a J." Outside I'm trying to placate, inside I'm kicking myself for the stupid slip.

He shakes his head slowly staring into my eyes and I swear he can see straight through me. Abruptly, he turns back to the iPod, breaking our contact. "Well, since you approved of my first choice, let's see how you like this."

I laugh when Cake's version of "I Will Survive", and laugh even harder when Jasper starts belting it out, pretending his hand is a microphone. As the lyrics sink in, I can feel my face fall, melancholy rearing its head. They're too close to home and all the things I'm trying to escape, all the things I want to leave behind. I focus back on Jasper singing his heart out and I try to smile at him. When the song ends I whistle as best as I can and he bows in his seat.

"And now for my encore!"

"Oh please no! I'm not sure I could handle another one!" I tease, pretending to block him out with my finger in my ear while I cringe away from him.

He pouts slightly before shaking his head and chuckling. "Fine, have it your way," he starts, shuffling his iPod until Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" fills the speakers. "We'll have to stick to classics then, or as close as I can get."

The rest of the ride to Bicheno we talk about music. I ask him about his guitar and he tells me about writing songs that no one will ever hear and his weekly open-mic night at the local coffee house.

"Music has always spoken to me or for me, even when words fail," he mumbles and turns to the window, but not before I see that brief flash of pain again. I change the subject quickly and tell him about studying piano for the majority of my life. At first it was forced on me by my mother, but now the only place I ever feel entirely myself is with my fingers on the ivories.

As I continue to talk about the piano, I notice Jasper staring at my hands on the steering wheel, my fingers subconsciously playing my favorite piece. I continue with the motions, wanting to finish the song, but I clear my throat to get his attention.

His eyes dart to mine and he flushes almost imperceptibly.

"I'm sorry," he starts. "I mean, I'd really like to hear you play sometime."

"Well, most of the backpackers don't have pianos, so that most likely won't happen this trip. How about you? Planning to get the guitar out?"

"I might be convinced," he responds lowly and I briefly imagine that voice whispering in my ear, my attraction to him reaching new heights. Luckily, his attention is averted as we enter the town of Bicheno and he straightens in his seat. "Hey! I think we're here. Just need to find the hostel, I mean, backpackers."

We pull into the backpackers and find the owner with his dog on the front porch. He greets us warmly and shows us to our 4-person share suite. One bunkbed is taken so we take the other, throwing our bags onto the beds.

"This is great! Thanks for making the trip with me, Edward. I had a really great time today. I only have about four days before I fly home, so I'm happy I get to explore a little more before I leave."

I want to offer more. I want to take him to see the amazing sights in the area. I want_ him_. "I'm glad I could help. I-"

I'm interrupted as two gorgeous, scantily clad girls bounce into the room and introduce themselves, effectively ending anything I had planned with Jasper. Apparently, Tanya and Bella, as they introduce themselves, are New Zealanders on a short holiday and looking for a good time. After obviously ogling both of us from head to toe, they invite us to come have a beer with them outside and offer to make us dinner tonight. I almost scoff aloud at the blatant suggestions from them, but Jasper wholeheartedly agrees. He turns to me as if expecting me to join them, but there's no way I can be privy to him flirting with these girls.

"I think I'm going to need a quieter night, but thank you for the offer, ladies."

"I need a minute to change and I'll be out to join you girls," Jasper dismisses them. They give each other a pointed look before leaving the room. As soon as they're gone, he turns to me, his voice hopeful and his wide smile back in place. "Are you sure you don't want to hang out with us?"

_Yeah, I want to watch these girls fall all over you as you flirt with them. That would just be the opposite of anything I would like to do tonight._

"No, I just need a quiet night, I think. I'm fairly tired still and want to read a little, maybe have something to eat and go to bed early."

His smile fades as I explain and I almost change my mind just to see him happy again, but I just don't feel like torturing myself tonight. He looks at me from the corner of his eye, trying to judge my sincerity.

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am, but thank you."

"I'll save you some dinner, if you'd like."

"Come let me know when you eat and maybe I'll join you then." I give him a half smile and a nod, figuring dinner should be safer.

His smile returns in full force and he claps me on the shoulder. "Okay, then I'll come get you later."

I watch him walking away from me and only turn when I hear the girls squeal as he joins them outside. I close the door, sighing deeply and resting my forehead against the dark wood. With my eyes firmly shut, I can still see the sun glinting off his golden hair, see his crooked smile directed at me, his eyes flashing with mirth.

Less than 24 hours since I first saw this boy and I've already got it bad.

High-pitched laughter filters in through the open window and I move to close it. Although my thoughts and actions seem to be all directed at or driven by him, I need to force him out of my head.

I flop onto my bed and pull out my old book, desperately trying to lose myself in the pages, lose my focus on Jasper, the boy I cannot want.

...

..

.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Please leave me some love._

_Oh and for those that are curious, the places in Tasmania are all real and I visited them last fall. Hope you are enjoying!  
_


	5. All I Wanna Do

_**A/N:** Dedicated to the one I love, **theladyingrey**... *sigh* Big thanks to **ahizelm** for all her beta-magic. (2 chapters cuz I'm feeling nice today...)  
_

.

**

* * *

The Setting**: Bicheno, Tasmania  
**  
****The Music**: _All I Wanna Do_, Sheryl Crow

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

The two kiwis seem nice and I'm always happy to meet new people. That is, until I watch Edward's demeanor change completely.

Earlier, he was awake and interactive and happy, but that ended as soon as _they_ entered. I want him to come with me, but I won't push.

I'm not entirely sure why I want him there, but he's easy and I need easy. I deserve easy.

Life at home is difficult, unpredictable. And I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. These thoughts swirl through my brain as one of the girls offers me her joint.

_This_ is easy.

...

..

.


	6. A Pirate Looks at Forty

_**A/N:** SM owns Twilight. **Theladyingrey42** owns me, so I wrote her this story. Thanks to **ahizelm** for the beta-job and to **miss_becky_louise** for keeping Edward British._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Bicheno, Tasmania - Bicheno Backpackers  
**The Music:** _A Pirate Looks at Forty_, Jack Johnson

Term: Garden = yard, anything with grass

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

I wake slowly to a warm hand on my shoulder and a soft, sweet voice whispering my name.

"Edward. The girls say dinner's ready, if you're interested."

His breath wafts over my face and I smell beer and weed and, surprisingly, it's not altogether unpleasant. The warmth from his hand seems to seep through my skin, warming places of my heart that I have ignored for far too long.

"Edward?"

I open my eyes, blinking at him, his face slowly coming into focus. His brows are furrowed in concern but then he notices that I'm waking and he smiles.

"Ah, so sleeping beauty awakes!" he chides me and I huff in reply.

"Uh, yeah. I'm up, I guess I was more jet-lagged than I realized." I stretch and knock my book off my stomach and onto the floor.

Jasper stoops to pick up the book and hands it back to me with a small smile. "I'm sure a hot meal will make you feel like yourself again. And I would really like it if you joined me. I mean, us."

I try not to get my hopes up about his slip, but my heart skips a couple beats when he asks me to have dinner with him.

I nod and tumble out of my bottom bunk, rolling my neck to get the kinks out. I run my hands through my hair and groan because I can feel that it's a lost cause.

"I think this is as presentable as I come right now," I grumble. "Ready when you are."

I glance up at Jasper when I realize he hasn't moved and watch him blink slowly and then shake his head.

"Jasper, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, fine. Let's go. The girls are just downstairs."

I follow him into the dining area and see a table laden with a variety of mismatched dishes and pans. The girls are scooping heaping helpings onto plates - rice, beans, stir fried veg and some sort of marinated sliced meat. It smells heavenly and my stomach growls appreciatively.

Jasper turns and smirks at me and I shrug unapologetically. Honestly, the last thing I ate was a cherry tart and I need real sustenance. We join them at the table and Jasper and I dig in heartily while the girls watch on.

"When was the last time you two ate?" Tanya asks as she's shaking her head. I notice Bella hiding a giggle behind her hand, and I wonder what's so funny.

"Dunno," Jasper answers around a mouthful of food. "Sometime around one or two maybe."

"And that was just a nibble," I helpfully point out.

"Well, eat up boys. There's more if you want it." Bella points to the large pan on the stove.

"This is amazing," I add. "Thank you so much for cooking for us."

"Don't thank us yet. _You_ have to clean all the dishes," Bella points out.

"Seems like a fair trade to me," Jasper joins in and I just nod my head, turning back to my plate.

The food is excellent and warm and homemade and I barely take time to enjoy the light conversation. Perhaps these girls aren't as bad as I thought. I catch Jasper smiling at me more than once and I feel my mood lighten with each grin. By the end of the meal, the girls and I are relentlessly teasing the lone American, although Jasper takes it as good as he gives. We are all laughing and joking when the girls get a phone call and make a hasty retreat to change before meeting some local boys for a drink.

"You two are welcome to join us if you'd like," Bella offers as they finish readying themselves for the evening.

"I thank you for the invitation, but I think I still need some sleep. I'm sure Jasper could keep the local blokes in line for you," I offer, silently pleading for him to stay.

"Sorry, ladies, but I need to call the States now before everyone heads to work."

They shrug and wave before heading out the door. "Your loss, boys!" Tanya calls to us before tossing her hair over her shoulder and following a laughing Bella outside.

Jasper and I gather all the dishes and dump them into the sink. He grabs soap and a sponge, tossing a towel at me.

"I wash, you rinse and dry?" he suggests.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I agree readily, still wanting to be close to him, however irrational it may be.

He rolls up the sleeves of his button-up shirt and I see a flash of silver and turquoise. I'm transfixed by the cuff around his wrist, wondering at the meaning of the design. He clears his throat and I look up into his clear blue eyes with a start.

"Sorry. Just admiring your cuff."

"It was a gift." He shrugs, dropping the subject completely, turning back to the filling sink and dropping the pans into the water. He washes the dishes in silence, placing the clean ones in the other half of the sink for me to rinse and move to the drying rack. We continue this for minutes before I can't handle it anymore. For a moment, I wish we had the easy banter that we had in the car. Then I resolve to end this weird silence between us.

"So, did you have fun with the girls earlier?"

"Yeah, we just hung out, had a couple joints, chilled. It was very low-key." He nods a little, handing me a large pot. "I wish you had come," he adds quietly.

"Well, you know," I stutter. _Bloody hell! What is up with me tonight?_ I clear my throat and continue, "I'm not sure my brain is functional yet, but I really needed that nap."

"Yeah, you were pretty out when I came in." He chuckles. "Are you really going back to bed so soon?"

"Was thinking about it. Why?" An absurd hope blossoms in my chest again that he may want to spend time with me.

"Well, after I call Rosalie, I was going to chill outside, maybe play some guitar." He turns to me, a small smile playing on his lips.

I don't miss that he's calling a girl back in the States. _So, he's not really interested in the New Zealand girls because he's already got a girl. _

I shrug, attempting to play off my anxiety. "Sure, I'm just going to write in my journal while you make your call then."

We finish the dishes, putting them back in their cupboards. He heads to the small room with the computer after grabbing a small headset from his backpack. I grab my journal and lounge on a couch near the room so I can tell when he's done. From where I sit, I can just see the back of his beautiful head as he sits facing the computer screen. I cannot hear his conversation, but it is often punctuated by laughter.

_This girl makes him happy._

I stand to grab a glass of water and almost fall over at the image of the woman on the screen. There is no possible way that the Kiwi girls could ever compete with that. I'm staring at Aphrodite herself - golden hair, piercing blue eyes, perfect porcelain features. I don't swing that way, never have, but even I can appreciate her flawless beauty.

I grab my water and return to my seat, taking a moment to wallow in my pitiful crush before he returns to 'hang out,' as he put it. I finish my day's entry, perhaps putting too much emphasis on the southern man in the other room, but he seems to be consuming more and more of my thoughts in every moment no matter how I try to put him out of my mind.

Shortly, Jasper emerges from the computer room, stretching and reaching his hands towards the ceiling. His shirt lifts and I glimpse a sliver of his toned abdomen, swallowing thickly as my mouth waters at the sight.  
_  
Great, I'll add that to the next fantasy that will never happen._

I sigh and stand, smiling widely and trying to just be happy. I can't let my own disappointment ruin what has potential to be an amazing friendship.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, just let me put this away." I wave my journal at him and head to the room. He follows closely behind me and his hand brushes lightly against my thigh as he passes to his backpack. He grabs his guitar and gestures to the door.

"After you."

I grin and lead the way out to the circle of deck chairs in the garden. At the end of the block is a small grocery and I suggest getting some beer. He agrees easily and I run down the hill to fetch the libation while he tunes his instrument. By the time I return and pop a couple bottles, he's strumming softly with the guitar on his knee and his head bent over the strings.

"Any requests?"

"No country," I tease and he lifts his head to smile at me.

"Well, then, you'll just have to suffer through the rock I may be able to pluck out."

"I'm sure I'll survive."

He begins playing in earnest, his nimble fingers picking through the notes and I recognize Jason Mraz's _I'm Yours_, and I try not to just fucking melt as his smooth, rich baritone joins the chords. His voice glides over the words and my heart almost stops when he croons to "not hesitate." I take a slow swig from my bottle, breaking eye contact and trying to clear my head.

He changes songs to something older and I hum along, recognizing the tune, but not from where.

"What is this? I can't quite place it."

"It's an old Clapton song, 'After Midnight.' Well, my slow and mellow version of it anyway."

I chuckle and settle back in the chair, trying my damnedest to keep my thoughts happy and pure and just enjoy the warm air, the night sky and the man sitting next to me. I rub my hands over my face, trying to wake myself up a little and barely stifling my yawn.

"I don't think you're going to make it til midnight," he teases.

"I'm trying to stay up, but my body is definitely starting to protest."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I am definitely _not_ looking forward to the flight back home."

"Oh? When are you flying back to the States?"

"Well, I have three more days here in Tazzy, then back to Sydney for half a day on Saturday, then back home that evening. I can't believe it's almost over."

I nod and try to look sympathetic, but I feel like I've been punched in the gut. _Three days?_ I only have three days with him. I watch him lean back in the chair, resting his head on the back while his hands absently play song after song on the guitar.

"It's strange sometimes to look at the stars here," he observes, breaking from his singing. "It's the same big sky as home, but the patterns are all unrecognizable. Like I'm in an entirely new universe."

"I know the feeling. Australia is like it's own magical, little world. I always feel like anything could happen here."

From my peripheral vision, I see him nod and take a sip of his beer. We sit in companionable silence, my thoughts drifting to home and family and possibilities. My plans right now don't allow for a relationship. My last attempt made it abundantly clear that I couldn't give everything I needed to medical school and still have a boyfriend. And when I return home I'll be starting my internship, and I'll have even less time to devote to someone, especially long distance.

So, why am I entertaining the idea of kissing him senseless? Perhaps I'm just a glutton for punishment. My sister would definitely agree, and then she'd add that I'm thinking too much.

I finish my beer and set the bottle in the grass before settling back again. I can feel my body relaxing, sinking into the chair, as Jasper's soft strumming fills the night air. I recognize pieces of Beatles and Jack Johnson, but just let the sounds wash over me.

"Hey there. No falling asleep out here. No telling what creepy crawlies come out at night, ya know?"

I am wide awake with that reminder and sit bolt upright in the chair. He chuckles and I glare at him.

"I'm not used to worrying about that kind of thing. Britain is pretty free of venomous creatures and the like."

"Where I grew up, you always checked your boots before putting them on, so Australia isn't much different." He stands slowly and I follow, grabbing the empty bottles and the unopened beer.

"Thanks for playing for me. This was very relaxing and just what I needed."

"No problem, man. Anytime. It was nice to play again, actually."

I stop at the large communal washroom and when I return to our room, he's already changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt. He leaves quickly with his toothbrush in hand and a small wave to me in passing. I change and lay down in my bottom bunk, wondering briefly if the girls' return will wake me later. My body sinks into the mattress and I wrap the duvet around me.

Jasper returns quickly and jumps into the top bunk. Suddenly his head appears over the edge, his blonde waves falling around his face.

"I was just thinking. I'm planning on going to Freycinet Park tomorrow and hiking to Wineglass Bay. Would you like to come?"

My heart races and yet my words, thankfully, seem calm to my ears. "Yeah, I'd love to."

"Excellent," he replies, flopping back into the bed. "See you tomorrow, Edward. G'night."

"Good night, Jasper."

I turn off the light before rolling to my side. Sleep claims me almost instantaneously.

...

..

.

* * *

_So, I'm posting some birthday drabbles I wrote for EchoesOfTwilight and Naelany in a new story called "Shorts, Drabs and Outs." They're slashy if you're into that kind of thing. *wink*_


	7. I'm Yours

_**A/N: **As always, this entire adventure is dedicated to **theladyingrey42** for just being her (and getting a year older). Big thanks to **ahizelm** for the beta-job. This one makes me think of Napolean Dynamite and that Jasper is cute... sigh... Oh, and I know some of you will be a little miffed about this one, but it will be clearer soon._

..

* * *

**The Setting:** Bicheno Backpackers, Tasmania  
**The Music:**_ I'm Yours_, Jason Mraz

..

.

**JPOV**

I'm an idiot.

Why is the first tune my fingers pick have to be _that_ song? No need to complicate? Yeah, right.

But he ignored that and we relaxed, we chatted, and it was beyond simple. Just the way we were meant to be.

I stare at the shifting patterns of light on the ceiling, wrestling with what's right and what I want. Right is waiting, talking to Peter, my rock for so many years, making me free and clear.

Want is a strong, bronze-haired god softly snoring below me. And my unparalleled joy about tomorrow.

I groan and roll over.

I'm _such_ an idiot.

..

.


	8. Angel

_**A/N:** This little story is entirely dedicated to** theladyingrey42**. This chapter would not be possible without the beta genius of **ahizelm** and the help with my "Brit-speak" from **Miss_Becky_Louise**. Thank you ladies for helping me with this! If you've never seen Wineglass Bay in Freycinet Park, stop everything and google it right now. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been._

..

* * *

**The Setting**: Freycinet National Park (Wineglass Bay), Tasmania  
**The Music:** _Angel_, Sarah McLachlan

Term: Jumper = fleece or sweatshirt

..

**

* * *

**

**EPOV**

Once again I'm awoken by a soft, warm hand on my shoulder and a husky voice calling my name. I open my eyes to Jasper's lean form bending over me in the dim light filtering through the blinds.

"The girls are still sleeping," he says quietly while looking over his shoulder at their bunks. "They got in pretty late."

"They did? I didn't even hear them come in." I rub my eyes and stifle a yawn with my hand.

He chuckles lightly and pats my shoulder. "You were out like a light, dude. I don't think anything would've woken you. Anyway, I wanted to get an early start if you don't mind."

"Not at all. We can leave whenever you're ready."

"This is a pretty steep hike over the pass, but I was planning on taking a dip in the bay after. I have a small backpack to bring some things if you need. I'm going to pack us a lunch. Meet you out in the common area?"

He backs up a little and I notice he's already dressed in light hiking trousers and a zip-up jumper over a dark t-shirt.

"Yeah, be out in a sec."

I quickly throw on a pair of khakis and a thin button down, throwing a pair of swim trunks on the bed to take with me. I run to the washroom and clean up a bit, deciding to hold off on showering until our return. We eat our breakfast hastily, wolfing down large mouthfuls of cold cereal before packing our lunch and grabbing a few things for the trip. He stuffs a pair of trunks and a map in the backpack and my trunks on top with our lunch and some water.

"Looks like we're all set." His eyes twinkle as he looks up at me. "Let's rock this popsicle stand."

I grab my camera bag, glad at the opportunity to use it and hoping to get a few choice shots of the unsuspecting Jasper.

The park is not that far and, before the sun is much above the horizon, we're pulling into the parking lot at the end of the twisting road. The trail for the Wineglass Bay Lookout leaves from this lot and heads almost straight up the mountain to the lookout, then down to the beach and finally looping back around to Hazards Beach. We decide to complete the loop and hope Hazards Beach will be fairly empty as most people stop at Wineglass Bay.

The hike up the mountain is fairly steep, but steps are carved into the rock, making the trip much easier. There are benches along the way with a few weary visitors making use of the resting place. Jasper and I talk about our plans for school and I learn that he will be starting his graduate work in War Studies at Cornell when he returns to the US. He deferred for the fall semester as the professor he wanted to work with was on sabbatical.

"Yeah, he's a really great guy. Studied in Europe actually, but he always had a fascination with the American wars so came to the States."

"Do you have a preference?"

"Nah, not really. Many of the European civil wars are very interesting - all the politics behind them. But, I'm also intrigued by the American Civil War." He turns to look at me before chuckling and adding, "Peter always says I'm a Confederate at heart."

I'm surprised at the casual mention of this bloke, Peter. Is he someone important? I decide I can't keep not knowing what's going on in his life.

"Peter? A friend?"

He rubs his wrist where I know that silver and turquoise band rests. "No, not exactly. Peter's...uh... Peter's my boyfriend."

"Really?" I can't decide how I should react - happy he bats for the same team or sad that he's already taken. He looks nervously at me and I realize he doesn't know how comfortable I am with that revelation. "My last boyfriend and I split about two months ago after almost two years together," I confess. "He didn't want to have a long distance relationship and he was moving back to Cambridge."

"That's horrible. You'd think two years would mean more."

"Yeah. You would think," I mumble, not entirely comfortable with discussing Alistair. I honestly thought he might have been the one, but one internship opportunity and he was just gone. No trying, no conversation. Just gone.

By the time we reach the top, we are both huffing and puffing, speechless from lack of oxygen and the amazing view. Below us, the bay is seemingly cut from the mountains as they almost meet at the mouth. The sand is glistening in the morning sun, the white expanse and blue waves calling to us.

"This is amazing up here," Jasper pants. "Makes me wish I climbed more mountains."

"This view is just splendid," I say between breaths. "Absolutely brilliant."

"You said it, man."

We both lean against the railing, basking in the morning rays of sunshine and enjoying the view. I climb a few of the nearby rocks, snapping pictures and even capturing a few of Jasper. Gazing over the bay, he looks so sad, so lost, and I wonder about what his life has been like to make him feel that way.

He turns to me and smiles and all his sadness melts away.

"Ready, dude? That beach is calling my name."

I laugh and he looks at me curiously. "I was just thinking the same thing," I explain.

We arrive at the beach in record time, half running down the mountain. Jasper laughs when we reach the sand, hopping on one foot as he removes his shoes.

"Come on, Edward. Race ya!"

He runs across the sand shoes in hand, his blonde waves dancing in the breeze, his laughter ringing across the waves. I remove my shoes as quickly as possible and run after him. He suddenly drops to the sand and opens his small pack, removing our swim trunks, handing mine to me.

"I don't know about you, but I am down-right sweaty after that. Let's go for a quick dip and then we can have lunch," he suggests.

I agree and we both change as inconspicuously as possible. I finish first and take off my shirt before running into the waves. The water isn't as cold as I expected and I dive in after a few steps. When my head breaks the surface, a great splash of water breaks over my head and I hear a whoop behind me from Jasper. I turn to retaliate but get another face full of water and I have to clear my eyes before going after him.

"You'll pay for-" I'm cut off as he splashes me yet again. I growl and dive after him but he leaps away. We roughhouse and laugh and splash in the waves, each trying to dunk the other. I grab him from behind, trying to drag him under the water and I feel a shiver travel down his body. I let go suddenly and he turns to face me, crouching in the waves and keeping his torso under the water.

"Jasper, if you're cold we can go lay on the beach and dry off a bit."

"Huh?" He looks at me quizzically and then his eyes widen with understanding. "Uh, yeah, I guess we should get out."

He follows me back to the beach and we flop into the sand. He reaches into his pack and produces a bottle of water, which I take gratefully. He turns to move the pack and the sunlight glistens off the taught muscles of his back and side. And broad white lines crisscrossing on his tanned skin.

"Jasper! What the hell are those?" Trying and failing to keep the horror out of my voice.

"Ahh. You noticed, did you? I was wondering when that would happen," he says, sounding defeated.

"What-" I pause, swallowing and try again. "What happened?"

"My dad and his belt happened. Many times over."

"Holy Christ," I swear, unable to tear my eyes away from the dozens of scars that cover his torso and arms.

"It's just a little reminder of him every day. Fucking bastard." He sighs deeply and runs his fingers through his hair before continuing. "My mother is a brave, strong woman, but it took years to escape from him. But, eventually, we did."

"Jesus, Jasper. I... I just couldn't even imagine having lived through that." I can feel the emotions threatening to choke me, sadness and anger warring inside of me.

Jasper laughs it off. "Twelve years of therapy and counseling and I'm okay now. Not perfect, never whole, but okay."

I take a minute to process the information, stunned by what he's revealed. I'm angry at his father and sad for the boy, but right now what I feel is somewhat like pride. Pride for this man before me that had to endure such pain as a child and still has the strength to move on, to be his own person and to share his pain with others.

"What ever happened to him?"

"My dad?" I nod briefly, worried about the answer as his brows furrow. "Yeah, well. Fucker got himself killed in a bar brawl a few years back. Good fucking riddance." He buries his fingers into the sand, forming tight fists before lifting and releasing the clumps. The pain and anger burned across his face is heartbreaking.

I want to hold him, I want to kiss him and tell him that everything will be alright. I know now that his scars run much deeper than his skin and I'm in awe that he is willing to share these stories with me.

Suddenly, he flops back onto the sand, his arms stretching above him. "Enough of this! This is a beautiful day on a beautiful beach with b...," he pauses and glances up at me before smirking. "I mean, very nice company."

"No, no Jasper. I'm fairly certain you were going to call me beautiful, which, I might add, is completely accurate." I lay on the sand next to him and he playfully shoves my shoulder. Gazing up through the palm trees, I try to pretend that the heat radiating through my body is only from the sun and sand, that there's no tension pulling on me from the man to my right.

I'm amazed how much more comfortable we are with each other now that we know we both bat for the same team. Yes, he's told me about Peter, but I don't think he would deny the instant connection between us. I feel like I've known him my whole life, that this easy camaraderie is just inevitable, natural. Being with him would be as simple as breathing.

Soon enough, it's time for us to continue our hike and we stuff our trousers into the pack. We have a short stint across the isthmus and then a longer hike along the coastline. We make good time across the flatland between the beaches and decide to eat our sandwiches on the go, eager to see the Hazards beach.

Jasper opted not to put his shirt back on, wanting to get some sun as he put it. Behind him on the trail, I can just see some black ink peeking from the top of the pack and wonder why I hadn't noticed it earlier. It looks like some sort of script and I promise myself to ask him about it later.

We cross Hazards beach and follow the rocky coastline back to the parking lot. Along the way, we see a few wallabies in the forest and two lizards sunning themselves on the rocks. We talk about lighter things, although Jasper mentions Peter several more times. He and Peter met at a support group for people from abusive homes. I can see that Peter is a big part of his life and that they have a strong connection. I haven't met the bloke, but I envy Peter that.

It may be selfish of me, but I want to be there for Jasper, too. We can be friends. I would rather have some part of him in my life than nothing at all. I resolve that I won't jeopardize my friendship with him because of my need to touch him. I can control myself for a few more days.

Arriving back at the car, Jasper puts his shirt on for the drive back, covering his tempting skin and causing me to sigh in relief. Or is it regret? When he settles in the seat, he gives me one of his winning crooked smiles.

"Ready?"

I smile in return, remembering him asking me this same question yesterday. Hoping I can pull this off, I respond the same way. "As I'll ever be."

...

..

.

* * *

_Leave me some love?_


	9. Here Comes the Sun

_**A/N: **As always, I dedicate all of my words to **theladyingrey42.** Big thanks to **ahizelm **for the beta-job. I'm thinking about posting the next chapter today as well, as I know you've been waiting for this. Leave Jasper some love, would you? The editor is making crazy changes so I apologize in advance if it's messed up._

_._

**

* * *

**

The Setting: The Road between Freycinet and Bicheno, Tasmania  
**The Music:** _Here Comes the Sun_, the Beatles

**

* * *

**

JPOV

I glance at his sleeping form while I drive, aching to touch him, to have him touch me.

When I thought he was straight, I could pretend I just appreciated the view. Found a new friend.

But he's not and I'm not. And he's more wonderful than anything I could have imagined.

Today was bliss and torture: wrestling, laughing, just being together sending chills through my body.

And my scars? My past? He looked at me like he was proud of me, not with pity.

Peter's my rock. But maybe I don't need anchoring anymore. I want sun and light and easy.

I want Edward.

...

..

.


	10. Satellite

_**A/N: **This entire adventure of these two lovely boys is dedicated to **theladyingrey42**. She's the bestest. Big thanks to **ahizelm** for the beta-ness and **miss_becky_louise **for helping keep Edward British. Hope you like 2 chapters in a day! (No promises on posting schedule, my life is crazy.)_

**

* * *

**

**The Setting:** Bicheno, Tasmania  
**The Music**: _Satellite_, Guster

* * *

**EPOV**

I start awake when Jasper's voice calls to me softly, not even realizing I had fallen asleep.

"Sorry?" I look up, noticing we've parked in front of the hostel already. "Oh, I didn't mean to doze off."

He chuckles and grabs his pack and a couple plastic bags from the back seat. "S'ok. You obviously needed it."

"What's in the bags?" I say while trying to cover a yawn with my hand.

"Dinner," he says simply, exiting the car. I hurry to catch up, reaching him at the top of the steps.

"Dinner?" I repeat incredulously. _He can cook? What _can't_ he do?_

"Yeah, I'm making you my specialty, Texas chili. My treat for dragging you out of bed so early."

"You don't have to do that, Jasper." I touch his arm tentatively, noticing the warmth of his sun-touched skin radiating through my palm.

"Yeah," he replies softly, gazing intently into my eyes. "But I want to."

_Now, how could I argue with that? _I shrug, feigning nonchalance as I gesture for him to go before me through the door. I follow him up the stairs to the kitchen and help him by unloading the bags while he finds mismatched pots and pans to suit his needs.

I watch him in awe as he expertly chops and browns and mixes, adding everything to a giant pot. My sister always teases me that I could burn water and, sadly, it's really not far from the truth. With Jasper's cooking prowess though, he's soon stirring a bubbling concoction of the most delicious smelling chili I have ever known. My attempts at trying to taste a spoonful have so far been unsuccessful because he's continually thwarting me.

"My God, Jasper. That smells heavenly," I decree, trying to distract him as I move closer to steal a bite.

He smacks my hands away and playfully shoves me in my chest, steering me towards the table. "Did you think I would really fall for that? You'll just have to wait til it's ready. Besides, you can't eat chili without cornbread and that still has a few minutes left to bake."

I sigh as I slump into the chair at the table and Jasper turns to chuckle at me.

"Not too much longer, darlin'. Promise."

I watch his lithe frame move between the stove, tasting and stirring, and the oven, peeking in occasionally. My stomach growls incessantly and I approach him again, but he continues to push me away, my smile growing with each teasing shove from him.

"Can't you hear my stomach?" I whine, reverting to my teenage self the hungrier I get. "It's going to revolt soon."

"Patience, my man. Good chili takes time. But, you will soon be rewarded." He turns to me with a smirk as he lifts the spoon to his lips. "I think it's done."

I sigh in relief and grab the requested items, napkins and spoons. He puts the pot of savory goodness on the table and pulls a pan of corn bread from the oven. Up to this point, the only chili I've had has been in the UK and I smack my lips in anticipation of tasting what Jasper calls the real deal.

Jasper ladles the spicy concoction into two bowls, handing me mine with a small warning about the heat, which I promptly ignore, burning the roof of my mouth. I don't regret it one bit and I think my stomach has decided to forgive me this time. The chili is the perfect mixture of spicy and rich and the corn bread balances it all with its subtle, smooth flavor. It is perfection in a bowl.

With every bite, I moan and groan and praise the chef who just sits there watching me with a small smile playing on his lips. He takes small bites, occasionally nodding to himself, but we eat in complete silence. Well, silent if you don't count my outbursts of pleasure.

I eat until I can no longer fight down another bite, refusing Jasper as he offers me thirds.

"I don't think I've ever seen someone enjoy my chili that much," Jasper admits, chuckling a little as I stretch and groan.

"That was by far the best bloody meal I've had in a long time. Thank you for making that and sharing with me."

Jasper's face pinks and he looks down at his bowl, aimlessly pushing around his spoon. "It was my pleasure, Edward. I just wish we had a few more meals together now. I don't typically get this kind of praise."

The tone of the conversation suddenly darkens and I don't know how to lighten it again. Truth is, I'm all too aware of how few days we have left together, and this time is both pleasurable and painful at the same time. I don't want to wallow in the what-ifs and the might-have-beens, so I abruptly change tactics.

"Do you want to look through the pictures I took today? I hope there's at least a couple good shots of that wallaby."

His eyes brighten at the mention of the pictures. "Yeah! That would be great!"

I grab my laptop from the room and sit on the couch to download the pictures while Jasper puts the pans in the sink to soak. As soon as they're in the water, I call him over. Some of the pictures are amazing - the wallabies were cooperating enough that I have a couple decent shots - but those aren't the ones that grab my attention. I can't tear my eyes away from the candid shots of Jasper, laughing, running, hair glistening the sun. One in particular at the Wineglass Bay lookout makes me catch my breath, a choking sound emanating from my throat. Jasper is leaning forward against the railing, unaware of my clicking camera, lost in thought, lost to the world, serene and beautiful.

If Jasper is aware of my thoughts, he shows no outward sign, continuing to point to certain features in the pictures, retelling stories from our hike.

"Hey man, would you mind emailing these to me when you get a chance? These are amazing!"

I pause, stunned that he wants me to contact him after we have gone our separate ways. "Uh, yeah. I can do that."

"Thanks! I'm not that great about taking pictures myself, and I would love to show these to people back home."

Of course, people back home. Peter. He just likes the pictures. _Get a fucking grip._ Friends. We are friends. Perhaps if I repeat that enough times, I'll actually start to believe it's enough for me. He's looking at me expectantly and I realize he's probably waiting for a response.

"Yeah, sure," I agree, hoping my disappointment isn't evident in my voice. "Just give me your email address and I'll send them when I get home."

"Thanks again, man." He smiles at me before stretching slowly. "Do you want to grab a couple beers and chill outside before bed? I'm about whupped."

I agree so we wash the dishes quickly and head outside with our beers, sitting in the same chairs and watching the stars. I lean my head on the back of the chair, listening to Jasper's contented sigh next to me. He hands me a beer and tilts his towards mine and we clink them together before taking long pulls of the cold, bitter liquid. I open my mouth to ask about his guitar when a cell phone ring interrupts me.

"Ugh, I hate this thing. I'm sorry, will you excuse me?" He holds up the ringing cell phone, frowning at it before looking back to me.

"Certainly. Take your time," I reassure him. He nods at me and walks back to the building while answering it. I sit and watch the stars for several minutes before I begin to feel the chill in the air. Jasper hasn't come back, so I return to the room, grabbing a jumper from my bag. On my way back through the common room I hear Jasper's raised voice from the computer room. I pause outside the door, not really wanting to know, but overwhelmingly curious who could get him so worked up.

"Damn it, Peter! You will not speak to me like that!" Jasper rants and I gasp. Peter? His boyfriend? I suddenly have the urge to run in the room and tell Peter where to go, but that won't solve anything and would most likely make the rest of my time here in Tasmania lonelier.

"I don't know why you're being like this," Jasper continues, his voice softer. "I'm back in a just a few days and I promise I will visit you in a week."

So, Peter doesn't like being away from Jasper. Honestly I can understand his position. It's tearing me up that I'm facing that in the near future.

"No, I'm going to visit Ma first," he practically growls. "There will be no discussion about this." He pauses before adding in a menacing tone, "You heard me." There's another pregnant pause before Jasper threatens, "Don't you fucking dare-"

He screams in frustration. "Fucker hung up on _me_?" There's an eerie silence on the other side of the door and I can't back away fast enough before the door flies open. Jasper's face is red and angry, his eyes burning with rage.

I am frozen to my spot on the floor, stunned into silence by the fury in Jasper's face. His eyes widen and his face immediately softens when he finally recognizes me in the room.

"Um...yeah. Sorry about that," he chuckles, staring at the floor and running his hand through his hair as he clenches his fist around the cell phone in the other.

I try to feign nonchalance, like I hadn't just heard the end of that conversation. "Um, anything you want to talk about?"

He looks up at me, seemingly started. "Not particularly," he starts, "but I'm assuming you won't take no for an answer."

"Probably not," I agree, smiling in encouragement. "I'm a good listener, and I've been in similar situations, I imagine. Perhaps I can help."

"This may be too heavy for you, Edward. I appreciate the offer, but I really don't want to trouble you with this," he says quietly while looking at his feet.

"No trouble at all. That's what friends are for," I encourage him, wanting to help any way I can.

He finally agrees and we return to our chairs outside beneath the night sky. I wait, sensing Jasper may need a few minutes to collect his thoughts. He hasn't held back his opinion in any other situation; I don't think he would be reserved about this either.

My muscles are sore from the day of hiking and my body starts relaxing into the chair, my mind calmed by the slight breeze and the stillness of the night. I hear Jasper take in a deep breath and then he starts.

"See, it's like this. Peter wants me all to himself. At _all_ times," he stresses, looking at me and continuing after I nod. "He didn't want me to come here. He doesn't like me to go anywhere without him. I never wondered about it before because I wanted to spend all my time with him, too. I go home in a few short days and I promised my mother I would visit her first, not race back to school to see Peter. He wants me to come straight to him or for him to come to my Ma's house. I told him no. He hung up on me." He shrugs and brings his bottle to his lips again.

I can tell it's the short version, but I think I get the gist. "So, is it more than just missing you?"

"Yes. No. Oh hell, I don't know," he huffs, running his hands through his hair. " I miss him, too. God knows I do, but he's just being ridiculous."

"Sometimes we act ridiculous when we're in love." I can see he's about to protest so I continue quickly. Bloody hell, even saying these words is almost too much for me. "Not that I'm saying he handled that the right way. Hanging up never solves anything. But he's lonely and unhappy and realized his timeline in his head just moved a few days. Maybe give him a day and talk to him again. I'm sure it'll work out." What am I doing? I don't really want to encourage him to mend things with his boyfriend, but I can't as a friend advise him differently. He needs a friend and that's what I'll be.

He sighs again and looks sideways at me. "Yeah, you're probably right. We've never been apart for this long before. It's different for both of us, but he's still sitting in the same apartment. I just wish he would see my point of view sometimes."

"Yeah, life would be easier if that happened more often, huh?" I respond, trying to lighten the mood.

"Amen, brother." He lifts his bottle and we clink them together again.

We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes. I wonder at the ease that we can talk about seemingly anything but still be happy just sitting together with no words between us, just sharing the night air.

"Listen, Edward, I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but I'm exhausted. I'm going to take a shower and head to bed."

"S'ok, I think I'll read for a while and call it a night myself."

Jasper stands, stretching in that delicious manner he does, and heads inside.

"Edward, I forgot to ask you. I'm going to the Bay of Fires tomorrow and have to leave pretty early again. Would you like to come?" His voice sounds hopeful and I hate to disappoint him, but I need some time to think, some time alone.

"Thanks for the offer, but I will have to decline. I plan to go to the aquarium tomorrow and hopefully just relax and read some."

His face falls, but he quickly recovers, flashing me a brilliant smile. "You and that book. Well, I hope you have fun and I'll see you when I return. Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Jasper."

When he leaves, I go inside as well, grab my book and curl up on the couch, forcefully pushing away the images of a naked, wet Jasper in the room down the hall. Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

...

..

.


	11. Wish You Were Here

_**A/N: **__ Suprise! This chapter and the whole story are dedicated to my BFF and fellow fic-h00r, __**theladyingrey42**__. Without her, well, I wouldn't be writing this, that's for sure. Big thanks to __**ahizelm **__for the beta-work. And now, what you've all been waiting for… a whole chapter of Jasper. (Sorry, not naked time just yet.) And I know the updates have been frequent recently, I'm just buttering you all up for later. :)_

**

* * *

The Setting:** Bay of Fires, Tasmania  
**The Music**: _Wish You Were Here_, Incubus

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

When I get off the phone with Peter, I am livid. I think I finally understand the expression "boiling with rage" as I clench my fists and try not to take my anger out on the nearest inanimate object.

How dare he think he can tell me what to do? Not just tell, _order_. Especially considering what he knows about me and my past. After he lived through the same kind of hell.

And what did he mean by _"or else"_? Or else what? He'd _leave_ me?

I lived a long time under the strict rule of a tyrant and I promised myself then and my mother later that I would never let anyone hold me down or keep me back. That's why when I had saved enough for this trip to Australia and Peter said he didn't like the idea and didn't want me to go, I came here anyway. No one could hold me back from what I wanted.

And here he is tonight, telling me he still doesn't like me here by myself. He doesn't want to hear about my adventures, the sights I've seen and the people I've met. He only wants me to tell him I miss him and that I was wrong to come here. I'm beginning to understand that this cuff he gave me wasn't a sign of love but of possession, and I worry about what I'm going to return to in a few days.

After performing some breathing exercises my therapist has always told me would help, I feel calm enough to leave the room. I open the door and find Edward's green eyes regarding me cautiously, his face calm with no hint of a smile.

I try to laugh it off, as I'm sure he heard my half of that call, but he sees straight through my facade. Gradually, he pulls the whole story from me and, through his words, I can start to see Peter's point of view. I still don't like it, and we're going to have a serious talk when I see him next, but I can begin to understand.

A strange, stilted silence falls between us and I excuse myself to take a shower. Before I leave, I casually invite Edward to accompany me to the Bay of Fires the next day. He shakes his head at me, saying he had a day planned at the local aquarium and just relaxing. I try not to be disappointed, that I hadn't been hoping he would spend another day with me, but I fail miserably.

I wish him a good night and go straight into the bathroom, needing a few minutes alone to just be, to re-center myself. The hot water relaxes my muscles and calms my circling thoughts considerably and when I'm done, exhaustion almost overwhelms me.

Seeing Edward curled on the couch reading his book, I stay silent and shuffle into our room. Climbing the ladder to my bunk, I throw myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling, my thoughts swirling in my head.

Peter. Edward.

There's no comparison between the two.

Peter is my anchor and has been for so long, since we met and shared stories at a group therapy session. We have a shared past, one that he says no one would ever understand. His stormy grey eyes miss nothing, understanding my every mood, and he always has a way to bring me back from the depths of my sadness or anger. Lately, he has been less supportive of my music and wants me to spend more time with him rather than playing my guitar, but not everyone understands the pull of music. Notes and songs have always been my back up method of communication.

I absently rub my inner bicep where the words are inked permanently into my skin and I instinctively know that Edward would understand. Music is also his passion; I can see it in his eyes when I play, feel the reverence in his voice when we talk.

Edward, his green eyes smiling at me but also penetrating into my soul.

I feel like I have known him forever, that I could tell him anything and he would accept it. I know I was nervous telling Edward about my past, but he absorbed my story as easily as air. And Edward_ is _easy, lightness, sunshine. He illuminates the darkness in my life, but not to just point out the bad - rather to show me there's nothing to hide, no reason to be ashamed.

Edward enters the room and I stay still, evening my breathing and trying to feign sleep. I hear rustling as he changes his clothes and climbs into the lower bunk. He quickly falls asleep and I lay awake picturing his sleeping form below me. I stare at the ceiling and soon I can hear his soft snores and mumbles.

I have lived through many forms of torture, but I never thought it could be this sweet. To be so close to Edward without touching. To sleep in the same room and hear his gentle sighs and resist climbing into the bed with him. I should not be entertaining these thoughts. I still have a boyfriend back home and I swore he would have nothing to worry about while I was away from him. But, when I made that promise, he had still been steady, gentle Peter. This Peter that I talked to tonight was not my Peter. He was angry and controlling and unreasonable.

How could I resolve this?

I lay awake for hours it seems, these two dynamics pulling at me. For now, I will be friends with Edward, enjoy his company and keep in touch when we leave Australia. I will deal with Peter when I get home and then we'll see what happens. Edward will still be a world away and may not want me anyway.

With these thoughts still rolling around in my head, I finally drift off for a few fitful hours of dream-filled sleep. I wake before everyone and slip out, unwilling to face Edward again, just needing to get to the beach and clear my head.

I drive north, following the ocean until I find the park just past Binalong beach. Exiting the car, I climb over the small dunes and find a white sand beach stretching before me, the ebb tide revealing large mats of kelp and small tidal pools. Along the bank are large boulders and rocks covered in lichen making them the colors of flames, giving the Bay of Fires its name. I scale the boulders closest to me, and then edge towards the water, feeling the faint salty spray on my face. Leaning back, I absorb the sun's rays, the warmth seeping into my skin.

I lay there for hours, seemingly, alone and thinking. The debate of last night is still battling it out in my head.

Last night, Edward said that Peter is probably lonely and just misses me, and at the time, it had made sense. After sleeping on it, though, I think this may have started before I left, before I had even thought about coming to Australia.

I really don't do anything for myself anymore. Peter and I do everything together. I haven't even been to the open mic night at the bar back home because Peter didn't like the bar, had a headache, too much schoolwork, whatever...and I never went without him.

When did it become like this? When did I lose myself?

The day passes slowly, my internal debate never ending, my head hurting with all of the possibilities. Most of all, I worry about what will happen when I get home. Will I just fall into the same routine? Can Peter and I change? Do I want to change? Do I want him to? Or do I want something completely different?

Would _he_?

My thoughts turn and turn, no end or answer in sight. I shouldn't let Edward play any role in my decisions about Peter. Edward is my friend. My friend that I want to touch. Desperately.

Suddenly, I'm startled awake, the sun much closer to the horizon then it was just a moment ago. I shake my head, trying to remember why I'm sprawled on an orange rock next to the ocean, awareness slowly returning to me.

I curse loudly as I realize I spent most of the day at this one beach thinking about all my troubles when I should have been enjoying the view. One more glance at the sun and I know I need to start the drive back to Bicheno, my adventure cut short. I worry momentarily about dinner as I know I won't even make it back to town before the store closes. I do have cereal and can probably find something else to snack on, but I really like dinner to be _dinner_ - something hot.

I jog back to my car and turn back for the coastal drive to Bicheno. I lose myself in the music blaring from the speakers, my earlier worries about Peter and Edward and my current dilemma whirling around in my head again. I pull into the parking lot at the backpackers and shake my head once more, willing my brain to just stop for a little while. I hope that Edward is here. I hope he still wants to be my friend.

I walk in and all my fears and insecurities and anxiousness melt away at the sight of Edward's smiling face, his happiness like a ray of sunshine through my dark mood.

"Come on, Jasper. I made us dinner." He sweeps his arm dramatically and makes a big show of pulling back my chair for me.

"Why, Mr. Cullen, to what do I owe the honor?" I ask, picking up on his light mood.

"Just thought you would appreciate this after a long day of hiking. It's no Texas chili, but I think you'll find it sticks in your gut."

And with that, Peter and his little bit of crazy slip to the back of my mind, my attention solely focused on Edward. I can enjoy _this_ now, I can be _here_ now. With him.

Reality will slap me in the face soon enough.

…

..

.


	12. If I Could

_**A/N:**__ I know you all know this already, but this story was entirely written for my BFF, __**theladyingrey42**__. Her story, Love Amongst the Ruins, was just completed last night. If you haven't read it, it's a must. Congrats, babe! With this chapter, big thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for beta-ing and __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ for keeping Edward British._

_I also wanted to say thank you for all the lovely reviews and all the alerts. This is quickly becoming my most popular story and I love to hear all your responses to these two and their journey. _

_And now, what has Edward been doing all day while Jasper was at the Bay of Fires? Hmmm…. By the way, the song for this chapter is one of my favorites ever.  
_

**

* * *

The Setting:** Bicheno - The Aquarium and Bicheno Bay

**The Music: ** _If I Could_, Phish

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV **

I awake with a start, sitting straight up in my bunk and almost smacking my head into the one above me. The dream had seemed so real. I could almost feel his touch, taste him in my mouth still. I rub my thumb over my fingers, wondering if that tingling is the remnant of my dream as well. Jasper's hair had been silky between my fingers as I pulled him to me, our mouths finally connecting with fire and passion.

I shake my head to clear those thoughts; it wouldn't do to walk out of this room with a screaming hard-on. I think about the most disgusting things I can: rotten food, worms, Gram in her underwear. _Yup, that did it._

I stand lazily and stretch, noticing Jasper's bunk is empty and his small pack is gone. _Man, he's an early riser._ The girls are still curled up in their bunks, so I slip out to the common area with my book, determined to find some food. After breakfast and a good hour of immersion in my fantasy novel, I tip-toe back into the room, grabbing clean clothes, my towel and toiletries before heading to the shower.

As I wash myself, I feel the last vestiges of my dream finally fall away from me. This is precisely why I needed to spend a day away from him. My brain is already wrapped up in Jasper and I need at least a few hours to clear my head. He has a boyfriend and, admittedly, I'm really not in the best place to start a relationship even if he _was_ available. I scrub my head in frustration.

How could this southern boy with his lazy smile get under my skin so quickly? Into my head? Into my dreams?

I've never felt so out of control and it is freaking me the fuck out. I'm always in control. I know exactly what I want from my life and I have a plan to get it. But, Jasper... He walks into a room and I forget my well-laid plans. Hell, I forget my name. It's as if the whole world melts away and there's just us.

My fingers are starting to turn pruny, so I leave the warm water, drying myself and getting dressed. I told Jasper I would visit the aquarium today in Bicheno, which should be a short walk from the hostel. The girls are gone when I return to the room, and I send a small thanks to whoever's watching over me before grabbing my camera and heading downstairs and outside into the sunshine.

The town of Bicheno is very small and hugs a small bit of the rugged coastline. The aquarium is down near the beach, a small metal shed filled with tanks of different varieties of creatures, but an impressive seahorse display, or so I have heard. Actually, I could really care less about the animals. It's really a day to clear my head, to think, to reform my plans without the distraction of the blonde man who has taken over my every thought.

Walking down the hill towards the ocean, I spot the small grey metal shed with the bright sign that says "Bicheno Aquarium." I enter the front door and am greeted by a friendly middle-aged man that gives me the grand tour. There are many colorful seahorses throughout the space with small tanks of sharks, jellyfish and squid. I watch the animals swim and dance while listening to the man talk about aquaculture and raising the sharks outside of their eggs. It's actually quite fascinating and I soak up the information eagerly.

After a couple hours, I exit the small shed and blink in the bright sunlight before I walk down to the beach. Intermixed with the white sand are large, ragged boulders seemingly scattered along the beach before melding with the adjacent cliffs. Trails zigzag through the rocks and continue along the coast for almost a mile. I take my time wandering along the water's edge, taking occasional pictures of the rough ocean waves, remembering the day before and the beautiful bay.

Just like that, my mood turns for the worse.

I had been careful to not think about Jasper for at least a couple hours and now he's back in full force. I have never been so attracted to another man. Even Alistair couldn't compare, which is a good thing, I think. Alistair had disaster written all over him from his first "Hey, luv" and it never stopped. I ignored all the warnings. This, with Jasper, feels different though; I'm thinking differently.

I sit on a large boulder, settling my bag next to me and stare at the blue water under the clear blue sky. Why is it different? I know no more about Jasper than I did Alistair. That's not entirely true, because I knew Alistair was a player. Even that first night, he wasn't alone. Yes, he broke my heart, but I saw the signs and ignored them all, steering myself into disaster.

On the other hand, I'm not sure my heart is completely healed, that I should be thinking about another try. Especially with a man who lives in another country and has a boyfriend.

_Oh, yeah. Well, there's that._

I sigh and tilt my face back to catch a little more of the sun, realizing it is a lot closer to the horizon than I expect. Looking at the time, I notice it's approaching five o'clock. I hurriedly gather my things and stop at the store on the way back to the hostel. I hope I beat Jasper there and I can whip up some dinner for him and me, returning the favor of his chili last night.

I'm putting the last touches on my curry and stirring the rice when I hear Jasper greeting a fellow hostel-mate downstairs. He enters the common area, and with one look at his forlorn face, I know I made the right decision. His lips turn up into his irresistible smile as I show him to the table and start bringing the pots over.

We eat and talk about our days. He tells me about the amazing beaches he saw and I explain the delicate nature of shark eggs.

"Sounds like you had a great day, J. Maybe I'll have to add that bay to my 'must-see' list," I say around a mouthful of curry.

His face darkens minutely before he smiles again. "Yeah, I think you'd like the contrasting colors there between the orange rocks and the blue water. It was amazing."

"Did you take any pictures while you were there?" I ask, curious if he'd share them with me.

"A couple at the beginning, but I got...um, distracted. Then I forgot," he mumbles at the end, staring at his food and pushing it around with his fork.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I didn't mean to offend. I just was hoping to see a couple."

His face brightens considerably and he nods. "Sure, I can send them to you when I get home. I don't have anyway to get them off the camera right now, and the view-finder really doesn't do them justice."

This is the second time he has mentioned us keeping in contact after we part ways. Does he want to stay friends? Am I reading too much into this? If my sister were here, she'd already have smacked me upside the head. Stop thinking, just do.

"Right. We'll just have to swap pictures when we get back home then."

Then I remember something I learned at the aquarium, part of the fame of Bicheno.

"Jasper, I'd like to show you something tonight. Would you join me for a walk after dinner?"

He looks at me curiously, swallowing his bite before answering. "Sure. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, but I think you'll really like it." I really am taking a chance with this, but the aquarium owner had been vehement about them being something not to miss. _Them_ being the fairy penguins that come ashore every night in downtown Bicheno, flooding the beaches and wandering through the streets. He'd advised that there were several good spots to watch for them where they emerge from the water.

We clean up our dishes and it's almost time to leave. I grab a jumper and he does the same, still regarding me curiously. "Seriously, Edward. You're not even going to give me a hint."

"Nope," I say succinctly, knowing that if I continue, I most likely will tell him everything.

"Okay, fine. Be that way. I won't say another word if we can make a deal."

Now it's my turn to be suspicious. What's he playing at? "Um, what's the deal before I agree?"

"I get to surprise you tomorrow. We have to drive back to Hobart, but there's a small detour I really want to make. If you let me take you there, as a surprise, then I won't have any more questions for you tonight."

I watch him as his eyes light up in excitement over his 'detour' tomorrow, knowing I wouldn't deny him anything. I hold out my hand and he grasps it firmly in his own.

"Deal," I agree, trying to keep the yearning that results from his touch alone out of my voice. His fingers linger in mine for a second longer and I wonder if he feels it, too. The tingle, the excitement that spreads from our touch through the rest of my body.

God, I hope so.

I shake my head slightly to clear my thoughts and catch him smirking at me.

"Come on, ya bastard," I say while turning towards the door and sliding on my jumper.

The walk to the beach is short and we both stay silent, enjoying the cool ocean breeze and the quiet stillness of the night. We near the beach and scramble down the path to the ocean.

"Edward, why are we here?"

"Shhh. You'll see soon enough. We have to stay quiet, we don't want to scare them."

"Them who?" he whispers, standing closer to me.

"The penguins."

"The what?" he questions, his voice rising in surprise.

And then we hear them. A small squawk from the water and a small black body waddling across the white sand, illuminated in the moonlight. And then there are more. And more. Hundreds of small black shapes awkwardly walking along the land up the beach and into town.

"Wow," he breathes and I can hear the reverence in his voice.

"I know," I agree, understanding what the big deal is. This is amazing, a once in a lifetime experience.

We take seats on the same boulder that I sat on for part of the afternoon and watch the penguins' journey from above. I can't help but look over to watch Jasper's face, his eyes wide in awe, blonde hair glimmering in the pale light of the moon and all I see is beauty. Beauty I want to touch, but can't. Shouldn't.

My fingers twitch with desire, my body tense with restraint. It's with both relief and disappointment that I remember that tomorrow is our last day together. Tomorrow, his surprise, my last opportunity. Do I take it? Do I let him slip away?

I come back to the moment and find Jasper staring into my eyes, a quiet smile on his lips.

I have my answer.

…

..

.


	13. You

_**A/N:**__ These boys and their story are dedicated to __**theladyingrey42**__. Without her I would be a huge mess most of the time. Hugs and kisses to __**ahizelm**__ who beta-ed this monster and kept me focused._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Bicheno Beach  
**The Music: ** _You_, Collective Soul  
..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

Intently, I watch the penguins below, a miracle of nature. I look up to see Edward's reaction and find him staring at me, piercing green eyes almost glowing in the faint light.

I see my future. I see all things happy and right.

And I see my destruction. I think he feels it, feels the pull between us, the undeniable electricity when we touch.

But what if I am disillusioned? What if all I see are my own desires reflected back, only what I want?

One more day. I must choose.

What right do I have to choose this? What else can I do?

…

..

.


	14. What Would Happen

_**A/N:**__ I love __**theladyingrey42**__, so I wrote her a little somethin', somethin'. And she's nice enough to share it with y'all. Thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for keeping me sane and __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ for keeping Edward's accent. If you don't know the song for this chapter, it's poignant and worth a listen._

_This chapter is being posted early because I also love **Yogagal** and her love for good music and my boys. Nuff said._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Port Arthur, Prison colony  
**The Music:** _What Would Happen_, Meredith Brooks

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

I wake when I hear Jasper's feet hit the floor with a small thump. Bella and Tanya left the day before, so it is just us in the room. I roll over and stretch, watching Jasper rummage through his backpack before grabbing some clothes and walking out the door.

I take a deep breath and sit up slowly. This is it. Our last day together. I release the breath slowly, settling my nerves, wondering if I can do what I'm planning. Will I be strong enough?

Stretching again, I stand and get dressed, slowly repacking my bag and somewhat waiting for Jasper to return. He opens the door a few minutes later, freshly showered and wearing jeans and a tight short-sleeved white t-shirt. He breezes past me to start packing and his scent envelops me, smelling like soap and..._him_. I don't think I have ever noticed another man's scent before unless it was some smoker trying to kiss me, but it has never been a pleasant thing.

I sigh again and Jasper turns.

"What's up, Edward? Dreading today? Worried about the surprise?" He chuckles at me and returns to packing.

In truth, I had forgotten about his deal with me. I hope it doesn't involve climbing another mountain, as I'd rather be able to talk to him today without feeling completely winded. Although, if we go swimming again, it wouldn't be too bad.

He looks back at me over his shoulder expectantly and I realize I hadn't answered him yet.

"Um, no. I'm not worried about that. I'm curious about the surprise, just sort of sad to be leaving Bicheno. I like this little town."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he agrees, looking around our little room appraisingly. "There's so much to do and see and it's all so close. And I always love being near to the ocean."

"I just like the warm and the sun. I'm missing nothing but grey skies and dreariness back home. This is lovely," I continue, hoping we can keep up our friendly banter today. I want to learn as much as I can about him, to store him away for later. This last, hopefully perfect, day.

"It's warm back home, too. And sunny. Just different." He shoves a jumper on the top of his backpack, cinches it closed and stands straight. "Well, that's it for me. Are you ready?"

I close my backpack as well and throw it over my shoulder before nodding. "Yes, sir. Lead the way."

"My pleasure," he quips, grabbing his bag and guitar before leaving the room and heading outside to the car. We load our things into the boot and he rounds the left side of the car. I try to hold back my laughter as he continues back to the right side.

"Damn English cars and driving on the wrong fucking side of the road," he mutters under his breath.

"I can hear you, you know," I say through my chuckles.

"Yeah, I know. Get in," he mutters, climbing into the driver's side.

I join him in the car, still smiling at his cursing until he glares at me. Then I just laugh again.

"For that, I'm not telling you where we're going. I was planning on giving you some clues to help you figure it out. Now, you're just along for the ride." He grins devilishly at me and I repress the sudden urge to grab his face and wipe the smirk off of it. With my tongue.

What is with me today? We had been doing well as friends, learning about each other, talking about everything. And today, I'm just thinking with my dick.

I shake my head minutely, trying to get my head back to the present. He must think I have some sort of tic with how often I do that.

"Doesn't matter where you take me today, Jasper. I'm sure it'll be brilliant. I'm all yours."

"Well, hold on. Here we go."

He backs slowly out of the lot and begins the return drive towards Hobart. He begins telling tales from his childhood, and we one-up each other with childhood scar stories. The drive is relaxed and, as I've found is typical with Jasper, is filled with laughter and easy banter. We talk briefly about his return trip and his plans with his mother, but we don't really touch on his leaving or that this is his last full day here.

After an hour, Jasper starts to peer at the road signs as they approach and turns off the highway at a sign that says "Tasman Peninsula." I look at him curiously and he just stares at the road ahead.

"You teased me, so you just have to wait now. No clues," he states firmly, but I see the corners of his mouth twitching, trying to resist his smile.

"Oh, you've made perfectly clear the results of my actions, sir. There's just somewhat down here that I wanted to see, so I'm being a bit hopeful."

"Really?" he questions, arching a brow at me. "Let's hope you get lucky, then."

Lucky, indeed. My mind, which hasn't been fighting against images of Jasper and I together, suddenly loses the battle and I'm flooded with images from my dreams, from our day at the beach. Of us. Together.

"Edward?" I look up to see Jasper gazing at me with concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I squeak out. _Gah! I'm such a fucking girl._ "It's nothing. I'm...just thinking."

"Oh, okay," he says, but he doesn't look convinced and the light teasing mood is suddenly dampened. I turn away and watch out the window as the rolling hills and dotted with sheep zoom past.

After a couple minutes, Jasper softly says, "Do you mind if I put on some music?"

"No, of course not," I respond, startled out of my reverie.

A woman's sultry voice sings over a backbeat and a simple guitar riff and I'm startled by the lyrics. What would happen, indeed.

I look over at him, his blonde curls waving in the breeze from the open window, wondering if he could possibly understand my feelings more than he's letting on. I'm watching so intently that I don't miss it when his eyes light up. He turns and smiles at me, his broad, blinding smile.

"We're here!" he exclaims, almost bouncing in his seat like a three-year old.

"We're where?" I ask, looking around the parking lot for a clue.

"Port Arthur prison colony," he says, just as a sign comes into view saying the same. "Well, the ruins of it at least."

We park the car near the entrance and he hops out excitedly. I follow soon after and he's practically bouncing on his toes. As soon as I round the car, he heads off toward the entrance.

"Come on, slowpoke!" he calls over his shoulder, walking quickly into the welcome center.

We buy day passes and book trips to see the Isle of the Dead where a majority of the burials were performed over the life of the colony. We start with the museum in the main building, learning about the different prisoners here and their daily lives, before heading out to see the grounds. Following Jasper, I watch as his eyes light up at almost every display and he quickly explains how the prison colonies here were different than those in America. I hadn't even known there were prison colonies in the US, but it doesn't surprise me. England wanted to get rid of their criminals and needed people to colonize the new lands. It's a simple two birds, one stone kind of deal.

After we tour many of the buildings on the grounds, including the old prisoner-built stone church, the haunted post office, the opulent governor's house and the Separate prison, we stop for lunch. The Separate prison really left an impression on me and we talk about what it must have been like then, to lose your identity and your communication with anyone. It's really no surprise the asylum is directly next door.

After lunch, we head to the docks and take the small cruise to the Isle of the Dead. Here we have a guided tour of the island and the inhabitants. Jasper listens with rapt attention to the stories behind the deaths of many of the men, and I watch him. It's amazing to see him in his element, history brought to life. It seems like I'm witnessing some basic, elemental part of his soul, seeing him for who he is implicitly. I wish I could show him the passion of my soul, share this part of myself with him. But that dream involves him visiting England, and with his studies and his life in the States, I know that is a far-fetched dream.

The day is amazing but passes quickly and, before I know it, we're exiting through the gift shop and walking back to the car.

"So, how'd you like the surprise?" he questions once we're settled in the car.

"It was brilliant, just as I hoped! It was on my must-see list, so I'm glad we went there today." I hesitate a moment before adding sincerely, "Especially because I had you as a guide."

He blushes and ducks his head slightly. "Well, I'm glad you liked it." He clears his throat and pulls the maps from the back seat. "Should we drive back to Hobart then? Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

"Definitely. I'd love to. That sounds wonderful," I respond eagerly and I watch his mouth twitch with a suppressed smile. I mentally berate myself for acting like a total spaz before he responds.

"Well, alright then. I'll take that as a yes." He turns around to back the car out of the parking lot and I can see his lips form a wide smile.

"It's just... well. It's your last night and all... we should do something special," I say, trying to justify my eagerness, though I think I'm just making things worse. Luckily, Jasper doesn't seem to notice or takes pity on me. Either way, he agrees and mentions a vegetarian restaurant that we could go to. I try to be less enthusiastic in my assent this time and we start the drive back.

I watch him while he drives, his right arm out the window letting it catch the wind occasionally. I'm going to miss these carefree days, the ease of our conversations, our playing around and sharing music. I sigh and pull my eyes from his beautiful face, looking out my window.

Who am I kidding? I'm going to miss _him_.  
…

..

.


	15. Dreams

_**A/N: **__ This drabble takes place during dinner but don't worry EPOV will back up and you'll get the whole experience. This is just Jasper's mindset. As always, dedicated to __**theladyingrey42**__ and big thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for making this work._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Hobart, Tasmania - Siren's Restaurant

**The Music:** _Dreams_, The Cranberries

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

Dinner is perfect. The wine, the company, _everything_ is perfect.

The whole day's been amazing, sharing history with him, watching him explore his culture in this far-off land.

I'm startled from my thoughts to see Edward's eyes glinting as he laughs.

He takes a sip of wine and his tongue darts out to save the last few drops from his lips.

_God, I want to _taste_ him._

Holding back and not touching him is becoming more difficult with each passing moment, each glance he gives me.

Does he realize the power he has over me? Does he see my walls crumbling for him?

...

..

.


	16. No Way Back

_**A/N:**__ Here it is, their last dinner together. Sigh._

_This is all dedicated to my BFF, __**theladyingrey42.**__ If you like angst, Edward and crazy amazing writing, then you should check out her stories. I highly recommend anything that mentions ink. Big thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for beta-ing and __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ for keeping the bloke in Edward._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Siren's Restaurant and Backpackers, Hobart, Tasmania

**The Music:** _No Way Back_, Foo Fighters

**Terms**: Entree = appetizer; main = entree

**..**

**.**

**

* * *

EPOV**

Jasper and I arrive back at the Hobart hostel and have time to secure a 4-person share room before changing quickly and walking downtown for dinner. I'm excited about this evening, eager to spend these last moments with him.

When Jasper was ready to return to Hobart, I had hoped that we could still spend time together, but I didn't want to push. When he suggested dinner together, I was ecstatic and tried desperately to rein in my enthusiasm for it. I didn't succeed, but I did try.

Our walk is short and soon we're entering the vibrantly colorful restaurant with a distinct Asian feel. We are seated quickly and our waitress brings us water as we peruse the menus. Jasper orders a bottle of red wine and he winks at me as the waitress bustles away to retrieve it.

"We need to celebrate," he says by way of explanation. "It's my last night in Australia and we deserve a little something special."

"I'm not disagreeing with you, honestly," I respond, holding my hands up. "I just wonder if a whole bottle of wine between the two of us is a good idea. I'm a bit of a light weight, you know."

"Really?" His eyebrows raise and then his sexy smirk graces his lips. "Well, then we'll get two bottles."

I'm about to protest, but then I think, why not. Why not enjoy this lovely evening with this beautiful boy who I will never see again? If I make a fool of myself, then at least we'll have had some fun.

The first bottle of wine arrives and we order an entree sampler plate and our mains. As soon as our orders are placed, Jasper raises his glass to me.

"To finding friends in distant lands," he offers.

"To friends," I toast in return. We touch our glasses together and I sip the sweet nectar, allowing the wine to coat my mouth before swallowing the liquid. "Wow, Jasper, what is this?"

He chuckles before taking a second sip himself. "A Malbec, I believe. It's delicious, isn't it?"

I nod and take another lingering taste before setting my glass down and leaning over the low table. I gaze into his eyes and his face suddenly becomes very serious. "So, how have you liked Tasmania?" I ask gravely.

He stares at me for a moment and then breaks into a loud laugh and I chuckle along with him. "Man, I thought you were going to tell me your grandma died or something horrible. That's an easy question."

"Which you still haven't answered," I retort, hoping I can get his honest opinions on his experiences here and if they include me.

"Hobart is nice enough, but I really liked Bicheno. Freycinet was beautiful and the hiking there was amazing. And weren't the penguins spectacular? And the prison colony?" His words come faster and faster as he continues talking about the things he loved about his trip here, and I can't help but notice they were all activities with me.

I can't resist knowing if I had any impact and, still opting for subtlety, try a different question. "What about the Bay of Fires? Not noteworthy?"

"Ahh, it was okay. I think the colors were cool, but really it was just a beach," he answers nonchalantly.

My heart rejoices at his words as my head tells me I'm a foolish prick. He didn't say he liked being with me, but the one time he wasn't he didn't have as much fun. My heart tells my head to just shut the fuck up. And my head decides to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

"Personally, I had a wonderful time in Bicheno and Port Arthur with you. It was all great," my words trail off and I look down at the table, wondering if I've said too much. I glance back up at Jasper and he seems frozen, his wine glass lifted halfway between the table and his mouth. When he notices me looking at him, he continues, taking a small gulp before setting the glass down.

"Me too," he chokes out, coughing lightly into his napkin. He recovers quickly and continues, "I'm really glad you were my car buddy these last few days. Hanging out together was a lot of fun."

I take another swallow of wine, trying to steel my nerves for this last question. The important question. The only one that really matters.

"Jasper, can we exchange contact information before you go? 'Cause I'd really like to keep in touch with you after we're home." I pause, watching his eyes widen and I hastily add, "And, um, I need to send you pictures."

He blinks slowly and opens his mouth to respond, but the waitress glides up to our table with our entree platter at that moment and two plates. After she leaves, I look expectantly at Jasper, dying in slow agony over his answer to my request.

He grabs a couple mushroom caps and a cheese souffle, before turning his attention back to me.

"Yeah, Edward. That's a good idea." He smiles at me and my whole world is lighter. I'm amazed I will be able to keep him in my life somehow, even just as a friend.

We finish our entrees and our mains arrive on time along with another bottle of wine. As we banter over our meal, I become more and more intrigued by the sparkle in his eye, by his long throat exposed as he laughs, by his happy smile, by his witty humor. Every part of him attracts me and it almost feels like electricity, like great magnets pulling us together.

We talk about music and the pros and cons of classical music and country, although I still don't understand the appeal of the latter. We talk about our families and he tells me more about Rosalie while I explain the unexplainable that is my sister, Alice.

Splitting a dessert, we each get a cup of coffee to balance the chocolate decadence before us and by the end we're practically leaning across the table into each other, so close I can almost taste him. Shaken by that thought, I lean back in my chair to sip the remainder of my coffee at a safe distance. By the time we stand, I can tell I've had a little too much to drink. Luckily, the hostel is only a couple blocks away and I think I can probably crawl back if I need to.

We pay the bill and I meet Jasper outside after using the loo. About four steps into the walk, I stumble over a crack and, luckily, he catches my arm, steadying me before continuing.

"You alright there, lightweight?"

"Hey!" I exclaim indignantly, wobbling on my feet. "You can't make fun of me after I warned you. You may just have to carry me back."

"Really? How about this?" he asks before weaving his arm under mine and throwing my arm over his shoulders.

I think my heart stopped beating for a couple seconds before changing into a gallop rhythm, producing this pounding in my ears.

"Um, yeah," I breathe. "That should work."

The entire time we walk, my body is pressed against his and I can almost taste his sweet breath on my lips. The proximity and his warmth are wearing down my resistance and the alcohol really isn't helping matters either. I shiver slightly as he squeezes my side tightly when we walk over a curb, his hand briefly holding mine to steady me. One more touch and I know I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I look over and he's staring straight ahead, his eyes tight.

"Sorry," I slur. "I don't mean to be an ass."

"You're not," he chuckles. "It's not that far anyway."

I stumble again and decide I need to concentrate on where each foot is being placed. Eventually, we make it back to the hostel and Jasper suggests playing video games until I'm a little more sober. I decide staying up and drinking some water can only be a good thing so I agree.

I grab a couple large glasses of water from the kitchen while he sets up the game. I return and hand one to him, which he takes gratefully before downing half the glass.

"I figured you must have had at least a bottle of that wine, too. Water couldn't hurt."

"Nah, thanks Edward."

We sit on the couch playing StreetFighter, much the same as when I first saw him but couldn't unbury myself from my book. I find myself often distracted by his long fingers curving around the game controller and pull my gaze away just in time to see my character being pummeled. Eventually, my buzz begins to fade and, as I visit the loo for the twentieth time, I know I'm sober enough that I'll probably even avoid a hangover in the morning.

I return to find Jasper putting away the controllers and turning off the telly.

"I don't know about you, but I'm suddenly very tired, fairly sober and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Do you mind if we head to bed?"

_Jesus. _ My knees almost give out when unbidden images race through my head at the mention of us together in bed.

I clear my throat and fervently hope I'm not blushing as I respond, "Not at all. If I'm not tired, I can just read my book, but I have a feeling I'm going to pass out as well." I smile at him and he beams back at me.

We leave the common area and head back upstairs to our room to find we don't have any sharemates; the other two beds are unclaimed. I look at my watch and notice it's almost eleven, which means we won't be getting any one else in the room as the front desk closes at ten.

"Looks like we have the room to ourselves," I observe. Jasper glances at his watch and nods before smiling at me.

"I love meeting new people at these hostels, but sometimes it's nice to just have a quiet room. Know what I mean?" He looks at me expectantly and I smile in return, understanding perfectly what he means.

"Yeah, I do. Hostels throughout Europe are much the same and I typically have to get a single once a week or so just for a little peace." I can't imagine that Jasper feels as strongly about his alone time as I do, but it's nice to know that he sometimes needs some solitude, too.

He smiles at me again and we continue making our beds before we each take our turns in the toilets, getting showered and ready for bed. I return only wearing my towel as I forgot my pajama pants and try to stand unobtrusively in the corner to change while Jasper's in the room. I hear him cough softly, but soon I'm dressed and I climb into the bottom bed. I turn on my small wall light and watch in fascination as Jasper removes his shirt, catching that small glimpse of ink on his skin again before he climbs into his bottom bunk. He covers himself quickly with the duvet and turns away from me.

"'Night, Edward. See you in the morning," he mumbles, his voice muffled by the pillow.

I feel a small twinge, this expectation of something grander that won't happen. I take a small breath and answer him, "Goodnight, Jasper. Let me know if the light is bothering you."

He waves his hand at me and I turn back to my book. After a few pages, the words begin to blur and I give up on reading. With a click, I plunge the room into darkness, the only light coming from the pale moonlight filtering through the tall windows. I sigh and roll over, hoping my dreams feature the southerner sleeping not far from me.

Only one more night together.

…

..

.

_**

* * *

A/N:**__ I know, I know, I'm a filthy cockblocker. Trust, bbs. You'll want a little JPOV here._


	17. Broken Things

_**A/N: **__As with everything else, this is dedicated to __**theladyingrey42**__. She's my bestie, and I love her. Thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for the beta-job._

_Oh, and I'd like to double-post but then people don't review the drabble as much and it makes me sad. And I'm a review h00r. There's no other explanation._

_The songs are important. The Ani DiFranco song was inspiration for this entire story (and the turquoise and silver cuff) but the Lucy Kaplansky song just sums it up really._

**

* * *

The Setting**: Hobart backpackers

**The Music:** _Broken Things_, Lucy Kaplansky; _Shy_, Ani DiFranco

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

I lay in bed contemplating my next move.

Fact is, I'm leaving in the morning. And all during dinner, I thought I felt a spark, that flame of attraction blaze brighter.

I had been so certain after he asked about staying in contact that I almost launched myself at him. But then he qualified it and my sails deflated.

What should I do now?

Am I willing to be bold? Am I willing to be rejected?

I glance over at his still form, his skin almost glowing in the moonlight.

I make my decision and I hope I won't have any regrets.

…

..

.

_

* * *

A/N: Next up, EPOV and Jasper's decision._


	18. Everlong

_**A/N: **__ Good morning! And happy Saturday! Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! I have over 200 reviews (which is a LOT for me) and I'm so excited and happy and a little overwhelmed. I 3 you all!  
_

_This chapter, and all the chapters of this story, were written for __**theladyingrey42**__. Love you hard, sweets! Big beta thanks to __**ahizelm**__ and thanks to __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ for the British help._

_***WARNING***__ This is the chapter you don't want to read, __**rmhale**__. For you, this is a night of words of endearment and snuggling. _

_.  
_

**

* * *

The Setting**: Hobart backpackers, Tasmania

**The Music**: _Everlong_, Foo Fighters; _Don't Let Go_, Sarah McLachlan (with Bryan Adams)

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

Turning onto my side facing the wall, I sink slowly into sleep, drifting peacefully in the blackness with a vision of Jasper behind my eyelids, his blonde curls tousled in the wind. It's bittersweet. I know I may not see his face again, but I don't will it away as it has become one of my favorite dreams.

I'm startled from this relaxed state as someone slips in behind me on my slim mattress. An arm curls around my waist and I half turn to see his face inches from mine, his warm breath fanning across my cheeks.

"Jasper?" I question, wondering if I fell into a dream but hoping beyond hope that this is reality.

"I've wanted to kiss you from the first moment I saw you," he whispers, his fingers clutching at my shirt. "Stop me now if you don't want this, because I don't think I can stop myself."

"No, Jasper," I start and he loosens his grasp on me, shifting on the bed. I panic, realizing he took my words as rejection. Turning quickly, I grab him by the shoulder, not allowing him to move away from me. I pull him closer wrapping my arm around the nape of his neck and pressing my mouth against his, memorizing the feel of him and making sure he doesn't mistake my intentions. "No, I want you, too," I mumble against his lips.

His eyes search mine and I hear his quiet exhalation. "Edward, you're the only one I want." His mouth is suddenly pressed against mine, his soft, full lips moving over my jaw, my neck. I move my fingers into the curls on his head and use my grip to pull him back to me, desperate to feel the warmth of his mouth again.

I angle my head and slip my tongue along his lips, tasting him for the first time. He groans and opens his mouth, flicking the tip of his tongue over mine. I'm still half facing away from him and I turn completely onto my other side, pressing my body fully against his. He wraps his arms around my waist and shifts his hips into me slowly, tantalizingly. I can feel his hard length pressing into my thigh and I moan at the sensation.

Our mouths and tongues tangle, slipping against each other sensually. I break away from his lips to nip and suck along his jaw, feeling his stubble against my sensitive skin. I pull his ear lobe into my mouth and his grip tightens around my waist and shoulder.

"Ungh, Edward. I want to savor you," he breathes into my ear before pulling my mouth back to his much the same as I had done moments before. He pushes me gently onto my back, tugging at the hem of my shirt and lifting it slowly, his lips following the fabric. He crawls up my body until he's leaning over me, his elbows on either side of my head, and I catch myself before I run my tongue over his biceps.

He leans closer and I lift my head, capturing his lips with my own, relishing in his taste once more. The kisses are slower now, less frantic, and I can feel the passion and yearning behind them. I know all the careful conversations, innocent touches, and carefree laughs have all led to this moment, to his body pressed into mine and his hands in my hair as I place heated, open-mouth kisses on his shoulder and neck, lightly biting the skin at the junction.

He hisses and lifts his body to kneel over me. He runs his fingers over my chest and abs, pinching and pulling one nipple as I gasp and writhe beneath him. Dipping his head, he bites and nips my chest, teasing one nipple then the other with his lips and teeth. I grab his head as he moves further down, trailing his blond hair along my chest. His fingers tuck into my pajama pants and I lift my hips so he can pull them down. After he tosses them onto the floor, he reverently skims his palm over my cock before looking up at me with a smile.

"You're more beautiful than I imagined."

I smile broadly at that, happier because apparently he's been thinking about me as I have him more than that fact that he called me beautiful. I don't have much time to dwell on that as he flattens his tongue along my length before taking the head into his mouth. I lift my head to watch him, those beautiful lips wrapped around my cock, licking and sucking and feeling like a tiny bit of paradise.

He takes my length all the way back to his throat and I groan obscenities as he swallows around me, his throat muscles constricting. His hand wraps around the base of my shaft, pumping with the rhythm of his mouth. I can feel myself getting closer to the edge, and I don't want to come like this. I want all of him.

"Jasper, slow down, love."

He looks up at me, confused, and I pull him up to me by his arms.

"What's wrong, Edward?" he questions, his brow furrowing as he smoothes his hands over my face.

"Nothing, love. I just didn't want this to end too quickly, and it was about to," I explain, kissing him fiercely, putting all my want and need into it. "And I want you. I want everything."

Jasper's eyes widen with realization. "Everything? Are you sure?"

Internally, I'm screaming, hating his insecurity. If this is the only time we ever touch, I want to remember everything, have every sensation to carry with me forever.

Outwardly, I remain calm. "Yes, I'm sure. Please, Jasper. Make love to me?"

He hesitates for a split second before devouring my mouth with his, his lips more urgent than ever. He stops to lick his hand and I stop him again.

"Um...Jasper, I...yeah," I stammer. _Why can't I just spit this out?_ "So, I have lube... in my bag."

He looks at me curiously and I can feel the blush rising on my cheeks. In his silence, I hurry on to explain before he thinks I'm some kind of man whore. "My sister. I think she may be some kind of boy scout in disguise. Anyhow, she insisted I take some although I didn't see any reason for it. I swear, I didn't plan this."

"It's okay, Edward. I'm not offended. Shocked, but not offended," he says as he moves to get the lube. I notice the rippling muscles of his back and the script across his shoulder blade as he bends to open my bag, and the prominent bulge in the front of his pajamas when he stands up again. He wiggles the bottle at me playfully and some of my anxiety is quelled.

He's okay with this. He wants this. He wants me.

He walks over to me, shedding the last of his clothes on the way, and I gasp at the beauty before me, the white light of the moon reflected over his skin, his eyes twinkling in the semi-dark. And I realize, to have him with me here... it is a gift of the gods. _He_ is a gift.

Jasper climbs back into bed, our naked skin sliding together, our bodies perfectly aligning. I hear the bottle top pop open and then feel his slippery fingers coating my cock and slipping over my balls to my entrance. As he leans into me, kissing me senseless, Jasper's fingers circle lazily before slowly pressing into me and I moan into his mouth. He curls his fingers just so, hitting that amazing spot, sending me soaring with pleasure.

"Oh, Jasper," I moan. "I bloody need you now."

"Fuck, Edward. I've wanted you to say that since I first saw you."

He sits up between my legs and places my calves over his shoulders. I clutch the black metal bars of the headboard as he slips into me, a soft groan slipping from both of our mouths. He slowly presses himself forward until his hips hit my thighs but then he stills completely. I move my legs to wrap around his waist as he leans forward to capture my mouth with his. He pauses for a couple breaths while his heat and his mouth consume me. My cock is trapped between our two writhing bodies and the friction and him filling me are almost enough to bring me to orgasm. But I want him with me; I want to come with him.

"Please. More," I beg between kisses, my voice raspy with want.

I grab his hips, trying to force his movement and he chuckles.

"Just...moment. You just feel...heaven... Don't want to leave," he mumbles, continuing to kiss my neck. Finally, he leans back slightly to stare into my eyes, holding my gaze as he begins to thrust. His achingly slow pace is driving me insane with desire. I can feel the fire building in me.

"God, Jasper...please," I continue to beg, urging him to go faster.

He changes his pace and I can tell we're both getting closer.

"Edward... amazing... fuck."

He shifts his weight to one arm and licks his hand before grasping my cock firmly. He strokes me in time with his thrusts and the fire in my groin begins spreading throughout my body.

"Oh fuck! Jasper!" I scream, feeling the pulsing energy surge through me.

"That's it, Edward," he pants. "I'm right there, baby."

His words send me over the edge and my orgasm rips through me, my muscles cleanching, white lights dancing before my eyes. As if far away, I hear Jasper roar in his release before he pulses inside me, and collapses onto my chest.

For several moments we lie together in a sticky mess, just holding each other tightly as we come down from our mutual highs. He curls into my chest, resting his head on my shoulder. I kiss the top of his head, just reveling in the closeness and connection I feel with him.

After another minute, he finally stirs, lifting himself off of me.

"Stay there," he commands as he stands. "I'll be right back."

I don't move a muscle as he wraps his towel around his waist and heads out the door, returning a minute later with a wet washcloth. He quickly cleans us both before tossing the cloth and towel on the floor and climbing under the duvet with me. We lay on our sides, facing each other, stealing sweet kisses and tenderly touching each others exposed skin.

I can't handle the silence any longer, so I break it. "Jasper, you have no idea how I have longed to be with you. I mean, _really_ be with you."

He shakes his head and kisses my nose. "I do know, Edward. And I'm sorry I didn't do something sooner. We only have a few short hours together before we will be thousands of miles apart." He runs his fingers down the side of my face, his mouth turned into a frown. He cups my cheek tenderly and kisses me with abandon. I can feel the sadness pouring through his kiss and I need to stop this now.

"No sadness, love. We need to enjoy this time we have," I pull him into me, wrapping my arms around him.

"Edward," he whispers, longing deepening his voice. He nuzzles into my neck and sighs before pushing me gently til I'm on my back. After sliding his leg over mine, he snuggles into my side, his cheek on my shoulder. As we hold each other, I feel his breathing slow and even out, sleep claiming him quickly.

I lie awake for what seems like hours, the night's activities swirling in my mind. What does this mean? Are we together? Does he want more?

I look down at him, a sweet smile playing on his lips, even in sleep. I brush my fingers gently through his hair and he snuggles even closer. I'm not sure I can ever get over how beautiful and sweet and smart he is, but do I want to start a relationship, or whatever this is, with someone on the other side of the planet?

Do I want this kind of every day torture in my life? Right now my heart is screaming yes. I would do anything for this man. The coming agony of our separation is still on the horizon and I decide to deal with that when it comes.

I try to pull him even closer, not wanting an inch of space between us. I kiss his hair softly and close my eyes as I breathe him in one last time. With his warm weight surrounding me, I slowly drift off to sleep and I dream of nothing but happiness and bliss.

…

..

.


	19. First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

_**A/N**__: As always, this is all for __**theladyingrey42**__. Love you, sweets. Couldn't do most of what I do without you. Thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for the beta-job._

_And if you've never heard Johnny's version of this, you must find it and listen. Now._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Hobart, Tasmania

**The Music:** _First Time Ever I Saw Your Face_, Johnny Cash

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

Walking away from Edward's sleeping form carves an empty cavern in my chest. My heart is constricting, but don't feel any life pumping through it.

I turn my head away from the perfect vision of his face and shut the door quietly behind me, knowing a little piece of my soul still resides on the other side.

Two things are certain: I want Edward, and although he may not want me after we're an ocean apart, I need change.

Now that I've grown into my wings, I no longer want or need solid ground. My rock has become a burden.

…

..

.

_**

* * *

A/N: **__ HUGS  
_


	20. Stay

_**A/N: **__ I love my best friend and so I wrote her this little story. Cuz she's the best._

_I'd like to send my love and thanks to __**ahizelm**__ who is amazing and read through all of this for me. And to __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ who helped keep all my Brits British. No offense meant by the term _"_Yank_"_, just slang for American in this case. :) _

_OK, kids. Deep breaths. You can do this._

**

* * *

The Setting:** Hobart, Tasmania

**The Music:** _Stay_, Lisa Loeb

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

Throughout the night I drift slowly in and out of sleep, waking often to soft curls brushing against my skin, Jasper's warm scent filling my lungs. I squeeze him tighter, pulling his back against me and eliciting small grumbles and sighs before drifting off again.

When I finally wake fully, I feel a warmth across my chest from a sliver of sunlight slipping past the edge of the window shade. Panicking, I reach, and it is with a clenching in my chest and an emptiness in my bed that I realize Jasper left.

He is gone.

At once, I am incredibly lonely and then incredibly angry. He didn't even say goodbye, just slipped away into the early morning without a single word. After the night we had, I would have thought he would have left..._something_.

Did he not feel our connection? Was it not the same for him?

_Argh! Why do I do this to myself? Fall for men who aren't available? Jasper is almost the pinnacle of unavailable, thousands of miles away_ _with a boyfriend._

_Why am I such a fool?_

I slam my palms onto the bed, causing a satisfying noise, but it doesn't take the edge off the pain in my heart. A fluttering at the edge of my vision catches my eye, and I turn to see a piece of paper twirling toward the ground. I grasp it and notice writing. I hold my breath as I flip it over, daring to hope.

Jasper's handwriting is small and cramped and I smile at how much he crammed into that tiny scrap. I squint at the paper, realizing I need better light to make out his chicken-scratch and turn on the small side lamp. I sit up straighter, take another deep breath and read.

_Edward,  
This is not how or what I planned.__  
I'm sorry I didn't say a proper goodbye.__  
Forgive me. Write to me.  
~Jasper  
jwhitlock (at) madeupmail . com _

I read his words over and over until they are burned into my memory. I hold the note to my lips, kissing the words, hoping that the first line is not one of regret.

I flop back onto the bed, covering my eyes with my arm. I came here to Australia, the other side of the world, to get away from this type of heartache, to have some free time to myself, for myself. And here I've gone and messed up my holiday and my free time.

But,_ I_ don't regret a second of it. What I regret is our separation, the distance between Jasper and me. I regret waiting to touch him. I regret having to return to my lonely life knowing that he exists in the world, just not in my part of it.

I look again at his note, and finally notice that he wrote his name as 'Jasper'.

For _me_.

Glancing at my watch, I decide it's not too late. I need help. I need someone I trust to weigh in on this one because I definitely don't trust myself.

I need Alice.

In a rush, I get dressed grab my headset and run downstairs to the common computers. Logging on, I can't hardly hold back my enthusiasm that Alice is online. I ping her on Skype and plug in the microphone and soon her perky voice is ringing in my ear.

"Why, hello brother dear! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Oh, stuff it, Alice. I'm just calling to say hello." The sound of her happiness makes me not want to bother her with my problems. I can deal with this on my own. "Can't I just check in on my favorite sister?"

She suddenly becomes serious, all the perkiness gone from her voice. "While you're on the holiday of your life? I think not! What's wrong?" she asks, her typical intuition kicking in.

"Why does something have to be wrong?" I try to divert her, but it's to no avail.

"Well, first of all you're deflecting all my questions with questions. And second... Wait! Is this about a boy?"

_Jesus._ How does she _do_ that? If I'm going to be honest with myself, it's why I called her. Because she just _knows_.

"Yes," I respond finally, almost hearing her impatient toe tapping across the line.

"About a boy that matters?" she emphasizes.

"Yes," I answer reluctantly, sighing deeply.

"And why aren't you with said boy?"

At this question, I turn my head up to the ceiling, willing my chest to not explode, willing the sting in my eyes to dissipate. I finally choke out two words. "He left."

"He _left _you?" she asks incredulously.

"No, he left the country. Returned to the US, actually," I reply morosely, struggling harder to keep the sadness at bay.

I can almost see her ears perk up. "Ooh! A Yank! Interesting." When I don't respond, she continues a little more hesitantly. "So, why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be calling him?"

"No. Yes. Oh, bloody hell. I don't know," I finish despondently. And that's the crux of it really. I just don't know what to do. And she picks up on that immediately.

"Okay, Edward. Spill it," she demands.

And so I do. I tell her about the amazing conversations, his wit, his taste in music, his devotion to family, his eloquence, and how much I love just bullshitting with him. And then I tell her about his body, how his lips could keep me burning for days, how his eyes could see into my soul and how his fingers knew exactly where I needed to be touched.

"Last night was perhaps the most perfect moment in my entire life," I conclude with a sigh. There's silence on the other line.

"And you let him just _walk away_?" I have to pull the headphones away from my ears as her voice reaches a new octave.

"There was no 'letting', Ali. He couldn't stay. He had to go home," I admit despondently. _Seriously, what else was I supposed to do last night but let him go? _

"But he left you his email?"

"Yes, but..." I start, but she quickly cuts me off.

"No 'but's. You should email him. You'll regret this if you don't."

And don't I already have too many regrets regarding him? "Alright, but I'll let him settle in first."

"Good." Her voice immediately brightens, effectively distracting me from my woes. "Now what are you going to do _today_?"

…

..

.


	21. In My Life

_**A****/N:** This chapter and this whole story were written for my lovely** theladyingrey42**. **Ahizelm** did the awesome beta-job. Thanks to **LyricalKris** for the BNL song, it's perfect for this chapter. And I may have gotten a little rec on **Twislash Unveiled** today. Geez, it's hard to type when I'm dancing around the room…_

_A really big thank you to everyone who's reading this and pimping this and just making it a wonderful experience for me. :) Hugs for you all._

_Now I'll stop rambling so you can get to the good stuff… For **coolbreeze**, Jasper for more than 100 words._

**

* * *

The Setting: **Over the Pacific then Texas

**The Music**: _Call and Answer_, Barenaked Ladies; _In My Life_, the Beatles

**..**

**.**

**

* * *

JPOV**

If walking out the door seemed like torture to me, then it comes nowhere near the flight home. Every mile between Edward and me seems like another twist of the screw, another needle piercing my heart. The pain is indescribable. I have never felt this way before - not when leaving my family. Not when leaving Peter.

Peter.

What am I going to tell him?

I can't pretend nothing happened to me in Australia. I've changed. Edward changed me and I can never go back.

I no longer want the same things as Peter. I wonder if I ever did.

I try to sit back and relax in the cramped quarters, passing the many hours half-watching movies, half-dozing, mostly letting my mind race and never fully relaxing.

When I finally arrive in Houston, I stumble up the ramp and make my way toward baggage claim in a slight daze. Rose is waiting there by the carousel with wide arms and an infectious smile.

"Well, if it isn't the prodigal son, returned to the fold!" she greets me before squeezing me for all I'm worth.

I laugh and pick her up to swing her around. "It's good to see you too, Rosie."

When I set her down she takes one look at me and grabs my face between her hands. "What the hell, J? You look like death warmed over. And I don't mean that in a good way."

"Thanks..." I sigh and try not to let her candor get to me, but I know I must look like shit. I half-smile at her but she's still holding my cheeks, so it doesn't come out right. "I just need a nap and a shower and I'll be good as new," I offer.

She eyes me skeptically, but finally lets go and grabs my small backpack while I shoulder the larger one and my guitar. And, although she keeps giving me sideways glances, she talks non-stop about all I've missed in the last 3 weeks for the whole of the drive home.

"I'm so glad you came home first before going back to school, J." She smiles at me and then looks back through the windshield. "There's someone I want you to meet," she continues quickly, spitting out the words as fast as possible.

Uh oh. Not another Rosalie set up. She never thought Peter was good enough for me and would sneak in these boys for me to meet, often pretending they were her friends or boyfriends. She was just helping me "keep my options open" as she so delicately put it.

"I don't know, Rosie."

"No, no. He's not for you, I promise. He's mine. _All_ mine." She blushes and I sit up a little straighter in my seat. Rose _never_ blushes.

"Well, when you put it like that, how can I resist? I definitely want to meet the man that causes my Rosie to blush like a school-girl!"

This earns me a smack on the shoulder, but she's smiling and I can't help but smile back.

"So, how long are you staying this time?" she asks, innocently enough.

And just as quickly my happy bubble bursts.

Because when I leave, I'll have to tell Peter and that is one conversation I don't want to have no matter how necessary it is.

"Why the sudden change in moods? Aren't you going to see Peter?"

"Yeah," I mumble morosely, unable to keep my spirits high.

"Um...am I missing something?" she asks, concern slipping into her voice. "Didn't you always tell me he was your everything? Your forever?"

"Yeah, I did say that. But then..." I trail off, remembering the first time I saw Edward's eyes from across the room. Then she smacks me on the shoulder again.

"You little devil! You met someone!"

"Maybe," I hedge, but she looks so smug, smiling at me knowingly.

"I knew it! I knew something was different," she continues, nodding to herself. Suddenly her face falls and I watch as her brain catches up to the implications. "So, what are you doing with Peter then?"

"I don't know, Rosie. I mean, I haven't seen him in almost a month. I mean, I'd hate to do this..."

"No, J," she interrupts me. "There's no way you're putting this off. You need to use the pair you've got and break it off. Like _now_. It's going to suck, but you need to do it before you get wrapped back up in everything you had here."

I know she's right. I feel it in my bones and my head that she's right. My heart is still breaking, being torn in every possible direction. But there's still a large part that's just missing, and is still back in that hostel in Tasmania.

"Damn," I curse under my breath.

"Yeah." She drives in silence for a while, the only sound the pavement under the tires. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Bite the bullet, I guess," I concede. "I'm seeing him on Wednesday, promised him I'd drive over."

She reaches over and squeezes my hand. "It's for the best, you know."

"I know. But it doesn't make it any easier." She squeezes again and keeps her hand in mine for the rest of the drive.

Soon enough, we're pulling into the driveway in front of Momma's little white ranch-style house. Before I can even unbuckle, she's running down the porch steps and racing over to the car, her blonde hair flowing behind her.

"My boy is back!" she yells, while I open the door so she can fling herself into my arms. "I'm so glad you're home, baby. Let me look at you." She backs up and gives me the once over and I smile under her scrutiny. "My my. The outback sure agreed with you."

"I know, right?" Rose chimes in and I give her a bit of the stink eye. She smirks at me and hefts my bag over her shoulder.

"Hey! No, I've got that!" I try, but Rosie shushes me as Momma holds my arm.

"Already done, big brother." As she starts toward the house, I run in front of them and get the door.

Once inside, exhaustion pulls me like a lead weight. Momma insists I shower and take a nap and that she'll have dinner ready when I wake. I agree through my yawning and clean myself quickly before burrowing under the covers in my childhood bed. My last thoughts are of softness and down before I plunge into a dreamless sleep.

~~0~~

The rest of my time at home is wonderful. I finally meet Rose's boyfriend, Emmett, who is an easy-going, loud guy but seems to just _get_ her. He doesn't put up with her bullshit and seems to be a perfect gentleman as well. I don't much care if I really like the guy, although I do in this case, as long as he treats my sister right.

And, from the look on Rose's face when he's around, I would say he's pulling that off.

Beyond that lively encounter, I spend the days enjoying Momma's cooking, relaxing on the porch with my guitar and just reveling in quiet time spent with my family. Rose often drops suggestive hints about my time in Australia and finishing my relationship with Peter, but luckily my mother doesn't catch on.

The entire time, I continuously check my email hoping for a small note from Edward. But there's nothing. My heart falls each time I open my browser to no new messages, but I try to keep an open mind. He may be traveling in the outback where internet service is harder to find. Or maybe he's just taking a break from technology for a while.

Or maybe he just doesn't want me.

By Tuesday morning, I am beyond frustrated with the whole situation, but I can no longer resist calling Peter. He answers on the first ring and enthusiastically welcomes me back. I cut him off, refusing to deal with the conflicting emotions wrestling in my head and heart. I make plans to see him the following night and quickly end the conversation.

I feel anxious and keyed-up after my talk with Peter, no matter how brief, and decide to play my guitar outside on the porch swing and just try to relax. Soon, Momma joins me, humming along with the music and watching the sun through the trees.

"You know, my boy," she interrupts my musings. "Keeping things inside never did anyone any good."

I smile because Momma always did know what was going on with us kids. She may have made mistakes in her youth, but she has never wavered in her love and devotion to us.

"Yes, Momma."

"Come on. Tell me what's wrong. I'm old and wise and I'm sure I can help."

I chuckle and lean over to kiss her cheek. "You are not old, Momma, but you may be able to help." I sigh and set my guitar to the side, leaning against the house.

"It's about Peter isn't it?" she asks softly.

"Yes," I answer quietly, not even questioning how she knows.

"You need to end things with that boy," she continues and she looks determinedly into my eyes.

"Wha-," I start, flustered by her blunt statement.

"He's holding you back, J. When I first saw you on Saturday, you looked like the man I once new, free and proud. And the longer you are with Peter, the more controlled you become, like he's holding you back. And that's not good for you, baby. It's not good for either of you."

I close my eyes and lean back in the swing, letting her words wash over me. Isn't that the same conclusion I had already come to? Why am I doubting myself?

I sigh because I _know_ the reason.

Because I haven't heard from Edward. Because I have doubts about where I'm going. I open my eyes and my mother nods before leaning over and kissing my brow.

"This is the right thing to do, J."

~~0~~

It's Wednesday evening and I'm sitting beside Peter in a small coffee shop near his university. There are black and white photographs scattered on the walls, and I'm reminded of another cafe in another time with another man.

I know I have let Peter steer the conversation so far, but I am steeling myself for what I came here to say. As if he knows what's coming Peter casually reaches for my hands, grabbing them both and rubbing his thumbs along my knuckles.

I take a deep breath and plunge in. "Peter, we need to talk."

"That's never a good start," he laughs, taking back one of his hands to rub the back of his neck. He looks up at my face and abruptly stops laughing. "I knew it," he seethes, his mood instantly changing. "I knew I should have never let you go."

"It's not like that," I insist, trying to salvage our friendship, at least. "We've grown apart. We want different things. We're going in different directions." _God, I even sound lame to myself. I think I just said every cliche breakup line ever used._

"But I've been there for you through _everything_. No one knows you like I do," he half-whines, looking desperately into my eyes.

My mind flashes to Edward and I know that's not true anymore. I pull my hand from his and lean back, trying to put some distance between us.

"You _used_ to know me, but you want me to fit into this idea you have of me," I state firmly, realizing the truth of my words as well as the extent of Peter's control over me as I say them. "When was the last time I sang? Played my guitar?"

"But you didn't want to anymore," he replies with a small voice and I can almost hear the defeat in his voice.

"No, Peter. _You _didn't want me to," I explain, feeling even more like an idiot for putting myself in this situation. "And that was okay for a while, but not any longer."

"I can change, J. I need you," he begs, grasping for my hands, my face.

I cringe as I hear my father saying the same words to my mother time and time again. I know Peter didn't mean them that way, but I wonder if I may be preventing myself a similar fate. "No, you don't. You need someone to need you, and I don't anymore. I can stand on my own."

I rise, wanting to put some space between myself and Peter.

"No, J. Don't leave me. Not like this." His eyes are wide in disbelief and I need to get out of here before I cave. His sweet words always seem to turn sour and listening to them will only make things worse for both of us.

"Peter, I can't be with you. I still want to be friends, but I'll understand if you don't want to." I turn and start to walk out of the coffee shop before his angry words catch up to me.

"Fine, J. You just walk out of here," he yells as I continue walking, never turning back. "I never needed you anyway. You were just a cheap-" His words are cut off as the door closes behind me and I take a shuddering breath of fresh air. I have a moment of clarity, and an overwhelming need to drive back to Austin. There's nothing holding me here any longer, and I just want to be home for the brief time I have left before I move to New York.

I make it into my car before I break down, feeling completely and utterly alone. I pound on the steering wheel with my fist and let the hurt and sadness and anger pulse through me. And I realize, as I compose myself and begin the long drive back to Austin, that it's not because I walked away from Peter. The one person I want and need to talk to, to so desperately share this with, is only a wish and a hope in my life.

Edward has still not contacted me. And I fear it's all my fault. The guilt of leaving him with a small scrap of paper and my meager words is eating at me every minute since I walked away from him. We should have talked. We should have had more time together. I should have kissed him goodbye. I probably wouldn't email me either with all that was left unsaid and undone.

I sigh and try to keep my focus on the road in front of me, although my mind is constantly wandering, contemplating where the next step in my life will take me.

What do I do now when my rock is gone and my wings are so far away?

…

..

.


	22. Better Together

_**A/N:**__ I finished this large part of my studying tonight, so you all get a treat. More Jasper! Just when you think you've figured out the pattern…_

_Dedicated to my lovely task-mistress and the reason for me writing this, __**theladyingrey42.**__ Thanks to __**ahizelm**__ for putting up with my crazy and helping me with beat-ing._

**

* * *

The Setting**: Ithaca, NY

**The Music**: _Better Together_, Jack Johnson

**..**

**.**

**

* * *

JPOV**

At first, I'm wrapped up in all the planning. Moving halfway across the US is a big step, but I'm excited to start at Cornell.

Only now I don't have the supportive boyfriend at my side. Rose and Emmett are great, driving me and my shit to Ithaca, but when they leave, I'm filled with emptiness again.

I stand at my window, gazing at the grey sky and light snowfall, questioning all my decisions.

I know he's back in England. Is his internship busy? Is he taking time to read, play the piano?

Does he think about me?

_Fuck._

Will he write?

…

..

.


	23. Again

_**A/N: **__ As always, all my love to __**theladyingrey42**__. Without her, this wouldn't be a story. Thanks to __**ahizelm,**__ my beta-master, for keeping me in line and to __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__ for helping with the Brit-speak and the London help. _

_Thank you all for your lovely comments and reviews. They make my day even if you are all a bit frustrated with the boys. But now we're back to Edward. _

**

* * *

The Setting**: Tasmania, Sydney and Cairns, Australia; London, England  
**The Music**: _Again_, Lenny Kravitz

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

My conversation with Alice doesn't help me much, but I resolve to enjoy my holiday. It's the least I can do before I have to return to London and my medical internship. I have traveled by myself many times before after all; this should be easy.

I do allow myself to check on Jasper and make sure his plane landed in the US safely. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see his flight arrived.

Then, I push him to the back of my mind and decide I am going to have fun. In truth, I stay busy, doing all the activities I should, smiling at all the appropriate places, and constantly thinking about him.

I take the bus tour to Cradle Mountain and watch the sunrise over the peak. I climb the trails, I marvel at the view as I sit on the roof of the world and yet something is missing.

I return to Sydney and wander the streets, visit the beaches, spend a day at Taronga Zoo, enjoy a musical in the Opera House, climb the Harbor Bridge. But I still feel this pang in my chest every time I turn to remark upon something and no one is there.

I fly to Cairns, snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef, take a cable car over the jungle, visit the oldest rainforest in the world and still he haunts me.

For the remainder of my holiday, I keep in almost constant contact with Alice. She continues to encourage me to email Jasper, but I always find an excuse to put it off another day, another week. Each time, I come a little closer to doing it, to giving in. But, for a million reasons, I don't. He's already returned to his life, his home, his family...

His boyfriend.

I want to believe that his words that last night are the truth, that he wants me, only me. But he never said what would happen when he went home... to Peter... the one that's been there for him, and can still be there for him while I am miles and miles away.

Soon, after days packed with activities and nights packed with restlessness and worry, it's my turn to fly home. After boarding the plane in Sydney, I give one last look to this foreign land that changed everything for me, and then I close my eyes and thankfully drift into nothingness.

~~0~~

Arriving in Heathrow is insane, as always.

My sister is there to greet me and talks a million miles an hour, as always, although the chiding about Jasper is slightly new.

She drives us to my parents' house and my family gathers for a large Sunday dinner, as always.

After dinner, it's like nothing changed. Gathering in the sitting room, I talk about my trip and share the pictures, careful to skip the ones of Jasper, the ones that cause my chest to clench. My mum remarks on how few pictures there are from Tasmania compared to the rest of the trip and I seem to blow her off easily. Alice, on the other hand, is not as convinced and her eyes narrow at me as I explain.

Once our parents have gone to bed, Alice steals into my room and crawls in next to me on the bed. She pinches my arm causing me to jump.

"Ow, Alice! What the hell?" I complain, rubbing the spot with my hand.

"That's for lying to Mum."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I hedge, although I know this may earn me another pinch.

"Edward, you aren't fooling me," she says, looking up at me, her eyes grim with disappointment. "You haven't emailed him yet have you?"

I don't answer but stare at the ceiling avoiding her penetrating gaze.

"I know you, dear brother. You are so wrapped up in your head you can't think straight. Why haven't you contacted him if he means so much to you?"

"Exactly! That's why! He means so much to me after only _three days_! I jumped in with both feet which has always worked so well for me," I continue sarcastically. "This is how I get myself hurt every time. I read too much into things, invent feelings where there are none. I mean, how could he possibly feel the same?"

"Oh, Edward, how could he not? You are a super guy, and easy to get along with when you're not, you know, a downer. He said he wanted you. Why are you doubting that now?"

"Because there's no way this will work out," I lament, wishing she would just understand the reality of my situation. "We both have commitments on different continents. Long distance is one thing in an established relationship, but with someone new? Impossible."

"Nothing's impossible," she says fiercely, holding my gaze. "It's only impossible if _you_ never give it a chance. And that's _exactly_ what you're doing." She hops off the bed and turns, smiling at me before leaning in and kissing my cheek. "You know I'm right, brother dear," she says gently before twirling out the door and closing my door behind her.

And, oddly, I _do_ know she's right. I'm just not sure I'm there yet. Without looking into his eyes, feeling his lips against my skin, holding his body in my arms, it's easy to forget why I should email him. For my aching heart, it's almost easier to imagine there wasn't any connection there in the first place.

~~0~~

The next few days I spend visiting with friends and my parents and preparing to start my rotating internship. This year will be intense, full of long hours and sleepless nights, but I know what I'm getting myself into. As an intern at one of the premier hospitals in London, I will see almost everything imaginable in my year there. If all goes as planned, I will continue as a surgical resident there as well.

In addition to my new job, I'm also moving into a new flat with my good friend, Maggie, and she emailed me a long list of things I need to purchase. Luckily, Alice helps me with the decorating and all is set days before my start date.

Weeks have passed since my return from Australia, almost a month and a half since I last saw Jasper. And yet, he still consumes me. I can go hours without thinking of him, but then I hear a song, read an article, see a picture and my mind flashes to images of him.

At Alice's insistence, I am organizing my photographs from Tasmania, trying to put them in an album before I get wrapped up in my job and completely forget. I stumble upon the folder with pictures of him, and debate about opening it, but my fingers have a mind of their own and click anyway. And there he is... happy, laughing, glorious.

My hand reaches up to the computer screen as if to brush the hair from his face, just to touch him again. It's just too much and I fumble in my wallet, pulling out the small piece of paper with his handwriting. The ink is slightly smudged and there are well-worn creases in the paper from my compulsive unfolding and refolding. It doesn't really matter as I have it memorized, but I just can't let go.

And, that's the whole problem. I can't let go.

Well, I did promise to send him the pictures and I've nearly organized this album. I think that this may be a safe point of contact, not putting too much of myself on the line.

Having made up my mind, I hurriedly add the remaining pictures, including the ones of Jasper, and compose an email.

**To: jwhitlock (at) madeupmail . com**  
**From: ecullen (at) ukmail . uk**

**_Jasper,_**  
**_Hope this finds you well._**  
_**The link below is for the Tasmania photographs. **  
_

I pause, not knowing what to write next, but not wanting to say the wrong thing. Too much and I risk everything. Too little and I don't risk enough.

_**I had a really wonderful time with you. Please write when you can.**_

Is that enough? Will he understand that when I write 'wonderful' I mean 'fucking time of my life'? And how to sign off? Sincerely? Kind Regards? Yours? _Oh, fuck it._

_**- Edward**_

I shake my head and decide I can't spend too much time on this or I won't send it at all. I quickly add the link to the pictures and press send.

Releasing the breath I've been holding, I bury my hands in my hair.

There. It's done. Now I only have to wait.

…

..

.


	24. Talk

_**A/N:** You all know what I'm going to say... It's all for **TLIG**. And **ahizelm** is wonderful and amazing. I'm posting earlier than I planned because studying is going well and this is how I celebrate. So enjoy! (Plus I broke 300 reviews! *dances*) Also for OnTheTurningAway, coolbreeze and_ _ECis4ME c__uz they send me twitter love.  
_

_I know most of you were thinking 'finally!' about Edward writing. Well, I know you were wondering so here it is, Jasper's reaction._

**

* * *

The Setting**: Ithaca, NY

**The Music:** _Talk_, Coldplay

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

When I saw his name in my inbox, my stupid heart skipped several beats. But his words, just so... _friendly,_ so not what I was expecting.

But what _was_ I expecting? Declarations of his love? Promises of forever?

We knew each other for a few days, one night of bliss. And although I knew that things would be different when I got home, I didn't think it would be like this.

_God_, how I need him, but I won't push. I tell him about my new life. My life alone. I hope he understands.

I hope he knows he's the only one.

I hope.

…

.


	25. Chain

_**A/N:** I love **TLIG.**..sigh. Also infinitely grateful to **ahizelm** for the beta-job and to **Miss-Beckie-Louise** for the British. Thank you to my reviewers, too. I love reading your reactions and your frustrations. You make me want to post more often and maybe actually write some more. :)_

_The song is awesome for this chapter (thanks TLIG) and if you don't know it, you should check it out._

_Happy Labor Day to all the Americans out there. I'm kinda missing BBQs, potato salad and Doritos today. Not necessarily in that order.  
_

_And now, poor Edward... How is he going to make this up to Jasper?_

**

* * *

The Setting: ** London, England

**The Music:** _Chain,_ Ingrid Michaelson

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

As soon as I push the send button, I wish to take it back. To tell him everything, to make promises, to ask questions.

Instead, I hang my head and run my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends viciously. I groan and close my eyes, coming just short of actually banging my head on the desk in defeat.

_God, I am such a tool._

How can he possibly know that he consumes my every thought in the few words I sent him? Granted, that information may be too much at this time, but I really gave him nothing. _Yeah, I am smooth. Watch me woo your heart._

Impulsively, I click the refresh button repeatedly, trying to wait at least ten seconds between clicks. Realistically, I don't know what I'm expecting him to do, but it's definitely not for him to respond within minutes. He should just send me the link for his pictures and tell me to fuck off and have a good life. _How did I fuck this up already?_

As I'm wallowing deeper into my self-loathing, Alice's icon pops up in my Skype. I consider ignoring her, but then she'll know something's up. I push 'connect' and then she's there, her smiling face falling into a frown when I don't say anything.

"Edward? Hello?"

"I'm here, Alice," I answer reluctantly.

"Oh, Lord. What did you do now?" Her tone is equal parts exasperated and caring.

I pause from clicking the refresh button on my email to look up at her. I'm not sure I want to answer the question, but I know there's no getting away from her.

"I sent him an email."

"And?"

"I may have implied that I was just emailing him to send him the pictures."

"Oh, Edward."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, being obsessive won't help anyone. Just give him some time, he's moving, starting his studies. If he doesn't get back to you in a few days, then send another. But this time, be honest and not a social retard."

"Yeah, yeah."

Alice's advice is sound, and I understand giving him time, but I still check my email repeatedly every hour in anticipation of his response.

And fear of his rejection.

In a way, I am lucky that my internship is starting at the beginning of next week and therefore, I'm consumed with finishing all the details like organizing my study space and getting my paperwork into the hospital. Maggie has also arrived and makes it her mission to be entirely distracting, although with limited success.

After three days of ineffectively trying to keep myself busy, I wake up determined to change things. I roll out of bed and, as is my habit of late, I open my laptop and log onto my email immediately.

And there it is.

A response.

My shaking fingers hover over the touch pad, not wanting to wait but fearing what it might say. I consider calling Alice, but dismiss it because I'm sure she'll just make fun of me and call me names.

Not that I don't deserve it.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and click on the email.

**_Hey Edward,_**

**_Thank you for the pictures, but I must say I am a bit surprised at your email. I guess maybe I shouldn't have, but I expected more._**

**_I've moved to Ithaca and will start my graduate classes this Monday. It's difficult living on my own and being so far away from my family, but I'm adjusting. Plus, it's just fucking cold here._**

**_The most important information for you, I think, is that Peter and I are no longer together. I broke it off with him. _**

**_I would really like to talk to you if you want to, and my Skype name is jwhitlock. Please Edward, don't shut me out._**

**_Yours, _**

**_Jasper_**

I gape at the words on the screen in front of me. I am such an ass. I'm sure he's hurt and confused and, if I'm honest with myself, he has every right to be. But he seems to be giving me another chance; he's trying once more for me.

_I'm sorry, Jasper, I'm a coward and an idiot._

I should reply. No, I should call. _Damn it!_ It's like three in the morning there.

Okay, I need to settle the fuck down. I take a few deep breaths and start making a plan. I set my cell phone alarm for 2pm, 9am Ithaca time and will see if he's online then.

But I don't want to rush into this. Yes, he's single, and although my heart is doing a small dance because of this, there's still this rather large hurdle that we can't easily jump over. We still live on opposite sides of an ocean. An _ocean_.

The rest of the morning and afternoon crawl by, and I glance at my watch every five minutes. Maggie makes lunch and I just pick at it, constantly watching the second hand go around the clock in the kitchen.

"Why are you so focused on the time?" she teases, but scrunches her eyebrows in that cute way she does when she's concerned.

"I need to make a phone call around two," I say which is almost entirely true, except for the most important part, which I've left out.

"Must be an important phone call," she muses, leaning over the table and taking a large bite of her sandwich.

"Yeah," I answer although I think that may be the understatement of the year. This could be _the_ phone call. My one chance to make it up to him, let him know that I want, at least, to be friends. I need him in my life in some capacity, and if that means internet friends, Skype buddies, then that is fine by me.

If we can somehow work out something more? Well, we'll come to that when we come to that.

"Edward?" she says hesitantly, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to go shopping with me this afternoon." She cocks her head to the side, probably trying to tell if I'm mentally stable.

"Yeah, um, that should work."

"Plus, it's two. If you need to go, I can clean up." She gestures at the plates and glasses on the table and I glance up at the clock, noticing she is spot on just as my alarm rings in my pocket.

"Really? Fuck!" I stand quickly, toppling my chair, knocking over my glass of water and generally making a mess. As I'm apologizing to Maggie and trying to sop up the mess, I see her shoulders shaking. She suddenly throws her head back and laughs loud and long, eventually wiping tears from her eyes while I look on unamused.

"For Christ's sake, Edward. Just go call the bloke already," she says through her giggles. I just stare at her a little stunned, but she just pushes me in the direction of my room. "_Go_, I got this."

I stumble out of the room, the chair leg catching my trousers on the way, but soon find myself sitting at my desk with my open computer, staring at the screen. I have logged into Skype. I have entered his ID. I just need to invite him and then we can chat.

But, once again, I am frozen.

What will I say to him? What can we talk about? My thoughts are racing with all the things that will go wrong, all the ways I can fuck this up even more.

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts, and then I remember all the time I spent with Jasper driving down the Tazzy motorway and hiking over the mountains. We always just _talked_. And it was easy and there's no reason it can't still be like that.

My heart is still beating frantically in my chest, but my breathing slows and my palms stop sweating. I push the invitation button.

And he accepts quickly.

A box pops up in front of me accompanied by the familiar tone. He's calling me. Shit! He's calling me!

What do I say? What do I do?

I fumble with my headset and hit the 'accept' button before I can think too much.

"H-hello?" I shake my head quickly, trying to dispel my nerves and hopefully some of my idiocy.

"Hey, Edward." The smooth tones of Jasper's voice echo in my ears and, just like that, all my anxiety melts away. I ignore the pang of want that shoots through my body.

"How are you, Jasper?" I start, hoping that he can forgive me for my stupidity, but needing to start off slow.

"I'm good, actually." I hear him release a long breath. "It's really good to hear your voice," he continues quietly.

"Yeah," I answer distractedly, taking a moment to organize my thoughts. I know I just need to plunge in, rip the bandaid off. "Listen, I'm sorry about tha-" I start, but he quickly cuts me off.

"No, Edward. There's no need to apologize. We never talked, we never made any promises or explanations. We both should have done more. Let's just start over. What do you say?" There's an uncomfortable silence in which I know I should respond, but his diplomacy has stolen all my words. I thought I would be begging for his forgiveness, but he seems to be willing to sweep it under the rug. "Edward?"

"Yes!" I say quickly, realizing I had been silent too long. "I mean, I think that sounds like a splendid idea. Kind of a do-over."

"Yeah," comes his quiet reply.

"So..." I lead, not knowing where to start.

"So, how are things with you? Starting your internship soon?" he starts and we're soon sharing stories about our new flats and our upcoming new jobs. He tells me about his sister's new boyfriend and I tell him stories about my mates taking me to the pubs when I got home.

We continue talking until I hear a soft tapping at my door before Maggie peeks her head around the corner. As soon as she sees me, her eyes widen and she quietly apologizes.

"No, it's okay, Mags. Hold on a sec." I return my attention to Jasper and decide I do need to get shopping done this afternoon before Monday arrives and I'm unprepared. We end the conversation with plans to talk again over the weekend before Monday and when I push "Disconnect" I can't hide my smile from Maggie.

"Well, that must have been some conversation." She nudges me in the side with her shoulder and I try to stop smiling but it's nearly impossible.

"Shut up. Let's go do the shopping."

After that first Skype call, Jasper and I create a schedule so we can talk several times a week, falling into that easy friendship that we shared in Australia. He sets up a webcam after a couple weeks and it seems to make our connection even stronger.

My internship is intense and I when I have long shifts I focus my energy on getting home, knowing his beautiful face will be there to greet me. Well, virtually greet me anyway.

But right now, it's enough.

I was right about having little time for anything but my studies and my work. The hospital is busy and I regularly have 24 or 30 hour shifts. No boyfriend would want the type of schedule I could offer. And, yes the internship is only one year, but with three years of residency to look forward to, this will be my schedule for a long time.

Coming home to Jasper's honey-sweet words and his smiling eyes is the best part of my day. I worry that I'm getting too attached to his face, but I don't have any other concerns or options, so I ignore those pesky thoughts when they arise.

After a few weeks, my internmates take it upon themselves to show me a good time. They insist that I join them for drinks and dinner at a pub not far from the hospital.

"You need to eat," insists Alec, while Jane, Siobhan and Felix nod behind him. "You can't spend all of your time here and at home. All work and no play makes Edward a _very_ dull boy."

I look between their eager faces and I decide I can't really argue with his points. It's true, except for the part about it being all work. I do have my escape in Jasper, although none of them know about him. They do know that I'm gay as that bit of information was one of the first things the girls dug out of everyone, but Jasper is just something I want to keep for myself. Maggie knows a little, but I don't even talk about him with her.

So, I reluctantly agree.

I remember to tell Jasper that I'm going out to dinner with the other interns on Friday, so I won't be able to talk to him, but promise to call on Saturday. I have a slight twinge in my gut as I realize I'm more excited about talking to him than I am about going to dinner. Such is the way it is, and I need to just live my life, too.

Friday morning, I throw an extra shirt in my bag before heading to the hospital for my 12 hour shift, planning to shower and get ready there. I'm getting excited as Alec and Felix mention the pub and our plans every time I see them during the day, and it does actually sound fun and relaxing. Alec even suggests finding me someone to go home with. I blush and stammer until he says that he's kidding.

"It's not like you have a boyfriend, right? You can have some fun," he teases again, enjoying my being uncomfortable.

I look at my shoes and think again about my situation. No, I don't have a boyfriend. What I have is a wonderful guy that I talk to every day and fantasize about every night but don't ever get to touch or kiss. And might not ever.

"Yeah," I agree. "I can have some fun." And as the words leave my lips and he smiles wickedly, I hope desperately I don't regret them.

…

..

.


	26. Evaporated

_**A/N:**__ As with every chapter, this is dedicated to my BFF, __**theladyingrey42**__. Thank you to __**ahizelm**__ for the beta-work and __**Miss-Beckie-Louise**__ for keeping my Brits honest.  
_

_And with two Jasper chapters earlier, you _had_ to figure on two Edward chapters, right? If not, well, surprise!_

**

* * *

The Setting**: London, England

**The Music**: _Evaporated_, Ben Folds Five

**..**

**.**

**

* * *

EPOV**

I step under the hot water and roll my neck from side to side, willing the tension from my shoulders. Today was a long day: two car accidents with multiple injuries were rushed in around the same time, making for a very chaotic emergency room and, although I tried to help, I felt I was in the way more than I should be. I found myself assisting one of the doctors with two little girls that were scared and only mildly injured. Their parents were in serious condition, both having surgery and I sat with the girls until other family members arrived.

The doctor praised my dedication to the patients and how much I helped, but I felt like I wasn't dealing with the really important things.

He clapped his hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. "Sometimes, Edward, just caring is the most important thing. Anyone can do the medicine."

I left the emergency room after my shift with a slightly lighter heart but, after the adrenaline wore off, the tension between my shoulders could no longer be ignored.

With the water pounding on my back, I focus instead on the upcoming night. The interns are a close group, partly by necessity and partly because of common backgrounds and goals. The night should be interesting and I'm looking forward to some fun and getting to know them in a non-hospital setting.

Stepping out of the shower, I dry off quickly before wrapping a towel around my waist and walking into the locker room to finish getting ready. I pull on a pair of jeans and a black button-down shirt, getting them on before even trying to deal with my hair.

Alec and Felix are almost ready when I finally decide there's nothing I can really do to tame the mess on top of my head. We pick up the girls at their locker room and take taxis downtown to this amazing Irish pub. We find a large table and Alec orders a round of Guinness while we peruse the menus.

When the waitress returns with our beer, we order dinner and I get the Irish stew. Alec raises his glass and we all follow suit.

"To Edward finally being social," he says with a large grin. I shrug my shoulders and everyone chuckles as "Cheers" is echoed by all.

We chat about everything and nothing, studiously avoiding anything to do with work and I find myself relaxing and truly enjoying myself. I'm about halfway through my second pint of Guinness, when Alec's face lights up and he waves to a small group of people that just entered the pub. A slight girl in the front smiles and waves back before leading three other people over to our table.

"Hey Kate!" Alec greets her warmly while standing to gesture they should join us. "I'm so glad you could make it."

I scoot over on the bench to make room, and a tall, muscular guy with dirty blonde hair, clear grey eyes and a nice smile sits next to me.

"Hi, I'm Garrett," he says while offering me his hand.

"E-Edward," I answer, trying not to notice how nice he smells as I shake his hand.

The waitress arrives and, as he turns to place his order, I notice the slight stubble along his strong jaw. Instantly, I'm reminded of Jasper. I turn my eyes forward and take a long pull off my pint, ignoring the slight tightening of my trousers.

I cannot think about Jasper tonight, I want to have fun with my friends and not turn into the morose bastard I am most of the time.

After placing their orders, the newcomers all make introductions and I learn that Alec and Kate are old friends that regularly frequent this pub. We all settle into friendly conversation and I find myself drawn into an engaging topic of discussion by Garrett.

Music.

He's a music teacher at a local grammar school and enjoys inspiring the next generation of musicians. Soon we are debating the merits of requiring music education for children and how music can affect a child's growth mentally and emotionally.

I'm so engrossed in the conversation that I don't notice how close he's become until he grazes my arm with his hand. Startled, I look up into his face, his clear eyes gazing determinedly into mine. He reaches again with his hand and deliberately brushes his fingers along my thigh.

"Um, yeah, bar. I'll be back," I stammer before rising quickly and almost running to the bar at the back of the restaurant.

I lean against the bar, my elbows on the worn wood and my hands in my hair. What the fuck just happened?

Garrett is obviously flirting with me. He's great to talk to and, honestly, not too bad to look at either. So, why am I freaking out? Why do I feel like I'm betraying Jasper somehow?

I look up as the bartender approaches and I ask for another stout. She brings it over quickly and I pay and thank her before sitting at the bar. I think I have a couple minutes at least before someone comes looking for me, and I need to get my head on straight. A moment passes before I feel a warm press against the small of my back and I close my eyes with a soft sigh. Turning on my stool, I take in Garrett's lean form again and the deep concern in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, man. I must have read the situation wrong."

"No, don't feel bad, Garrett." I laugh somewhat too loudly. "I was probably sending some pretty mixed signals."

Garrett smiles and steps toward me. "Does that mean I wasn't wrong?"

He's so close, I can feel the warmth of him through my shirt, can almost taste him in the air. And it's good. But it only causes a deep ache in my chest because the one I want is so far away. I close my eyes and get lost in the image of Jasper for a second before I'm startled by the feeling of warm breath against my cheek.

I open my eyes just as Garrett closes his and leans into me, his lips grazing the corner of mine.

Standing abruptly, I knock over the stool and mumble half-apologies as I bolt for the door. Once outside in the cool night, I gulp the air but can't seem to stop the wave of dizziness and nausea that sweeps through me. I feel the lingering heat from his mouth on my skin and it's just wrong.

I feel guilty and anxious and confused and excited.

I want something more, but I want it with Jasper. I want to feel him against me. I want to see him every day, and our situation now is just torture.

I can't keep this up. There has to be a change; either I need more or I need to stop talking to Jasper altogether. What we have now is either too much or it's not enough.

More importantly, I need him right now. I hail a cab and soon I am racing up the stairs to my flat to the seclusion of my room and the bright screen of my laptop. As Skype opens, I send a quick prayer to anyone who's listening that Jasper is online.

Luckily, he is and I call him immediately, hitting the video request so I can see him as well.

"Hey, man. Didn't think I'd be talking to you tonight," he begins as the video opens and I can finally see him. He's lounging on his bed, the computer obviously on his legs as he lies back against the headboard.

I can tell the moment he can see me as well as he suddenly sits straight up and his voice is filled with concern. "What the hell happened to you, Edward? Are you alright?"

I glance down at the inset of myself, noticing my hair sticking out in every direction, my face is pale and my eyes look frightened.

Looking back at him, I nod slowly but can barely get the words out. "I've been better, Jasper."

"Weren't you out to dinner with the other interns? Did something happen?"

"No. Yeah. Oh bloody hell, I don't know." I grasp my hair in frustration. This is not how I wanted this conversation to go.

"I'm here Edward," comes Jasper's reassuring voice. "Just start at the beginning."

"Well, we all met at this Irish pub downtown. And Alec had invited a few other people I didn't know who joined us later. They all were nice and we were all talking."

_Come on, Edward, just spit it out._

"One of the guys... Garrett... he's a music teacher and we were talking about music and how it benefits children." I pause, noticing Jasper nodding along at the story but giving me time to formulate my thoughts. I look down at my clenched fingers on my leg, remembering the slight brush of fingertips. "Then, he touched my thigh. And I _ran_, Jasper. I ran because I didn't know what to think, but he followed me. And then he kissed me." I hear a small gasp through the speakers, but I can't look up yet. I push myself to finish the story. "I didn't know what to do. I panicked and next thing I know I'm outside, hailing a cab so I could get home as quickly as possible and talk to you."

"Edward, please look at me." I look up and see the worry on his face, the grim set of his jaw. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know. The only thing in my head right now is that I almost got kissed tonight and I can't stop thinking about you."

"I know," is his only answer.

I sigh deeply, burying my hands in my hair again. "I don't know if I can keep doing this. I need more, Jasper, and you can't give me more. And this...this _thing_ we have, it's not enough for me right now."

"I know," he repeats calmly. Has he been thinking the same things then? Is it not enough for him either?

"What can we do, Jasper? How do we fix this?"

There's a long pause and I look up into his anguished face.

"I don't know," comes his quiet reply and his brows crease with pain and concern.

We are silent for several minutes and I can feel overwhelming exhaustion starting to pull at me. The long day suddenly catches up to me, my 12-hour shift, the alcohol, the emotional roller coaster, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

"Listen," Jasper begins. "Go get some sleep. You're dead on your feet and we both need to sleep on this, I think."

I agree grudgingly, but I think he's right, too. At the pub, I was ready to make demands and ultimatums, but when faced with his voice, his doubts, my will to push crumbles before me.

I don't know what more we can say tonight. We haven't said a lot and we haven't resolved anything, but I hope something will be clearer in the morning. We say our goodbyes and promise to talk tomorrow until we both reluctantly end the call.

I stumble over to my bed and have one last image of Jasper's pained face before I thankfully fall into oblivion.

…

..

.


	27. Next To You

_**A/N**__: All of this, the love, the heartache, it's all for __**theladyingrey42**__. She's just nice and shares well with others. Thank you to __**ahizelm**__ for the beta-job. And holy crap I'm over 400 reviews! This has never happened. Thank you so much for taking the time to review!  
_

_Again, I highly recommended listening to the song if you are unfamiliar. Seriously one of my favorites.  
_

**

* * *

The Setting:** Ithaca, NY

**The Music: ** _Next To You_, Tim Easton

**..**

**.**

**

* * *

JPOV**

After ending my call with Edward, I pace the floor, anxiety eating away at me.

I can't let us just end, not like this. A dark clawing need builds in my chest thinking about my life without him, a possibility I had only considered in my nightmares.

I almost choke knowing he must be feeling the same. He says he needs more and I will be there to give it to him. I just thought I'd have more time.

Determined, I log onto my computer again, sending several inquiring emails.

I'm done holding back. I'm giving him everything. Starting tonight.

…

..

.


	28. Tired of Being Sorry

_**A/N: ** We're getting close to the end, guys and gals. And, as always, this is all for **theladyingrey42** with supreme beta-queen **ahizelm** and British wonder **Miss-Beckie-Louise**. _

_As always, thank you for all your reviews and comments. I love hearing your opinions and frustrations.  
_

**

* * *

The Setting:** London, England

**The Music:** _Tired of Being Sorry_, Ringside

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

I wake early the next morning and groan. The world is still spinning and my stomach churns uncomfortably. I'm not sure how much I drank last night, but it was definitely too much.

I look at my bedside table to read the clock and notice a glass of water and a couple ibuprofens there. I say a small silent thank you to Maggie before downing the pills and the water and covering my head with my pillow. It's only seven and I don't have to be in to the hospital til two.

The next time I open my eyes, the clock reads eleven and I roll out of bed, standing cautiously. My head is lightly pounding, but I am definitely better. After a shower and shave, I feel more like myself and make my way to the kitchen to grab something before my shift.

Maggie has beaten me there and already has a sandwich and crisps waiting for me.

"You are too good to me, Mags." I hug her tightly before grabbing the plate of food and sitting at the table.

"Well, after what I heard happened last night, I figured you needed some love," she says while taking the seat opposite me.

I look at her curiously and wonder exactly what happened after I left.

"Alec called me last night. Said you bugged out of there without a word to anyone. By the time I got home, you were passed out." She shrugs and once again I'm reminded of why I'm so happy that she's my flatmate. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"There was a guy..." I trail off, not exactly sure how much to explain to her, how much I want her to know.

"There's always a guy, Edward," she retorts, smirking.

"Very true. Anyway, this guy, Garrett, came on to me and I freaked out and left." I stop there, warring between telling her everything and keeping my reasons to myself. She saves us both the trouble by being more observant than I give her credit for.

"This couldn't be because of the Yank you talk to almost every day, could it?"

"What? Um...I..." I have no response for her. Nothing sounds reasonable or good or part of a healthy relationship. _Yeah, we met in Australia, and he's probably everything I want in a man. Oh, by the way, we fucked but now he's in America so I can only talk to and see him online. _

_Great._

"Don't even try lying to me, Edward. I can always tell."

"Yeah, well. He and I, I mean... We're... Shit." I give up in defeat, hanging my head in my hands.

"Hey, now," Maggie comforts. "It's okay. It's complicated. I get it. But you should figure it out one way or another or it'll stop you from being happy."

With her words, some of my determination from last night returns, and I know Jasper and I need to talk about this. Maggie's right. If I keep this half-relationship going online, I may never find true happiness and love in real life. I know it's too early to call Jasper just yet, and I probably won't have time before my shift, but I resolve to try when I get home.

Maggie and I relax and watch some stupid show before it's time for me to go. I kiss her on the forehead on my way out and she pats my arm affectionately.

"Take it easy on Alec. He meant no harm," she warns, raising her eyebrows expectantly at me.

"No worries, Mags. He didn't know anything, so I can't blame him at all."

"Good. Then I'll see you when you get back."

"Won't be til late," I start but she stares at me, exaggerated shock and hurt on her features. "But I'm sure I'll see you then."

"Yes, you will," she replies, smiling broadly.

By the time I arrive at the hospital, I'm feeling almost good. My hangover is gone, my time with Maggie was fun and I only have a ten-hour shift today. Halfway through the night as I'm grabbing a nibble in the break room, Alec finds me there with a sandwich half stuffed in my mouth. He apologizes for the previous night but I wave him off. No harm, no foul.

"It's just... I didn't know you had a boyfriend. You've always denied it."

"I don't really, but... Hell, I don't know what I have," I say, looking up and seeing his head cocked to the side in confusion. "We're still figuring it out," I finish lamely.

He just nods and claps me on the back on his way out. "Well, Edward, next time, I promise I won't be surprising you like that again. Hell, Garrett is more pissed at me than you are."

I chuckle and shake my head. "Maybe this'll teach you to play matchmaker then," I call after him as he walks out the door. He waves at me over his head, dismissing my teasing.

I smile and finish my sandwich before heading back into the hospital to finish my shift.

Midnight comes quickly, and I finish my charts as fast as possible so I can be home early. Maggie is barely conscious when I return to the flat and I pull her limp form off the couch and put her in bed before going to my room. I shower and change before checking my computer, knowing it's still relatively early in the eastern US.

I frown when I realize that Jasper's not online and note that he didn't send me an email all day. I send him an email asking if we can talk tomorrow and letting him know that I should be home by 8pm from work.

I close my computer and fall into a fitful sleep with dreams of Jasper and myself all swirling with other faceless boys. When my alarm sounds, I feel neither rested nor happy. I tossed and turned all night with my dreams echoing my fears for myself and my life. Checking my email, I see that there are no new messages and I feel my heart sink even further.

Yesterday I still had hope that Jasper and I could figure something out. Today I wonder if he's come to the same conclusion that I have. Work at the hospital drags and I watch the hours tick by slowly on the clock, anxious to return home. When I finally do, Maggie forces me sit at the dinner table while she feeds me and makes me tell her about my day. My anxiety is rising to new levels and I know my incessant knee bouncing and glancing at my watch is driving her crazy, but my need for Jasper is becoming unbearable.

After talking to him every day for the last month, I had no idea that not speaking to him for only two days would make me this neurotic. He and I need to talk. I can't let him end our relationship even if it's not all that I want. I was wrong last night when I said it was either more or nothing. I need him like a drug, and if that means continuing what we have, then I might be able to live with that. I just need to know that he's waiting on the other end of that line for me as well.

And that when the time is right, we can have more.

By the time I finish dinner, I basically sprint up the stairs to my room. Waiting for my laptop to boot up and my browser to open is painfully slow and my knee bounces in anticipation. When the chime indicates that I have new mail, I swear time just stops. I hold my breath and close my eyes as the page opens, hoping that it's from Jasper.

Opening my eyes slowly, his name is highlighted and I hurriedly open the message.

**_Edward,_**

**_I'm sorry I missed you yesterday. Some things came up. I really want to talk to you, too, and I'm positive we can talk tomorrow. When are you off work?_**

**_Yours, Jasper _**

I can't help the frown on my face when I realize that I won't be talking to Jasper tonight. His email is fairly vague and I wonder what "came up" that prevented him from talking to or emailing me earlier. I suppress my frustration for a few moments to email him back, saying that tomorrow I have an early day. I'm scheduled from seven in the morning until three, but that means I will be home around five. I worry I may be being too detailed in my answer, but I don't want to miss him again.

His continued absence is worrying and I try to distract myself by studying some, but really it's pointless. I finally give up and go to bed early, hoping tomorrow will bring answers.

And Jasper.

…

..

.


	29. I Believe in You

_**A/N:**__ I know you all know this, but I wrote this pile of angsty slash for __**theladyingrey42.**__ Big thanks to __**ahizelm **__for beta-ing._

_I may actually pass 500 reviews on this story. Please make this little dream of mine come true!  
_

**

* * *

The Setting:** Ithaca, NY

**The Music:** _I Believe in You_, Bob Dylan

..

.

**

* * *

JPOV**

I could feel him slipping away.

Every time I watched him shove his hands through his hair, every time I heard the hesitance in his hello, every time I saw his downcast eyes when we said goodnight.

Every night that we talked but didn't _talk_.

When he told me about that _boy_, I knew I couldn't wait until summer. If I didn't make him mine, he would be gone.

The surrounding noise and bustle somehow settle my nerves. He took a chance with me, and now I will do the same.

I know what I must do.

I take a deep breath...

And board the plane.

…

..

.


	30. I'm Ready

_**A/N: **__ This is the final chapter, the birthday chapter, that I wrote for __**theladyingrey42**__. She's my bestest and most days I don't know what I'd do without her. As always, none of this would have been possible without my beta-queen, __**ahizelm**__, and my British buddy and helper, __**Miss_Becky_Louise**__. _

_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I hope you like the conclusion to this story. This is by far my most reviewed story and I've loved reading all the reviews! After my board exam (end of September) I will be back to writing again so I hope to see you all again soon!_

**

* * *

The Setting:** London, England

**The Music: ** _I'm Ready_, Tracy Chapman

..

.

**

* * *

EPOV**

I wake before my alarm, my nerves already on edge and anticipation coiling tight in my belly. I am shaking as I get ready and forgo shaving to avoid some horrible accident I'm sure to have with my razor and my trembling hands.

I arrive early at the hospital, both eager to begin my day and dreading my conversation tonight.

Jasper's email seemed so short and cold, especially compared to the exuberant, playful ones I am used to, and he left no clue as to what's going through his head. Three days of not talking to him and my mind is starting to play games with me about what all this could mean. By ten, I'm certain Jasper is calling the whole thing off and by noon I've convinced myself that he never wanted more than a quick fuck. Alec tries to reason with me and calm me down, but it's no use and by three, I'm a fucking mess.

Luckily, the end of my shift is fairly slow and I leave almost exactly on time after showering and changing. For some reason, my train is late and I think I may scream in frustration if one more thing keeps me from home and my computer where I'm hoping Jasper is waiting for me... hoping and dreading because, by this point, I'm sure there is nothing good that will come of this.

The cold grey day has turned into a cold, damp night, and as I exit the tube it begins to drizzle. "Fucking great," I mumble under my breath.

I hunch my shoulders and begin the short walk to my flat, contemplating my life and my misery while staring at the ground in front of my feet. Climbing the short set of stairs to my building, I'm stopped by someone scrambling to stand in front of me.

"Sorry, sir." I begin trying to sidestep the obstacle; I just want to get inside.

But then I'm stopped by a familiar scent.

I close my eyes wondering how much torture I can endure in one day.

"No worries, man." His words float up to me, that slow, southern drawl the sweetest sound to my ears.

I open my eyes as I feel him shift in front of me. I stare into his piercing blue eyes, hesitant to believe he's actually here even though all evidence points to the contrary.

"Jasper?" I squeak out, still not entirely certain he's real.

"Yeah, Edward. It's me," he says while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and I continue to stare, no words forming in my head although my heart is screaming. His brows crease and he frowns at my lack of response. "I'm sorry. Perhaps this was a bad idea," he says as he backs up a step.

_No, no, no. He can't leave_.

"No!" He jumps slightly when I finally force the word through my throat. I stretch a tentative hand towards his face, my fingers aching to touch him, to make sure he's solid.

My fingertips brush his cheek and my palm cups his jaw. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. Indescribable warmth spreads from my hand through my arm and straight into my chest.

"Oh, Jasper," I rasp, want and need burning my throat.

He steps into me and wraps an arm firmly around my waist before tracing his other hand along my cheek in the same path. His lips are almost touching mine and I can feel his hot breath on my mouth, almost taste him on my tongue. "Edward, we need to go inside."

I nod mutely before turning to the door, unable to form words. I need to touch him everywhere but I settle for grabbing his hand and pulling him with me up the stairs and into the entryway. As soon as the door shuts behind us, I am pressing him against it, no longer wanting any space between us.

He groans into my mouth as I kiss him hard and I feel his tongue swipe my lower lip before I open my mouth and we taste each other. And it's _more_ than the first time. Our hands are possessive, each trying to hold the other tightly: his gripping my hair and my hip, mine wrapped around his back and holding his face to mine.

His fingers slip under my shirt and I feel the satin touch of his hand along my lower back. Through the fog of desire clouding my mind, I realize we need to move to my room before Maggie finds us naked in the hall. I try to back towards my bedroom, but Jasper just grips me harder.

"Jasper," I gasp between kisses. "Bedroom."

His eyes flash to mine with understanding before he bends to lift his bag over his shoulder again and follows me down the hall. His hand is tightly grasped in mine, and I keep looking back at him even though it's a very short walk to the room.

I can't believe he's _here_. That he's standing in front of me. That I am touching him. That I can have him again.

Wait.

We cross the threshold into my room and he closes the door behind him. My fingers still in their path up his arm as my brain screeches all movement to a halt.

Is he leaving me again in the morning? Am I that easy? Can I do this to myself again without knowing where I stand?

With my heart almost breaking in two, I push Jasper gently away from me. He looks at me with questioning eyes, his hair disheveled and his lips swollen. He leans toward me again, but I stop him with my hand on his chest.

"Wait, Jasper. Not that I really want to stop, but I can't do this without knowing. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you," he whispers, pain evident in his voice and eyes.

I smile at his admission, but it's not enough. "For how long?"

His face falls and he steps up to me, gathering me in his arms and this time I offer no resistance. He stares directly into my eyes and speaks firmly and deliberately. "For as long as you'll have me."

My heart soars with his words, but I know they are just words. He has commitments in America that he can't walk away from and I can't follow him there. I'm still looking into his eyes and watch as his brow furrows before he leans in to kiss me again.

I pull back, wishing my head would just be as happy as my heart and accept that he is here for me. I lower my eyes and bite my lip, unwilling to hope just yet. "Jasper, I just... I can't wake up to an empty bed again."

He grips my face firmly in his hands, forcing me to look up. "Edward, I'm not leaving. I'm here, in London, for as long as you want me."

My smile grows broader as realization washes over me. He's staying. He's staying for me.

"Now," he continues, brushing his lips against mine softly. "Kiss me."

I twist my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him to me, pressing my lips to his. Our bodies are flush, but we're each still trying to pull each other impossibly closer. I move my mouth over his jaw, loving the rough feel of his stubble on my tongue, loving the taste of his skin that I never thought I would have again.

"Edward, you feel so good," he groans. "I've been dreaming of this day for so long."

I guide him backwards until his knees hit my bed and then push him gently onto his back. I help Jasper remove his shoes and then toe out of my own as he moves toward the headboard.

I hover over him, my knees on either side of his hips as he runs his hands over my arms and shoulders.

"Tell me what you're thinking?" he whispers, his vibrant eyes urging me to talk.

"I feel like I _am_ dreaming," I admit before leaning down to capture his lips in a chaste kiss, needing the contact to prove that he's here. "That I will wake up and you will still be thousands of miles away."

His hands smooth my hair back from my face and he pulls me close again for a soft kiss. "I'm here, Edward," he reassures me. "I'm here."

He repeats these two words like a mantra as he wraps his arms around my torso and flips us slowly onto our sides. He gently runs his fingertips over my face, my scalp, my neck and I can feel myself relaxing. I close my eyes and he places small kisses over my eyelids, my nose, every inch of skin he can reach. He touches his lips to mine and I suddenly come to life again, pushing and pressing myself into him.

Between kisses he continues to reassure me that he's not leaving, that he's here to stay if I want him to.

And, oh, how I want him to stay.

Slowly, I remove his clothing, worshipping each inch of skin that's revealed to me. He returns the favor, kissing and licking and nipping at my skin, making me writhe beneath him, begging for more.

He is hovering above me, laying hot, wet kisses along my jaw and I turn my head to give him better access.

And that's when I see it.

Inked script along the inside of his bicep. I've had just enough Latin to recognize the language but not enough to read it. But then his rough fingers and teeth pull me back from my distraction.

"Jasper," I gasp as he nips my shoulder.

"Hmmm," he hums while his lips blaze a path of heat along my chest.

I gasp again as he thrusts his hips against mine and I lose my train of thought. There's nothing separating us but the thin cotton of our boxers and he almost growls as my hard length rubs against his. I grip his ass in my hands and pull his hips into mine again and we both groan.

"Are you ready for this?" he whispers into my mouth before raking his mouth along my jaw. And I know he means more than just this moment, just this kiss.

I smile slightly as my ever-ready reply bursts from my lips. "As I'll ever be."

He lifts his head and smiles at me before covering my mouth with his as our hips continue to grind together.

"Fuck, Edward, you have no idea how long I've wanted this," he pants, his mouth inches from mine.

I chuckle before gasping again when he grabs my hair in his hands, tugging slightly. "Yes," I hiss. "Yes, I know exactly how long."

He pulls on my hair again and I grab his shoulders before flipping us over. Once I settle over him, I trail a line of kisses from his jaw down his neck and chest, pausing at his tightening nipples, licking and nibbling the hardened flesh before continuing down his muscular abdomen. My mouth finds the soft skin along the top of his boxers and I dip my tongue beneath the band. Jasper's hips thrust forward and a rasping groan escapes his mouth.

"Please, Edward. Please," he begs, running his fingers along my scalp.

My fingers grip his boxers and he lifts his hips as I pull them off, watching his cock spring free of the cloth. I instantly wrap my hand around his throbbing heat, feeling him pulse in my grip. I move my hand slowly down his length, feeling the soft skin over his hardness.

"God, Edward. You... the feel... _fuck_," he pants and I look up in time to see him throw his head back and close his eyes.

"I just," I whisper almost reverentially, watching my hand move over him. "I just needed to touch you this time."

His eyes find mine and there's a fierceness there that wasn't before. He sits up suddenly, forcing me to sit back on my heels although I don't release him from my grip. Grabbing my face, his mouth devours mine and he moans and hums as I continue to stroke him.

I push him back slightly and settle lower on the bed, placing open-mouthed kisses on his stomach, hips, licking and sucking my way down his body. His fingers tangle in my hair and his back arches as my teeth graze his hipbone. I try to resist, but when my fingers find the slick wetness at the swollen tip of his cock, my mouth waters with my need to taste him, a pleasure denied to me last time.

Moving my mouth ever closer, I swirl my tongue around the head, gathering his precum and just savoring him. I lick down his shaft, salt and sweet combining on my tongue. Coordinating my movements, I take him in my mouth while moving my hand. The feeling of his straining cock in my mouth is sublime and I hear him groaning above me as his hands tighten in my hair.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward," he rumbles, his voice deeper and resonating. His breathing is ragged, and I know he's getting close as his thigh muscles start to tremble. "No, not like this," he groans before sitting up, placing his hands under my chin and lifting my face to his. He kisses me hungrily and I lean into him, feeling his hard want against my clothed length.

"You have entirely too much clothing on," he laughs, flipping me to remove my boxers. Once I am naked he leans over me, placing one hand on my cheek and the mood shifts, his eyes suddenly earnest, pleading. I lift my hands to his face as well and I try to pull him to me. He stops just inches from contact, his gaze dropping.

"What do you want, Edward?" he whispers, a slight hint of desperation in his voice.

"You, Jasper. Just you."

He looks up at me once again, eyes sparkling with hope and a hint of fear. "I'm here for you. I just need to know that we're on the same page."

My heart aches that he doesn't know how I feel. "I want all of you, Jasper. I am...beyond words... that you are here right now and I _want_ you to stay." I take a deep breath, putting my heart on the line as he has. "I want you to stay with me."

His smile is blindingly bright as he pulls me down to him again, his arms wrapping around my back as he awkwardly kisses me while continuing to smile. Smiling kisses quickly become heated once again as our naked bodies rub, our skin sliding together.

"Jasper, I need you. I need to feel you again," I mumble against his lips and his fingers tighten on my hips. I reach into the nightstand and pull out the lube and a condom, keeping my knees on either side of his hips. Jasper pulls the lube from my hold, pours a liberal amount on his fingers before firmly stroking my cock in one hand and beginning to circle my entrance with the other. I moan and kneel over him to give him better access and allow me to roll the condom on his straining length.

We are both panting with need as I lower myself onto his length, his eyes fixed on mine, his fingers almost painfully grasping my hips. My hands are splayed on his chest and as my ass hits his pelvis, I begin to rock as he thrusts into me from below. The feeling is beyond anything I've ever experienced and I never want it to end.

"Bloody hell, Jasper," I moan as a shift in his angle causes shivers of ecstasy to pulse through my body. I am so close that a breath will push me over the edge and he hasn't even touched me yet. "Oh my fucking..."

He grabs my cock in his hand firmly, stroking hard as his motions below me become erratic. "Edward," he whispers and then groans. "Let go, Edward."

And I do.

And it's glorious.

My back arches as my release spills onto his chest and I feel him tense below me as he pulses within me. I collapse onto him as he pulls me forward, covering my face in warm kisses as our breathing slows. After a few moments, he gently eases me onto my side as he pulls out and walks to the bathroom, disposing of the condom and returning with a warm washcloth.

He crawls back into bed with me and I kiss his temple, enjoying the taste and smell of him so close once again. He reaches over to brush the hair out of my eyes and I again notice black script on the inside of his bicep.

"New ink?" I question, needing to ask, needing to know everything about him.

"Uh, yeah." He twists his arm so I can get a better look and I see "Alis grave nil" in a gothic print, but I also notice the faint blush over his skin.

"I meant to ask you about the tattoo on your back when I saw it before, but I was clearly distracted then." I chuckle a little when he smirks in recognition. "What do they mean?"

He flips over so I can see the scrawl across his shoulder blade, the elegant script a contrast to the blocked letters on his arm. "It reads 'qua lacuna deficio music fatur' and the Latin translates to 'where words fail, music speaks.' It's really a testament to my life, to my music and how it has healed me and spoken for me when I was in dark places." He turns to face me and his brow is furrowed. I know he's remembering times and places he doesn't want to so I run my fingers softly over his cheek before leaning in to kiss him again.

"And your arm?" I inquire softly. Even though I don't want this to be painful, I can't let him stop there. For some reason, I know this is important; that the ink he has on his body is always significant.

"My arm is a similar story. Again, it's Latin and it translates roughly to "nothing is heavy to those who have wings" which is um, well, about you." He clears his throat and avoids my gaze as I stare open-mouthed at him.

When I regain my ability to speak, I can barely form any words. "M-me? Wh-what do you mean?"

He blushes again and runs his hand through his hair before explaining. "Well, this may be difficult to explain, but let me get through it before you interrupt me."

He looks at me inquiringly and I nod quickly for him to continue. Even if I have to bite my tongue, I definitely want to hear this.

"I got it shortly after I ended things with Peter. He had always been there for me and, in my head, I thought of him as my rock, my anchor to reality and this world." He pauses and looks up at me and I force myself to relax my clenched jaw and give him the time to explain why Peter is on his mind while he's here with me. "But then I met you. And you... Well, you changed everything. I thought of you as my wings, and with you I could fly above everything, soar above the heartache and pain. I forgot that I even _had_ pain and I no longer wanted or needed a rock to weigh me down." He places a finger under my chin, lifting my mouth to his for a chaste kiss. "Because I had you."

"Oh, Jasper. I want to be that for you." I kiss him soundly before I feel reality starting to catch up to me. "But how? How can we be together? How can you stay?"

A devilish glint appears in his eyes. He intertwines his fingers in mine and smiles before answering me. "Remember how I said my professor spent time in Europe?"

I nod slowly but I'm confused what this has to do with anything.

"Well, part of his sabbatical was spent at the King's College here in London." He pauses and looks down at our hands and I start to feel the glimmer of hope in my chest. "Well, he pulled some strings and got me a position with his friend. I've been desperately trying to finish all the paperwork to make the transfer here, to move _here_ and finish my PhD." He lifts our clasped hands to his lips and looks at me finally. "If you'll have me?"

My heart is in my throat and my breath is gone with his question. This still seems like a dream and I'm beginning to panic that I'll be waking soon.

"You're kidding me?" I practically squeak and his face darkens perceptibly.

"No," he says calmly, giving nothing away.

I take another steadying breath, and rise on to my elbow to look at him. I release his hand and stare into his eyes as I grab the back of his neck. "Bloody hell, Jasper. Of course I'll have you."

I press my lips to his hungrily and he wraps his arms around me turning us over and laughing into my mouth. He begins kissing me playfully over every inch of my skin and I can't help but join in his laughter.

"You have no idea how nervous I was showing up here like this," he says between kisses.

"Well, I thought you were going to tell me you were done with me tonight," I respond, running my fingers through his hair and once again relishing the fact that he's here.

Touchable.

_Mine._

We continue to touch and kiss and caress softly, never urgently. Eventually my body betrays me as my stomach growls loudly, and Jasper suggests we go get "traditional English food" so I reluctantly follow his lead and get dressed. I take him to a local pub and we have a couple pints and the most clichéd English meal, fish and chips.

We sit in a secluded booth, and I can't stop staring at his beautiful face, his dancing eyes, his long fingers tangled in mine. It's beyond wonderful to have Jasper here, in my city, in my home, and I can't wait to see how he fits in my life. How he'll really be _here_.

We chat quietly about everything and nothing and he slowly reveals how he came to be on my doorstep. Planning for weeks, apparently with help from Alice, the details slowly fell into place. But my phone call about Garrett sent him into a panic. He worried he was losing me and he jumped on the first bus to New York City and then sat in LaGuardia airport for almost 36 hours before finally getting a seat on a plane. He hasn't slept in two days.

When he reveals the lengths he's gone through to get here today, I begin to notice the deep circles under his eyes and the exhaustion in his smile.

"Come on, love. Let's get you to bed."

We leave hand-in-hand and walk the small distance back to my flat. Maggie still isn't home so we go straight to my room. He showers quickly as I get ready for bed and curl up under my duvet. He climbs in behind me, heat radiating from his body. I hum in appreciation as he curves around me and pulls me back into his chest. He kisses me once on the back of my neck and I sigh, threading my fingers with his.

His breathing evens out quickly and I follow shortly, held tightly in his arms.

~~0~~

The next couple months are a blur of work and life and Jasper. He finds a flat near mine and the King's College and starts working almost immediately. With his professor in the states helping him, his paperwork and visas sail through the red tape with minimal problems.

My social life has certainly picked up as well. And even though I'm definitely happy to stay home for the night, Jasper seamlessly fits into my small circle of friends, wrapping each of them around his little finger with his southern charm. Maggie and Alice are instantly in love with him and tease me relentlessly that they would each like a try if I'm ever done with him.

Like that is even a remote possibility.

I won't be giving Jasper up that easily. What began as a great connection over a few days on holiday has grown into everything I've ever wanted in my life. The evenings I eat dinner at his flat are extraordinary. To be greeted by him when I'm done with a long day, often with a home-cooked dinner or take-away already waiting is just beyond anything I've ever dreamed of.

Take tonight. I've just finished a 14 hour shift at the hospital and I know I won't be good company but Jasper insisted I come over for dinner. I'll likely stuff myself and immediately collapse on the couch, but I also know that if I went home directly I would skip the meal in favor of sleep.

I smile as I climb the stairs to his flat, already anticipating his warm mouth on mine. He opens the door almost instantly at my quiet knock and he pulls me into his arms, pressing his lips against mine forcefully. I return the kiss eagerly and, after dropping my bag on the ground, wrap my arms around his waist.

After a few moments of greeting he pulls away slightly, a brief look of concern crossing his features as he looks at me before his face brightens and he asks me about my day. He lets go and moves back into the kitchen, stirring several pots on the stove. He nods toward an open bottle of wine and I pour us a couple of glasses before talking.

"It was a grueling shift, I have to say." I take a sip of the red wine and the savory sweetness instantly reminds me of the vegetarian restaurant in Tasmania. "Is this a malbec?"

He looks up at me in surprise before turning back to his pots and pans. "Yes. I'm so happy you remember."

"Of course I remember," I say before stepping behind him and kissing the back of his neck gently. "It was our first night together." He turns and kisses my lips once before smirking at me.

"And I do think I got you a little drunk," he says with a laugh.

"I warned you," I reply teasingly. "Although I have to say, I liked that you had to basically carry me back."

He laughs again before turning back to the stove. "That may have been part of the plan," he mumbles almost inaudibly. I smack him on the ass and move away quickly before he can retaliate.

"That's for intentionally lowering my inhibitions," I tease and I laugh again as he wiggles his ass at me in obvious invitation. "Maybe later, love."

"Is that a promise?" he asks, looking over his shoulder to wink at me.

I chuckle as I lean back against the counter, loving the playfulness about him and admiring his confidence in the kitchen as always. I have this image of us far into the future, a touch of grey about my temples, laugh lines permanently fixed around his eyes. But we'll still be here, taking care of each other, playing and laughing. It's something I want more every day, but I'm still unsure that it will really happen, if he wants the same things as me. We haven't talked about our futures or where we think we're going yet, and perhaps it's something I should press more.

Or maybe it's only been a couple months and I shouldn't push. I can be patient and just keep learning about him and let it happen naturally.

I sigh and take another sip of wine.

Maybe I should only think about these things when I'm less exhausted.

"Everything's almost ready," he announces suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. I look up and see him smirking at me with a ladle in one hand. He leans in and kisses me lightly on my lips before opening the pantry and pulling out serving dishes. "Can you grab the wine and glasses? Everything else is set, I'll just grab the food."

I walk into the dining room and see the table already beautifully set with candles and flowers. I stand agape until I feel his presence behind me, breaking the spell.

"You didn't have to go through all this...," I start, motioning to the table, but he quickly cuts me off.

"I _like_ to, Edward. It makes me happy to take care of you, even if it just means adding a couple candles to the shopping list." He shrugs and sets the platter he's carrying on the table.

I refill our wine glasses and take the seat next to him as he scoops vegetable stir-fry onto our plates. It smells incredible and I'm tempted to lift the plate to my nose so I can inhale but then I feel a warm hand lightly caress my thigh. I look up and find Jasper staring at me, his glass lifted as if to toast.

"To us," he murmurs. He manages to sound both hesitant and eager, and I wonder what I'm missing as my heart leaps into my throat. I'm just able to choke out a "To us" in response before clinking my glass against his and sipping my wine.

He sets down his glass and turns back to me, intensity burning in his eyes. "Edward, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Immediately, all the warning bells go off in my head, he's been acting strangely lately and now the dinner, the flowers, the wine. And I know I've been really busy in the last couple weeks, maybe it's too much for him, maybe he's cutting his losses. The dinner tonight is wonderful and I hope this is a good sign, but is he somehow letting me down easy?

Luckily, he doesn't leave me in suspense for long.

"Will you... will you move in with me?" he asks, his words running together in a rush. His face flushes red and he looks down at his lap, steadily avoiding eye contact.

I am stunned. Speechless.

Jasper begins muttering and rambling, talking into his palms that are covering his face. "Knew it was too soon... God damn idiot... Shouldn't push... Fucked it all up again, haven't you Whitlock? I should-"

I finally pry his hands from his face and I see such despair, such hopelessness, that there's an actual pang in my chest. I grab him by his chin, ending the tirade from his lips, and bring his face to mine kissing him with all the passion and willingness and happiness I have in me. He turns his body fully towards mine and he winds his hands into my hair pulling me into him forcefully.

I sit back slightly when I need a breath and I grab his hands in mine. "Of course I'll move in with you, you silly boy," I say between pants. "I wouldn't want anything more."

He reaches for me again pulling me into his arms, dinner forgotten as we kiss and caress. "Oh, thank God. I was so worried you would say no. And I couldn't handle that, Edward. I need you here so much. Every day."

"Me too, Jasper. I need that, too." I gulp, wondering if I can make the same leap he just did, take a chance on him, too. "Jasper," I start and he lifts his pale blue eyes to mine and the emotion shining there gives me the confidence I need. I'm ready for this; we're ready for this. I scoot closer in my chair until my knees are between his and I can feel his breath against my mouth. "I love you."

His eyes widen slightly before he smiles gently against my lips. "And I love you."

..

~Fin~

…

..

.

_**

* * *

A/N:** Happy sighs._

_And that's all she wrote, folks! I hope you have enjoyed the ride! I would love to hear your thoughts if you would just push that little review button down there. Thanks!_


	31. The Promise

**A/N:** _This future-take occurs about one year after the end of __**Ready For You**_,_ and was originally written for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation__. Thank you to all who donated to that cause. _

_As keeping with the pattern of the entire story, this starts with a drabble from Jasper, then the remainder of the tale from Edward's point of view. Also as before, the title is from a song, "The Promise" by New Found Glory._

_Big thanks to my beta and BFF, __**theladyingrey42**__, who had a hell of a time getting me to use commas this time...bastards. Edward's British-isms come care of __**Conversed**__ who made sure I used the words 'blokes' and 'flannels' correctly. Thank you, dearie. Also for those that don't know (including me), consultants are the attending physicians in hospitals, and are referred to as 'Mr' not 'Dr'. Learn something new every day._

_.._

_.  
_

**

* * *

JPOV**

As so often is the case lately, I'm alone.

Midnight has come and gone and the space next to me in our bed is still cold.

I stand and pace the small area between our bed and the closet, debating if I could leave like this. Wondering if he would even notice that I had left.

That thought brings me up short, and I tilt my head back to stare at the ceiling, breathing through the painful clenching in my chest that was becoming a daily thing.

Is this what heartbreak feels like? Is this how passion fizzles?

Is this what we've come to?

..

.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Okay, Cullen, time to go home," comes a stern voice from behind me as a warm hand rests on my shoulder.

"I know, I know, Mr. Stuart. I'm just finishing this last chart and then I'm leaving."

I hear the doctor, my consultant, huff behind me, and I swivel my chair around to find his steady gaze locked on mine and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He raises an eyebrow at me, and I lay my pen and the chart down on the desk.

"Or I'm going right now," I state as I stand and move past him, understanding that if I don't leave I will get another of his lectures about working too hard.

He catches my arm as I pass and I pause, looking up into his concerned eyes. "It's not that I don't appreciate the effort, Edward," he begins, and I flinch at the use of my first name, preparing for the talking to I know is coming. He glances at his watch, and his eyes widen minutely before returning to mine. "It's just that it's after 4am and I know you have a shift tomorrow, too. When you have time off, I expect you to take it. Do not put my patients in danger."

I bite my tongue to keep in the excuses that are threatening to spill. I _have_ had time off, at least a good ten hours in the last 48, which is more than most weeks. And these reports will still need to be done tomorrow.

I open my mouth to speak.

"Go _home_, Edward," Mr. Stuart says gently but firmly, squeezing my arm before releasing me in the direction opposite of where I was sitting. "And tell Jasper hello!" he calls as I walk down the hall toward the locker room. I wave my hand over my head and continue on my way, the reminder of what waits for me at home making me quicken my pace.

After I shower quickly and change into jeans and a t-shirt, I pull on my leather jacket before shoving some papers in my messenger bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I actually didn't intend to stay as late tonight, hoping to have some time in bed with Jasper before he had to go in to school. But, as often happens, something came up. A recurrent patient of mine was brought in by ambulance, and I felt an obligation to see that she was stabilized and to take a look over her charts.

Then again, my shift ended four hours ago.

I sigh as I step onto the train, running my hands through my hair before standing near the door and gripping onto a pole. I know if I sit, the rocking and rumbling of the train will lull me to sleep and I'll miss my stop. It's happened before.

Soon, my station comes into view, and I exit, running up the steps to the street and walking swiftly to our flat a few blocks away.

_Our_ flat.

I still get chills when I remember how Jasper and I found this place not six months ago. He had asked me to move in almost a year ago, but the logistics of getting out of our leases and Maggie finding a new flatmate had slowed down the process. Not that we didn't spend every night together, but this was finally _ours_, our space together. The perfect distance from the hospital and the school in this quiet neighborhood still relatively close to the tube. I jump as a car blares its horn as it passes. Well, _relatively_ quiet.

I finally make it to the building and enter, taking the narrow steps as quickly as possible to our flat on the second floor. Opening the door, I'm greeted by dark and quiet, although I suspect that Jasper is still sleeping as it is only about 5:30 now.

Entering our bedroom, I quietly remove my clothing before crawling into my side of the bed, automatically stretching out my arms for his warmth, but I find nothing.

Cold sheets and blankets twist in my arms as I fling the covers aside, confused and alarmed. I switch on the light to confirm that Jasper is gone and then look around the room, taking in the open closet, the suitcase on the floor, his notebook gone from its ever present location on the dresser.

I jump up from the bed and race to the bathroom, finding his toothbrush and all his personal effects also missing.

What the hell happened? Where the fuck did he go?

What did I do?

I know I haven't been around as much as I've hoped, but the first year of the hospital specialty training is always difficult. The next couple years will be better, I had promised him.

_Yes, but didn't you also promise that your intern year would be the hardest?  
_  
I wince, realizing my nagging voice, the one that sounds so much like Alice, is right. But this is temporary, it's all temporary. And then Jasper and I will have the rest of our lives.

_Not if he leaves first_, the voice says again.

I stride swiftly through the flat, noticing a few other things missing: his favorite book from the armchair, his jacket and shoes.

I run through the rooms wondering what I missed, why I didn't see this coming. In my panic I almost miss the ringing of my phone, but the annoying chime finally cuts through the haze, and I race to the bed, grabbing it on the fourth ring.

I open it without looking at the caller-ID, hoping to hear the one voice I can't live without. "Hello?"

"Edward, calm down," comes the answer, the composed voice of my sister doing nothing to quash my fears. I sit heavily on the bed and sigh, bending over to rest my elbows on my knees.

"I can't, Alice. It's Jasper. He's... He's..." I can't even finish the sentence let alone the thought. What if he's truly gone?

"It's okay, Edward. He's in France for a conference, which I'm sure he told you about and put on your calendar. So, you need to calm down and breathe, Edward. Breathe," she urges, and I can feel my chest begin to expand again.

Conference. He has a conference.

"That's better. You scared me there for a moment," she continues, and I wonder again why she's calling me this early in the morning.

"How did you know I would be panicking?" I finally ask, confusion and fear still clutching at my heart.

"Well, when you didn't show this morning, I had to give Jasper a lift to the airport," she replies, as if that explains all her actions.

"Fuck!" I curse. "I was supposed to go with him!"

"Well, now that you seem to okay, I'm going to let you get some sleep." She ends the call before I have a chance to reply and I flop back onto the bed, hearing a rustle under me. Reaching behind my head I pull a folded scrap of paper with my name across it in Jasper's scrawl.

A note.

Opening it slowly, I immediately sigh in relief, reading his opening lines.

_Love,_

_I waited as long as I could, but I couldn't miss my plane. I thought you wanted to see me off, but I know something probably came up at the hospital.  
_  
My sigh of relief becomes one of regret as I, once again, feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I could have been back in time. Glancing at the clock, I know that half an hour would have made the difference, and instead I didn't get to kiss him farewell before he went to a four day conference in France. I slam my hand on the bed next to me in frustration and growl into the empty space.

I read the rest of the note quickly as he says where he will be staying and when he will be returning. His last lines make me pause, though, my frustration returning.

_Below is the schedule for the conference. If you can get away from your patients, maybe you could give me a call.  
_  
Translation: he's hoping that I can make time for him.

I am such an ass.

Leaning against the headboard, Jasper's words replay in my head over and over, what he wrote in his note and our interactions of late. We just don't have the time together that we used to have, but we've both been busy.

No, I can't use that as an excuse. I should never be too busy for Jasper.

He has proven to me time and again that nothing can separate him from me, even when the obstacles seem insurmountable. He has been the one with the first moves and the grand gestures, even moving across the bloody Atlantic to be with me. And what have I done but followed his lead at every turn, never going beyond the expected for him.

I realize I must have been sitting in the same position for hours when my thoughts are interrupted by the alarm on my phone, my last warning before I need to get ready for my next shift.

Sitting up and rubbing my eyes before stretching, I realize that I completely ignored Dr. Stuart's advice. I hope that a cold shower and some strong coffee can get me through my shift without him noticing. It's a short one, only eight hours, and then I'll have a full day off to recoup.

And think of my own grand gesture.

~~00~~

Somewhere around hour five of my shift, I'm desperately trying to stay focused, but caffeine doesn't seem to keep the images of Jasper away no matter how much I consume. As I'm shuffling my charts and drinking coffee number too-many-to-count, I stumble into Mr. Stuart, literally. I manage to salvage my paperwork and my caffeine, but his face almost makes me drop everything and run.

"Cullen, what's this I hear about you ordering a pelvic exam for room 403?" he immediately lays into me, and I fumble through my charts, trying to remember the case but knowing I fucked up somehow.

"The woman with the stomach cramps?" I try, my cases blurring together from my lack of sleep.

"Actually, room 403 is a very considerate gentleman by the name of Fred Tanner, and he is none too pleased with the implication that he may actually have a vagina. He is also wondering, as am I, what this has to do with the fungal infection in his foot."

Bloody hell.

"Um, I'm sorry, Mr. Stuart. I'll get right on that and fix everything," I begin, knowing I will have to review all of my orders to make sure I haven't made other errors. Luckily, none of my cases tonight have been life-threatening, but I will have to triple-check everything for the rest of my shift.

"Don't bother, Cullen, I've already put Williams on your cases. _You_ are going home," he states firmly, crossing his arms in front of him. At some movement behind him, I see the Williams in question come around the corner, and his face morphs into one of concern when he sees me.

"I can do this, sir. I don't need to go home," I respond through gritted teeth. _I just need a little more caffeine._ I glance at my watch quickly. "It's only three-"

"No, Cullen," he cuts me off. By this time, Williams has joined the conversation, and Mr. Stuart nods at me before I hand the charts to my replacement.

"Don't worry, mate," Williams reassures me. "I've got this all under control."

"I had it under control," I mutter as I turn to leave, and Mr. Stuart pulls me back around.

"Cullen, I was hoping to do this privately, but you're forcing my hand. I don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but you absolutely do _not_ have it under control. You will not endanger my patients or this hospital's standard of medical care because you are having an off day. Now, go home and get some sleep, or do whatever you need to do, to get your focus back. I expect you back here Monday for your normal shift."

"Monday? But my next shift is Saturday! Why are you sending me off for three days? What am I going to do with myself?" I can tell my voice is rising, but I can't stop myself. This hospital and my work is everything.

"I don't care what you do, but whatever is troubling you, fix it. I'm giving you three days to do so. If you have your act together by then, I may consider forgetting that you have been unfocused and insubordinate today and let you back into the urgent care. Have I made myself clear?"

I just nod, dejected and defeated, returning to the locker room and grabbing my things without even bothering to change or shower. I half-jog to the train station, just wanting to get home and forget this day ever happened. I need to talk to Jasper and...

Jasper.

I step on the train and collapse into a seat, knowing I won't doze off as I feel as if cold water has just been poured over my head. I need Jasper so desperately, and want him near me always.

Suddenly I have a moment of clarity, and realize I was wrong earlier. The hospital, my career, is not my life.

Jasper is.

~~00~~

"Are you sure, Edward?"

"For the last time, I'm _sure_. Thanks to you, I have everything I could possibly need to make this work, and I'll be back in a couple days."

"This isn't like you, Edward, running off like this."

"I know," I answer, watching the concern in Alice's eyes change into something else as the edges of her eyes crinkle.

"I like it," she confides, pulling me into a tight embrace. "And I think Jasper will, too," she adds, looking up at me before stretching up to kiss me on the cheek.

"I hope so," I respond with a blush, zipping up my over-stuffed bag to avoid her stare. "My holiday fund is definitely a little worse off."

"Don't worry. I know he'll be thrilled. I can feel it," she says, patting me on the cheek before stepping back.

I lift the strap over my shoulder and look up to find Alice beaming at me and bouncing slightly on her toes. She throws herself at me and I catch her with my one arm, trying to keep my balance with the other.

"I'm so proud of you," she mumbles into my shirt, and I squeeze her tightly once more.

"Thanks, Alice, for everything," I return, patting her back awkwardly with my one hand, but her grip only tightens. "I have to leave now," I remind her as I try to pry her off of me. She holds me for another few seconds and then finally lets me go. I adjust my bag on my shoulder and mock-salute her as I walk out the door.

"Go get him, Tiger!" she calls after me and I roll my eyes at the evidence that she definitely watches too much American telly.

Sometimes I wonder how Alice and I are even related.

~~00~~

I board the train with only seconds to spare, climbing the few stairs as the whistle blows. I quickly find my seat, stowing my bag on the overhead rack and settling in for the two-hour ride. The familiar rolling hills of the English landscape seem to glow in the morning light but soon disappear into blackness as we enter the tunnel below the English channel.

Using the train's wifi, I check and recheck my reservations for tonight, message Alice's contacts and make sure everything is in place. Glancing at my watch, I notice I will be arriving before lunch and should have plenty of time to set everything up before five. I spend the remaining time trying to distract myself with the newspaper, but my plans and the many potential ways that it could all go wrong keep distracting me.

What if I'm too late? What if he's decided that I'm not worth all of this waiting? I would understand. Jasper is the most amazing person I have ever met, surviving so much in his life. Why would he settle for me?

I gasp aloud at the thought of him leaving me, of him not being in my life anymore. The pain in my chest eclipses all the other fears I may have. No matter how unworthy I feel of his love, I need him, and I want him in my life forever.

I take a couple of deep calming breaths and remind myself that this is what today is all about, reminding him that I love him and I always will.

When I arrive at Gare du Nord, I quickly find the car rental area and pick up my choice for the weekend. I wanted something a little classier and only had the options of a not-very-classy- economy vehicle or a BMW Z4 Roadster convertible. Really, I had no other choice but to take the Beemer.

After remembering which side of the road I need to be on, I drive quickly to my hotel, happy that the Parisian driving style fits so well with my own. When I arrive, I have just enough time to shower and change into the tailored black suit that Alice insisted I wear tonight. I struggle with the silk tie and curse my sister's incredibly expensive taste. Once I seem presentable, I stand back and look in the full-length mirror. Maybe I should give her some credit on this one.

My mobile alarm alerts me that I need to leave quickly, and I shove the remaining items I will need for tonight into my pockets and hurry out of the room. Racing through the streets of Paris, I barely have enough time to stop at the shop that Alice recommended without being late for the first part of my surprise.

After parking the car along the road in front of the L'Universite Paris Diderot building, I hope I am not too late. Placards on the front of the doors announce the Seven Year's War conference being held inside, and I suddenly feel ashamed that I didn't realize that this was why he is here. Jasper's thesis is focused on the British and French influence on the American colonial landscape and specifically deals with this war in the colonies, the French-Indian War. He is uniquely poised to work on this project, being an American in England with references in both countries. I just hadn't known how important this trip would be for him and his work.

Again, I am filled with a sense of loss, wondering how many things I have missed with my busy work schedule and spending so much extra time at the hospital. I hope that I can make it up to him and make him understand that I never meant to lose us or lose him along the way.

I sit for a few more minutes inside the car and then decide to wait outside, needing the fresh air. Standing on the passenger side of the car, I anxiously scan the people exiting the building for Jasper.

When I first see him, he is with a few other blokes, all laughing as they descend the stone steps. I am leaning back against the rented car, staring at him and willing him to see me. I am about to call out, but then one of his companions nudges Jasper in the side and points at me.

Jasper stops in midstride, and time seems to stop as his eyes meet mine. All at once, time hurtles on as he runs down the remaining steps to stop directly in front of me, his eyes wide in disbelief. As I reach up my hand to cup his cheek, he closes his eyes and leans into my touch. I push off the car to close the distance between us, our lips connecting in a intense and passionate kiss. His fingers thread into my hair as he leans into me, pressing me back against the car once more.

"Edward," he murmurs against my lips. "You're here." He stares intently up at me, and I nod once, not daring to speak yet.

Cat calls and whistles behind him make us break apart, and he glances over his shoulder without letting go of me. "Looks like I might have plans, boys," he calls to them before looking back at me with a questioning look. I just nod and his mouth forms a brilliant smile.

They continue to shout and wave their goodbyes, but neither of us acknowledge them. "What are you doing here? Don't you have to work?" he asks finally, stepping back to look me up and down, and I hope my extra effort and Alice's fashion sense are working. From the way Jasper is biting his lower lip, I think they are. "And how have I never seen you looking so delicious?"

I laugh, enjoying his reaction. "Well, I had a few unexpected nights off, and I thought I'd take you to dinner," I answer nonchalantly, and his eyes snap back to mine.

He smirks at me and leans in closer. "'Cause you just happened to be in the neighborhood?" he whispers in my ear.

"Something like that," I reply before reluctantly pulling us both away from the car so I can open the door for him. "Your chariot awaits, my love," I say with a flourish of my arm.

Jasper smiles and places a small kiss on my cheek as he settled into the car, running his hands along the plush leather seats. I close his door and practically jog around the car to the driver's side, sliding into the seat. I barely get the door closed before Jasper pulls me into a passionate kiss, our tongues sliding against each other, the warmth of his mouth causing me to groan.

"Don't think I didn't catch that part about the unexpected time off, and I want a full explanation. But, God, you look amazing, Edward," he growls as he nips along my chin, his teeth grazing my skin perfectly.

"Jasper, love," I pant, trying to break away even though I desperately don't want to, but for this perfect night to work, we need to go. I look up at his slightly disappointed face, and I kiss him on the nose before turning forward in my seat to decrease my temptation. "I have plans for us tonight, and as much as I want to just fucking ravage you right now, we have a schedule."

"Of course we do," Jasper says with a smirk. "Okay then, where to?"

"Did you bring a suit with you?" I ask, although I am prepared if he hasn't got one after my stop here at the suit rental shop. Definitely one of the advantages to having Alice help you plan something, especially an evening like this.

"No, not really," he admits, looking a little disappointed. "Just a couple jackets, but all I brought were khakis and jeans."

"Not a problem," I respond, and gesture to the trunk as I explain. "I have a suit for you already."

"Really?" he asks, his eyebrows quirking in disbelief.

"Alice."

"Ahh, should've known," he responds with a smile and a nod as I start the car.

We stop briefly at the hotel he's staying in so he can shower and change, and I pack a small bag of clothes for him while he is still in the bathroom. After a few curse words and a lot of banging around that makes me chuckle, he emerges looking like a model in the dark grey pinstriped suit that accentuates his long legs and lean frame. I don't hide the longing in my eyes as I look him up and down, and he turns teasingly, shifting his hips and sticking out his ass.

"You look good enough to eat, but we need to go," I say with a sigh, holding up the bag. "Is there anything else you'll need if you're not coming back here tonight?"

"And why am I not returning to my room, Dr. Cullen?" he teases, practically purring while slowly stalking towards me.

"I.. I mean..." I close my eyes so that I can finish my sentence without being distracted by the sight in front of me. "We have plans tonight. _All_ night," I finally manage to say, opening his eyes to see a playful smirk on his face.

"Well, alright, don't tell me then. Just need to grab my toothbrush and few things, and I'll be ready."

He disappears into the bathroom once again and returns with his toiletries that he puts in the bag that I'm still holding. He leans into me and kisses me briefly, pressing all of his hard planes against me. All too soon, we have to break apart, and I try to muffle my disappointed groan in the shoulder of his jacket. He chuckles at me, and I know he knows what he does to me, but I can't be distracted. Yet.

I twine my fingers with his, bringing his knuckles to my mouth for one more taste before I open the door and we walk back to the car to begin our evening together.

~~00~~

First, we have dinner at Le Jules Verne, the restaurant on the second floor of the Eiffel Tower, 150 meters above ground. The large glass walls allow a spectacular view of Paris, and the dark blacks and purples of the restaurant walls minimize any glare as the sunlight begins to fade. We are given a small table against the glass, and Jasper's eyes widen as he looks down at the buildings below.

"Wow, Edward. Just wow," he breathes, fogging the glass slightly.

He had practically been beside himself when I pulled up near the Tower and had the car parked by the valet for the restaurant. When he finally figured out that the restaurant was _in _the Eiffel Tower, he almost dragged me the rest of the way in his excitement.

He turns back to me as the waiter approaches with menus and I can't tear my eyes from Jasper as the waiter continues to drone on. I ask for a few minutes to decide, and the waiter leaves without another word. Candlelight is playing off of Jasper's blond hair as it falls in lazy waves around his face, and I reach out to tuck some of the strands behind his ear. Leaving my hand against his head, I pull him forward gently, leaning across the table for a chaste kiss. As he leans back, his eyes are still closed, and he licks his lips before opening them.

"Thank you, Edward. This is spectacular," he murmurs, reaching across the table for my hand.

"This is just the beginning," I respond, enjoying the way his face lights up at the prospect of more.

Over dinner and a bottle of fantastic red wine, we talk about our lives, catching up on all the little things that I had been missing since life became busy. As always, the conversation is easy, and I am reminded of all the reasons we got together in the first place. Even when we first met each other in Tasmania, we had no problems talking about our pasts and our fears and our hopes. We've always had an amazing connection that I can't explain but I know is there and wouldn't ever change.

Eventually, I ask him about the conference he is attending, and his face brightens for a few moments before it falls again.

"Jasper, what is it?" I ask, concerned about his sudden change of mood.

"The conference is great, actually, and I think I've made some great connections for some continued research," he starts but then looks up at me uneasily.

"But?" I prompt, hoping this isn't as bad as I fear.

"But," he stresses before averting his eyes, looking anywhere but at me. "I almost called off the whole thing when you didn't come home."

"Oh, Jasper," I start, but then he cuts me off.

"I just, well, I feel like I don't matter to you anymore," he confesses, the words hanging heavily in the air between us.

"Listen," I begin, reaching across to lift his chin gently and waiting until his eyes meet mine. "I'm so sorry, Jasper. I never meant to make you ever think that." I glance around the room at the intimate setting, the other tables and couples so close, and decide that we should move to the next venue to continue this conversation. "Can we discuss this a little later?" I ask and watch his brow furrow. _Shit._ "Love, I really want to talk about this, but somewhere a little more private if that's okay?" I try again, and this time he just nods slightly his gaze unwavering.

I quickly settle the bill and we walk back to the lift. I slip my hand into his and squeeze it slightly, not getting a response, but he doesn't remove his hand either. As we enter the lift, I hand the attendant a card and he nods at me before turning back to the control panel. When we begin to rise instead of descend, Jasper starts and turns to me, and I just smile hoping to show that this is part of the plan.

As we exit at the top, the attendant hands me a woolen blanket and bids us a good night. The wind is brisk at this height, and I watch it whip through Jasper's hair as I walk behind him to the railing. He stops as he notices the small bistro table with champagne and candle lanterns and a small bench with another blanket draped over it.

"You did this?" he asks, taking in the setting in front of him, but not turning to me.

"Yes," I answer, a slight nervous shake to my voice.

He face me then, a glistening around his eyes. "For me?" he whispers.

"Yes," I repeat, holding out my arms to him and silently thanking Alice for her string pulling once again. "Everything is for you, love. Always."

He walks into my arms, and I just hold him, wrapping the blanket around us both and relishing in his heat as the wind winds around us.

"Edward, why does it take Paris for you to be with me? Where have you been?" he says into my chest. "Why have you left me alone so many nights?"

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or let you think that I didn't want to be there with you just as much," I murmur into his hair as I move us toward the bench. I settle us onto seat and pull Jasper as close as possible. "The last couple days have opened my eyes."

He looks up at me then, curiosity shining through the hurt in his face. "What happened?"

So, I tell him everything as he leans against me at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I tell him about my late night and how it wasn't necessary, how I had missed him by minutes, and it was entirely my fault. I recall my reaction when I saw the packed suitcases and how I physically ached to think I might have lost him forever.

"I knew at that moment that I had messed up, Jasper. More than messed up, actually. I didn't sleep at all before my next shift and most likely shouldn't have gone in. I made an error in my orders for a patient. Luckily, my mistake wasn't a big deal, but it could have been. Dr. Stuart told me to find my focus and threw me out until I did."

Jasper gasps at this, and I take a deep breath to continue. "I think I needed it, needed a push of this kind. It made me realize that while the hospital and my residency are important to me, they aren't everything. They aren't my life."

I squeeze him tightly before gently pulling his face up from my shoulder, making sure that I do not miss anything about his reaction. "_You_ are my life, Jasper. I love you."

He gives me a small smile and presses his lips against mine once. "I love you too, Edward. But how are things going to change for me? I can't... I won't be second to your career."

"I know, and I hate that I made you feel that way," I try again, hoping my next words will make him understand. "I love you with everything that I am, and I know I can't be parted from you. _You_ are what's most important to me from almost the moment I first saw you smile. This is my apology, my inadequate attempt to make up for all my blunders."

He smiles at me and twists to look over the brilliantly lit city below us. "Don't say it's inadequate. This is beautiful. I can't believe you did all this for me."

"Of course I did, but it in no way compares to all you've done for me. You moved across the Atlantic, leaving everything you knew and your family and friends. Setting up dinner and some champagne is easy enough," I answer, hoping he understands how much I owe him, how much I realize he sacrificed for me, for us.

"Moving here to be with you was the only reasonable option," he responds, shaking his head slightly. "I couldn't stay away, and we both know we needed more."

"But you left your home," I insist.

"My home is with you," Jasper counters, his hands reaching up to my face, one cupping my jaw while the other holds the back of my neck firmly. Our gazes lock and I can see passion and love blazing in his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Neither am I," I swear and kiss him with all the love I have for him, pulling him into me. I can feel his chest heaving with mine, our breaths mingling in our mouths. Jasper moves to straddle me, the blanket tangling around us both, but I can still feel his hard length pressing into mine as he grinds his hips forward.

I force myself to pull back, wanting to either continue our evening as I had planned or to get him naked as soon as possible, but also wanting to leave it up to him. "So, bubbles?" I ask, nodding toward the untouched bistro table. "Or should we retire for the evening?"

He smirks at me from his position on my lap, face delightfully flushed and his eyes shining. "I vote for taking the champagne with us, to wherever you want me to have my wicked way with you."

I nod and help him to stand. He grabs the blanket as I grab the champagne, and we hold hands while waiting for the lift. The attendant tries to hide his smirk as we enter, but I just smile at him, knowing that Jasper's and my intentions for the evening are clear. When the doors open, the BMW is already waiting by the valet, and I thank whoever happens to be listening that this part of the evening is going smoothly. We climb in, Jasper setting the champagne bottle on the floor before leaning across the center console to kiss me once more. I growl at him, nipping at his lips, and he laughs but sits back in his seat once more. Racing through the streets of Paris as Jasper's hand massages my thigh, I am very thankful I booked a hotel so close to the Tower and for the valet service there as well.

Handing the second valet my keys, I grab Jasper's hand and we stumble and laugh through the lobby and up the stairs to my suite. Unlocking the door with Jasper pressed against my back and mouthing the nape of my neck proves to be difficult, and I miss the lock with the key many times. Finally, the door is open and he pushes me through. I hear the distinct click of the lock seconds before I am shoved face first against the wall, Jasper's strong hand clasping both of mine above my head as his hard length presses against my ass, and his mouth is once again on my neck.

"My God, Edward. I want you so badly," he murmurs, tonguing my ear and nipping slightly.

"Need you," I whimper, pushing back against him as his other hand reaches around to grip my cock through my trousers. He releases his hold on my arms and my cock, turning me around and quickly unbuttoning the jacket, pushing it over my shoulders to fall to the ground. I move to do the same for him, and then we're both fumbling with buttons and belts, a mutual race to get as much skin exposed as possible. The entire time, mouths and fingers are exploring the revealed flesh, sucking and kissing and caressing everything they can touch.

I moan into his mouth as he lifts my leg, placing my foot on the luggage rack next to us and fitting himself perfectly between my thighs.

"Shit, Edward, I don't have anything with me," he pants into my mouth, running his hands up and down my thighs.

"Inside. Jacket pocket," I manage, as his mouth travels down my jaw. He smiles at me and drops to his knees quickly to rummage through the pile of clothes around us, finding the condom and small packet of lube I had shoved in there.

He stands, handing me the condom as he wets his fingers and teases me, circling my entrance with nimble fingers before finally pressing one inside, claiming my mouth and my sounds as he begins to stretch me, using his other hand to fist my straining cock.

"I'm so close... Too long, Jasper. It's been too long since I've felt you inside me," I acknowledge, knowing this is part of our problem.

"I know, baby. But we're going to fix that right now."

He grabs the condom from my hand, sheathing and lubricating himself quickly. Suddenly, with strength hidden in his lean frame, he lifts me against the wall, pinning my hands with his as his arms and legs support my weight. My gasp turns into a grunt as he slams his torso into mine and attacks my mouth. He shifts his hips, aligning us perfectly before relaxing slightly, lowering me slowly onto him, the stretch and burn both welcome. He presses further, his hips hitting my ass and then he pauses, both of us panting with the effort.

"Fuck, Edward. You feel so tight, so perfect," he murmurs, shifting to another angle before thrusting inside of me once again. He releases my hands and I hold onto his shoulders, leaning against the wall for more support and wrapping my legs around his. He grabs my hips, thrusting hard and fast, both of us knowing we won't last long. At least not this round.

My words are reduced to unintelligible mutterings as I feel my groin tightening, my legs starting to shake and my toes curling. I arch my back off the wall as my orgasm rips through me, my mouth open in a silent scream.

"God, you are... so beautiful," Jasper groans, increasing his pace as he chases his own release. I come back to my senses just in time to see his eyes widen and then scrunch closed. His hips thrust once more, and I can feel him pulsing inside of me, sending new shivers through my already sensitive body.

As soon as he opens his eyes, his legs give out, and we fall on top of our clothes, laughing and sighing.

"I think I broke the record," he says, brushing the hair from my eyes as we lie there, waiting for our breathing to regulate and our muscles to function.

"What do you mean?" I ask, knowing that it's definitely not _my_ stamina that broke any records.

"We barely made it two feet into the room this time. That has to be some kind of shortest distance record or something," he explains, kissing me softly and pulling me against him. The cooling come on our chests sticks between us, and Jasper pulls away quickly, looking apologetic.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." He stands quickly, removing the condom on the way to the bathroom and returning moments later with a warm flannel that he uses to wipe away the mess.

He helps me stand, and we fall into the bed together, exhaustion weighing heavily on my limbs. After lost sleep and planning and the excitement of tonight, I curl against Jasper's skin, feeling his lips press against my forehead and hearing a whispered command to sleep before I'm drifting into darkness.

~~00~~

I wake to a still dark room and warm Jasper draped across me, his head on my shoulder. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him closer to press a kiss against his hair, inhaling the fresh, clean scent that is all him.

His breath hitches and he stretches against me before placing a wet kiss against my throat and mumbling something.

"It's still dark, baby. Go back to sleep," I murmur, squeezing him a little tighter and feeling him snuggle closer.

"Don't leave me, Edward," he mumbles, the words almost too quiet for me to hear.

My heart aches with his sleep-filled worries, and I kiss him again softly on his head. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

His breathing evens out quickly, but sleep seems to have evaded me completely. I stare at the ceiling, wondering how to ease Jasper's unconscious fears, how to make him certain of me, of us. My gesture was grand, but it's a one-time event, and he needs reassurance for every day. While I bask in his warmth and relish in the feel of his body next to mine, so relaxed and comfortable and safe, I watch the room lighten with the coming morning.

Soon, he will have to return to the conference, and I will return to London. And I will start setting my priorities aright. Home no later than an hour after my shift and completing my extra studying at home to make sure I can see him as much as feasible. I want to say that I can see him every day, but my 30 hour shifts would make that impossible.

Jasper stirs again, shifting against me, and soon his mouth is leaving a warm trail of kisses across my neck and jaw. He shifts his leg, half-straddling me, pressing his arousal against mine, the smooth heat matched by my own.

"Jasper," I whisper, running my fingers through his hair as he continues to lick and kiss me, rolling his hips slightly against mine.

"Morning, sunshine," he says, finally moving so I can see his face and kiss him properly. Our mouths continue to claim each other, our tongues slick against one another. Reaching down, I dig my fingers into his ass, pulling him roughly against me, increasing the pressure and the pleasure. He grunts and rolls his hips again and again, and I can feel my orgasm already approaching.

I shift him to a slightly better angle and then lift my hips into his, increasing the friction between us exponentially.

"Fuck, babe," he gasps before his rhythm stutters and he tenses, his length pulsing against mine. The feel of his orgasm hitting my stomach sends me over the edge as well, and I growl into his shoulder as my come mixes with his.

He collapses on top of me, and I hold him close, kissing him languidly. Soon he pulls away, offering his hand to help me up so we can shower and clean off the mess we've made of each other. Our shower is fairly chaste, some kissing, but I enjoy cleaning Jasper, caring for the man that I love.

After our shower, we wrap ourselves in the luxuriant robes and order room service. I decide to wait for the food to arrive before I begin talking, not wanting to be interrupted once we start. As the deliverer exits the room, I bring the food over to the bed, and we sit on the edge, nibbling on the assortment of foods that we ordered.

"Jasper," I begin, but then I am at a loss for words, knowing that these may be some of the most important ones I ever say. "I'm horrible at this," I confess.

"Whatever you need to say, Edward, just say it," he responds in a soft, encouraging voice. He grabs my hand in his and gives it a squeeze as he turns and gives me his full attention.

"I know we talked a little last night, but I want to make sure you know that my commitment to you and to change won't stop once we get back to London. This isn't just one date with nothing to follow."

"Don't say anything you can't back up, Edward," he responds warily. "I know how busy you are and you'll still have the same schedule when you return."

"Yes, I'll have the same schedule, but I will change what I do with my time around my scheduled shifts. I want to spend it with you."

"Can you promise that to me?" he asks, his voice rising and his hand tensing in mine. "No after-hours emergencies? No late-night study groups? No last minute surgeries?"

I nod, knowing that this is the biggest fear he has, that I will once again place everything ahead of him. I also realize that my word about how much time I will spend away from him hasn't meant much in the past. "I can't promise that I'll have normal hours or that I'll see you every day. You know my schedule won't permit that. But I can study at home, and if my paperwork is done, I can leave the hospital at any time after my shift is done."

I move closer, wrapping both his hands in mine. "I know that I've been taking advantage of you, that I've been putting more of my spare time into my work and studies than is reasonable. Dr. Stuart basically instructed me to find my focus or to find a new job, and I know my focus is you. Without you, I'm lost and I cannot do my best by my patients or myself. I love you and I need you, Jasper. And I promise you I will never forget that again."

"That's all I've wanted to hear, Edward. I just didn't want you to leave me behind."

"I could never. I want to spend time with you, and I'm going to find ways to do it more often."

I pull him into me, kissing him thoroughly and reveling in the taste of syrup and orange on his tongue. Our mouths slow, and we gaze at each other for long moments before I bring my hand to his cheek, running my fingers through the stubble there.

"In fact, I'll pick you up from the airport when you return."

"Really?" he asks, his eyes filled with hope.

"I promise," I respond, knowing that this is just the beginning of many vows I will make, and keep, for this man.

~Fin~


End file.
